Healing Harry
by k-kizkhalifa
Summary: Harry is hanging on by a thread after the war, and it is taking a toll not only on his friendships but on his life as well./ [MA. A/U. EWE. 8th Year. Please read warnings.]
1. Epilogue

**edited 4/25/17 

**Warnings:** Scarring, personal harming and mention of abuse. Please be careful and take precautions if you are not comfortable with this type of writing. || **Rated:** M

A/U HP. I don't own Harry Potter or the world, I think Blaise would have been more important if I did.

* * *

"Draco!" Blaise yelled, running into the dorms ignoring the grumbles from the few other sleeping students his eyes on the pale blonde who was still sleeping, "Draco!" He shook him roughly, "get up! It's Harry!"

Draco peeked his eyes open, and glanced to the bed that was next to his and saw it was empty. Empty and not slept in. "What?"

"It's Harry, c'mon!" Blaise was grabbing something that Draco couldn't see and then he jumped out of bed, jerking his wand off the top of his trunk while following Blaise - not bothering to grab a robe or anything. He didn't care, it was Harry. That is all that mattered.

Blaise hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time and Draco followed closely behind coming into the empty common room, "where is he?" He asked as he looked around, expecting the mess of a man to be sitting in there crying? Or just really drunk? Or naked and running around? But he wasn't. It was empty except for Ron.

"Malfoy," Ron looked relieved as he stepped into view, "he's only asking for you."

"What's going on?" Draco demanded when the redhead turned away from him and lead the way out of the common's, Blaise following. "Blaise, what is going on? Where is Potter?" But no one answered, they just walked swiftly through the hallways, running down the stairwell and when they took the turn behind the stairwell Draco stopped.

He knew where they were going and he didn't want to go.

"No."

Blaise and Ron both stopped, looking at him, "he wants you, Malfoy," Ron answered, "he won't calm down, he just keeps saying your name."

"Tell me what's going on right now!"

Blaise swallowed roughly, and turned to look at his friend, "Draco, Harry is hurt. A lot."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"He wants to see you, Drake, he won't calm down. He hexed McGonagall.. he just wants you," Blaise's voice was quiet as he talked, his hands were shaking as he reached out for Draco, "he's completely trashed, dangerously so, it's like he doesn't even know who he is anymore. He's gone. And he's really hurt..." Blaise closed his eyes, "I don't know how to explain it?"

Ron shook his head, "I don't know I've never seen anything like this, he is messed up Malfoy."

Draco swallowed roughly and pushed past the two of them, walking towards the infirmary, pausing at the door when he saw Pansy and Hermione standing next to it McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and Slughorn with them. But he didn't talk he just opened the door and walked in.

Harry was standing in the middle of the room, his back to Draco and he stood unmoving. Quiet.

"Potter?" Draco called out from the door, shutting it behind him.

"Go away."

Draco cleared his throat, "don't think I can do that, Potter. I heard you were asking for me."

"That's what does it, huh? Just me asking for you?" Draco almost laughed, but remained quiet, "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what?"

Harry lifted a shoulder, "like this."

"What's going on, Potter, no one will tell me anything."

Harry shrugged again, "does that bother you?"

Draco sighed, "I'm not playing this game with you Potter," he reached out and took the handle when a spell shot across the room and right into the door. He whipped around, his wand out, ready to defend himself when he saw Harry. He wanted to gasp, to throw up, but he couldn't give Harry that satisfaction. Or was it his own pride that he couldn't bruise? He didn't know anymore. He looked at Harry, standing still and quiet, only his eyes moved and they scanned his face.

"This isn't a game Malfoy!" Harry screamed, "this is my _life_."

"This is my life too, Potter!" Draco roared back, his resolve breaking instantly, "you think you're the only one in the whole world going through this? You think you're the only one that got fucked up from the war?" Draco's voice was loud and cut through the silence.

"Oh fuck off Malfoy, you got off scot-free. I made sure of that."

Draco scoffed, "is this what it's like to owe Harry Potter a favor? Take me now then, because this isn't worth it."

Harry's laugh was quiet, hollow, and he looked to the side, "I don't need anyone Malfoy."

"Oh I can tell," Draco snapped, "you're so warm and welcoming to everyone, it's like you're fine."

"I am fine!" Harry jerked his head and looked back at him, his wand was pointed right at Draco and he glared, "I especially don't need you."

"Do it," Draco sneered, crossing his arms against his chest, "go ahead, Potter, show the world how _fine_ you are. Can't stop drinking, you bloody hurt yourself, ignoring your friends, hexing professors and what is it you're planning to do right now? Kill me? Curse me? _Hurt me_?"

Harry was shaking, his breath coming out in hot burst, "I'll do it!"

"Don't think there is a single thing you can do to me that hasn't been done before!" Draco answered and he showed his bare left arm, "I grew up in this life, Potter, _that_ was misery. Because if it wasn't my father beating me or my mother touching me, my aunt had a go and Merlin did I _love_ disappointing Voldemort because he always had a fun way of trying out things on all of us kids." Draco was shaking as he spoke, his voice going from a scream to a quiet almost whisper, "but that's okay you're the only one with problems, Savior-of-the-World, let us bow before him."

Harry blinked his wand dropping, not just his arm but his wand to the ground and he sunk down to his knees. Two wide green eyes staring up at Draco. There was blood everywhere. Harry was covered in it, from top of his head running down his face, his neck and some on his shirt. The whole left side of his face caked in it - some of it dried, some of still drying and some wet and fresh. Harry stared back, his teeth tugging across his lip. Draco approached him, walking out across the room only stopping when he was a little more than arms length away, "what did you do?" Draco asked quietly, he could smell the alcohol. It was so strong he could almost taste it and had to clear his throat to fight back the burn.

"I still hear him," Harry whispered, and he shut his eyes, "I still hear his voice in my mind, I want him out."

Draco stared at the cut that was slicing along the lightning bolt scar, "he's not here Harry. He's gone."

Harry stared up at the other, his eyes watering and he reached out for the paler one wrapping his arm around his legs and leaning towards him, his clean cheek brushing against the material of Draco's sleeping pants, "help me, Draco, because I can't do this alone."

Draco wasn't sure what to do, so he stayed still and stroked Harry's hair, "first things first, we need to get the cut cleaned up." Harry nodded silently his grip tightening and that told Draco he wasn't going to let go anytime soon so he turned slightly and used his wand to open the doors to the infirmary.

When they entered it was like a wave, they were loud and worried and the 7 of them were hovering. McGonagall was staring with a frown sharing whispers with Slughorn, Hermione was knelt down with Madam Pomfrey who was cleaning Harry's injury and Blaise, Ron and Pansy were practically breathing down Draco's arm. The three of them staring in horror.

Draco was growing tense, but he stayed still, his hand never leaving Harry's hair and Harry never let go of his leg. His arm was wrapped around Draco tightly and his clean cheek was pressed to his leg with his eyes closed. Draco watched Pomfrey work; she moved quickly cleaning the cut and trying a few silent spells to close it up but it stared it's ugly head right back at them.

Draco was trying to avoid looking at the gaping wound, his stomach churning from the blood that continued to spill over the spilt skin. He couldn't imagine the pain Harry had to put himself through to do that, he couldn't imagine the pain Harry had felt to even want to do that. He could imagine any of it, it made his body ache at just the thought. It made him sick. Draco drug his hand through Harry's messy, wild hair the Gryffindor was humming seeming practically oblivious to the matter at hand as he clutched to Draco's leg.

Draco and Pomfrey met each other's eyes, the older woman frowning deeply she had tears in her eyes as she and Draco shared the look. He understood the look, he understood all of it. "Potter," Draco said stepping back, the man almost falling forward startled by the sudden movement and he reached out for the blonde again. "Get up, we need to lay you down."

"Oh," Harry heaved himself off the ground, still reaching Draco and ignoring everyone else. His friends were watching nervously, McGonagall was frowning - Pomfrey explaining the circumstance, "to bed?"

"That one," Draco nodded at one of the infirmary beds, "we have to do some muggle patch work." He explained trying to ignore the hand that was sliding down his arm to his own hand as they walked. Harry laid up on the bed, and as soon as his head hit the pillow he groaned softly, "you okay?"

"I don't feel so good," Harry admitted and reached up towards his head, Draco slapped his hand away with a glare.

"Don't touch your head," he instructed, and pulled up the chair next to his bed.

Pomfrey was assessing the cut, "tergeo," she said and recleaned the cut before numbing the sight and busying herself with quick wand work to stitch up over the scar, "you okay Mr. Potter?"

"A little sick," he whispered his eyes shutting as he talked, "I don't feel so good." He was squeezing Draco's hand tightly, and dragging his thumb over the other palm, Draco was doing his best to ignore both his thumb and the self-inflicted scar. "It's gonna be there for a while, huh?"

"Magic doesn't heal dark cuts, dark magic, dark thoughts, Mr. Potter," she answered and held up the bandage wrap about to fit it over his head, "it'll be there forever."

"Draco," Harry waved her away.

She blinked and glanced to the Slytherin who sighed and jerked his hand from Harry's to stand, taking the bandages from her. She pulled the curtain close around them and Draco could hear her shooing them out, while he unrolled the bandages, "I'm not helping you with this wound when you're sober," Draco was saying with a quiver.

"Blood make you queasy?"

"That amount of blood does," Draco answered, frowning deeply before moving his long cool fingers over Harry's head, the bandage falling into place.

"How bad is it?"

He ran his thumb over top of the bandage lightly, starting just past his temple and across Harry's forehead to stop just between his nose, "it's big and ugly, Potter, you shouldn't have done that."

Harry swallowed roughly and closed his eyes again, "I can hear him, Malfoy, I need him gone."

* * *

A/n: I did, revised this a little bit. Edited it. Added a chapter. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 1: Reconciled

**A/n:** So I went ahead and decided to do this. I am leaving the first chapter as an epilogue, and here the story starts. [Pierced!Harry/PastelHair!Draco]

 **Warnings:** Depression, please be advised. **Please.** Depression, flashbacks, drinking.

A/U. Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter. EWE. 8th Year. I don't own Harry Potter the books, the movies, the stories. Nothing. I don't own 'em. I think we all know how that would go by this point if I did.

"Jesus Christ that's a pretty face.. the kind you find on someone that could save." - _Jesus Christ,_ Brand New

* * *

Blonde hair and gray eyes, Harry couldn't think of anything else. _Blonde hair. Gray eyes._ Well that and whisky. Lots of whisky. He was drunk, after all. Always drunk. Harry couldn't remember the last night he wasn't drunk.

 _Blonde hair. Gray eyes. Whisky._

That's all that mattered anymore, wasn't it? What else mattered? Well maybe the shades of blonde.. _It was more white, it glowed. When the light hit it just right, it glowed._ That's how Harry remembered it anyway, he had searched all summer for someone with hair to match but hadn't found it. Hadn't found anyone with hair that glowed when the light hit it just right.

The last time Harry saw that hair it hadn't glowed, it was dirty. Blonde and dirty, he almost liked it better because it let him know it belonged to a human. A human that had been covered in cuts, scraps, burns, marks and dirt. A human that wasn't perfect and maybe that is how he had coped with it all. Maybe that was why Harry had saved his life.

 _"You can't put him in Azkaban, because he was forced. He was protecting his family from death, he was saving his family. He lied for me, his mother lied for me and in the end I was able to defeat Voldemort. Draco Malfoy did the same thing, for his family, he doesn't deserve to die in Azkaban for that."_

And Draco didn't go to Azkaban, he was spared. That was all that Harry owed him and his family for what they did for him. A life for a life, and that was it... so why couldn't Harry stop thinking about blonde hair and gray eyes? He reached out grabbing another glass of fire whisky, sipping it as he laid back against the couch. It was his last night for the summer here at Grimmauld Place, tomorrow he would be starting eighth year at Hogwarts. He hadn't heard if Draco Malfoy was going back and he wasn't sure who to ask. The Prophet hadn't reported it, though they had reported practically everything else about the boy over the summer.

He was the most watched person, only because Harry wasn't ever out in the open and Harry had spoken for him so he was sure to be important. The world wanted to know how had Draco Malfoy changed and more importantly how was he going to repay the service to Harry Potter? Harry hated that, Draco didn't owe him anything. He owed Draco things. Well he had, it was a debt repaid now. As of three months ago, it didn't matter anymore.

Draco had donated money to the ministry, had helped rebuild it even, spent time at the school and helped rebuild it as well. He moved out of the Manor and gave it as an orphanage so children had a place to live. But who knew if he was going to Hogwarts tomorrow? Harry would just have to find out on the train. He wanted him to be there, it would make things better - it would be real then.

Everything else had changed, of course. The world was different. People were dead, gone, being forgotten... Hermione and Ron had each other, Ginny moved on from Harry. Who needed him anymore? His task was done - that's how Harry saw it. But how else could he see it through his drunk haze?

Hermione and Ron had been there every morning, every day trying to break through his exterior and walls - to no avail, Ginny hadn't wanted to move on as much as Harry had forced her away and why should she have to sit through torture? Why didn't Harry understand that? The world still needed Harry Potter, the world still wanted him but he didn't want the world anymore. So he drank. Locked away in his house, avoiding everyone - even Kreecher, only eating when he was forced to by the elf and drinking everything in sight.

Drunk was better because the memories didn't play through his head, he didn't have nightmares when he was drunk, he didn't hear their voices when he was drunk. All he saw was blonde hair, gray eyes and whisky. Nothing else mattered, the hangovers weren't even that bad anymore. It was bearable, and the hangovers were better than being sober because he could focus on the way his body ached, the way his head throbbed, the way his body convulsed all his food.

Drunk was better, hungover was nice, sober was worse.

* * *

"Are you drinking?" Hermione demanded and jerked the flask from Harry who scowled in response.

Ron watched a bit nervous as the other man jerked the glass flask back and took a swig, "it's just a little something to take the edge off, I'm not sure I'm ready for the fandom yet." Harry spoke smoothly, chewing on his lip. A ring was tucked between his teeth as he rolled the small hoop feeling it sliding through his skin with ease.

"Oh," Hermione nodded, "sorry, I guess I am nervous too..." Harry chuckled and tilted the container towards her offering a sip but she quickly shook her head no and sat back, "Malfoy is here, I saw him on the platform."

"Is he?"

"He was with Parkinson and Zambini," she folded her legs under her, leaning into Ron, "wonder if they all changed as much as him."

"Who knows," Harry shrugged, his hand shaking as he gripped the container. He wanted more, he needed more. It was all he could think about, _blonde hair, gray eyes and whisky._ "If so this year might be boring."

Ron laughed, shaking his head, "I imagine this year will be far from boring, Harry. Maybe we can befriend the three. We'd be a group of six rather than 3."

"If you want more friends," Hermione answered, "we'll hang out with Luna, Neville, Dean and Seamus."

"Don't tell me you're going to go into this new world holding grudges?"

Hermione shrugged, "I just don't think they're the kinds of friends I want, really."

"We don't even know them," Harry whispered, "plus didn't Malfoy like donate his whole house and a sizable fortune to the Ministry?"

Ron nodded, "doesn't sound so bad when you don't have a Dark Wizard breathing down your neck."

"Might even be... human!" Harry gasped playfully, looking up when he heard the compartment door sliding open, Ginny stood there chocolates in hand.

"Hey," she started, stepping into the room. Harry blinked and sat back without a word, Ron and Hermione shifted uncomfortably, "I brought snacks," she started taking a seat next to Hermione and Ron, "last open seats, surprising really. Everyone keeps whispering about you three..."

"Of course they do," Ron shook his head, "dumb gits."

Harry stood up, "I'm gonna go for a walk."

* * *

By the time the train pulled up the station Harry was drunk and happy, he was leaning against Neville who was doing his best to support the other, "Harry c'mon, get it together!" He scolded as they traipsed down the stairs.

"I drank too much," Harry spoke and grabbed his wand, sobering himself slightly with a spell he had learned over the summer, then he stood up and patted Neville's back, "sorry mate." Neville stared in confusion as Harry walked ahead of him, the smell of whisky still in the air.

Harry was weaving through the other students ignoring the ones that hollered out hello's and gasped as he walked by, he moved quickly to avoid any type of conversation keeping his head down. He was on the verge of too tipsy and just drunk, he was riding the high with a smile was plastered on his face and with one more touch of his wand to his chest he performed a silent freshening charm that cleaned his mouth making him smell minty fresh as he approached the carriages. Hermione and Ron were standing by one, and climbed on after them, "where'd you go to mate?"

"I ended up running into Neville," Harry shrugged, setting back against the seat, "oi! Luna!" He called suddenly waving at the blonde girl with a wider smile.

"Harry," she answered and climbed up in the carriage, "you seem happy?"

"Ah, relaxed," he shrugged.

Hermione and Ron shared a look, then Hermione smiled with a mouthed, 'I told you so' to her boyfriend. "Good," Luna grinned and slipped her arm around his shoulders, "I heard about you and Ginny, I'm sorry."

"Oh, for the better," Harry shrugged, "she deserves better."

"Not to mention she isn't really your type," Luna spoke up, squeezing his shoulder. That's what Harry loved about Luna she knew things, some how, and never thought twice about spilling the beans.

"True," Harry agreed, drunk Harry agreed. Sober Harry would have just laughed or rubbed his neck or ignored the statement. Drunk Harry was easier to know.

The carriage started forward and Harry tensed as the bumpy ride shook them about, before becoming familiar. "So you excited for the 8th year?"

"I suppose," Harry shrugged, "I heard the dorms were shared for all of us?"

Hermione nodded, "since only what.. 40 of us came back or _could_ come back."

Ron shifted, "all 40 of us crammed in a dorm, it'll be better than being in the Gryffindor Tower."

"Less cramped you mean," Luna smiled, she was still squeezing Harry's shoulders - who had tensed when Hermione mentioned the number of people coming back. "I think it will be fun," she continued, "seeing all the houses mixed together."

"It'll be different," Hermione smiled as well, "and interesting, but I think it is a good message that McGonagall is showing."

"We'll see how long it last, I bet you'll be surprised how easily people fall into their old ways," Ron shrugged, "I'll hope I'm wrong."

Luna shook her head, "you are, I think they're all going to be different. Look at how much Draco has changed..." She smiled, "he's really excited for this year."

"Are you and Malfoy friends?" Harry asked peering over at Luna.

She smiled while nodding, "oh yes, we're very good friends."

Harry hummed lifting his eyebrows, "interesting."

"He's a good guy, I'll introduce you two tonight," she grinned at Harry, "I mean I know you two know each other but..."

"I get what you're saying," Harry chuckled, "sounds good Luna. We were talking about befriending them, this will be easier with you already being his friend."

"Are you two like... dating?" Ron spoke up now, looking at her in question.

"Draco and I?" Luna laughed shaking her head, "he's gay, so I'm not quite his type."

"I'd say so," Ron flushed, embarrassed by the intimate information, and sat back taking Hermione's hand.

The four were carted up to the school, Harry still riding his high and his smile never fell. They all hurried off the carriage and up to the doors, Harry doing his best to ignore the acknowledgement that was being screamed at them on the sides and headed towards the Great Hall. The castle looked the same, despite everything, it was all the same. It was home.

How could Harry have dreaded coming back to this? This was his home. And as he thought that he came to a halt in the middle of the corridor, before them was a memorial. He froze his smile falling, his high dissipating immediately, and he stared straight ahead seeing it all.

It was almost like a flashback echoing in his mind. The screams, the yells, the pain, the spells, the rubble, the blood, the death... _Give me Harry Potter and no one will die._ But they all died, all of them, because of his stupid pride. Because of his stupid, idiotic act of heroism that destroyed so much and took so many lives. How dare he risk their lives for the off chance of him living.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice broke through, she was growing nervous as she looked around trying to ignore the way everyone was stopping and looking at them. He blinked and stepped back, bumping into the people behind him, he jerked around and headed right back the way he had come. Losing himself in the crowed of the students, heading down the hallway to his right and running as soon as he was out of sight.

* * *

Harry was leaning over the railing of the Astronomy tower, his eyes closed as he thought back to that night almost two years ago. It was a dull ache in his chest right now as the wind whipped across his drunkenly hot face. It was flushed dark red and hot, the wind cold. He slugged back another drink, and wiped a tear away furiously.

He heard the door to the tower swing open and looked back towards it, waiting. He had a feeling it was Hermione. She never could stand him being alone, she always had to be apart of it - or maybe it was Ron just being worried about him. Or an elf looking for him by demand of McGonagall. He was sure he was missed at dinner, no question about that. He had a feeling there was a speech prepared, why wouldn't there be? He had read hundreds of them over the past two months in his mail, in the paper, heard them on the street when he did happen to go out. Heard five or six on the train.

 _Maybe it's a young couple..._ Harry thought to himself, turning back to the wind ignoring whoever or whatever was coming up the stairs. He could hear the footsteps on the stairs.

"Potter?" The voice on the other end made him freeze, he stayed still his back to the other and his hands growing numb, "Potter?"

He felt the hand on his shoulder and jerked around, ducking away from the grip, "what do you want?"

Draco shrugged, running a hand through is hair, _blonde ha- that's not blonde._ Harry's eyes widened, staring at the young Malfoy who was talking but Harry wasn't listening. He was just staring. _Pastel hair, gray eyes, whisky._

"Potter!"

Harry blinked, "h-hmm?"

"Are you drunk?"

Harry held his arm out towards the other, "want some?"

"No," Draco grimaced and stepped back, "everyone is looking for you."

"Lucky _you_ found _me_ ," Harry answered, raising his eyebrows. He was happy - he'd blame it on the whisky.

"Is your lip pierced?" Draco asked, leaning forward slightly and peering at him.

"Is your hair pink?" Harry retorted, not so smartly, before leaning back against the railing and tilting his head back so the wind would blow against his hair.

Draco lifted his brow, "you do your thing then, Potter, I'll let them know you're alive."

Harry looked towards him, dropping his head and stepping away from the edge, "you can stay."

"What?"

"You can stay." Harry spoke up, his finger was tugging on his lip ring.

Draco stared uncertainly at Harry, pushing his fingers through his hair, "why are you up here?"

"It's quiet," Harry answered, "not many like the hike."

The Slytherin didn't know what to say, he looked around the area and then back at Harry, "did you eat anything?"

"No," Harry was staring at Draco and it was making the other uncomfortable which was going unnoticed by the raven haired boy, who was doing his best to memorize the blonde hair that was turned pastel pink with streaks of blue, purple and green in it. It looked odd, but it was sexy. It was probably the most sexy thing Harry had ever looked at. Draco Malfoy with rainbow pastel hair. "I have to say Malfoy, I love your hair."

"Thanks, Potter," Draco answered his eyes narrowed as he looked at him.

"It's... cute, like really cute." Harry was walking towards him now, and Draco was backing up. That was until his back hit the railings that encased the large telescope behind him, Harry stopped a breath away from him and reached out. One tan arm stretched to run his fingers through Draco's hair. Draco stood still and quiet, and when Harry touched him he gasped quietly, "Malfoy, I want to kiss you."

"Wh-what?"

"Or you can kiss me. I don't care," Harry shrugged, tan fingers combing through the soft delicate hair, "I just want to taste you."

"I think you're drunk Potter, and we should go."

"I am drunk, but I also know what I want." Harry's voice was soft, quiet, and he leaned forward towards the Slytherin who was looking positively scared, "is that okay?"

Draco's eyes moved from Harry's to his lips and back again, before shutting his own and leaning in. Pale hands against tan face, he cupped his cheeks and held him still while his lips moved against the others. Harry practically melted, his hands came out gripping the railing that Draco was backed against and his legs shook before giving away with a moan. Sinking down and right out of Draco's hands.

Draco blinked, pulling back, he was scared as to what happened and looked down at Harry who was on his knees on the ground, red faced and eyes closed while his fingers slid over his lips, "Potter?"

Harry flashed his eyes open and looked up at Draco with a wide smile, "I've never been kissed like that before Malfoy," Draco almost laughed, but remained stoic as he stared down at Harry. "Can I have another?"

"Are you going to keep your feet this time?"

"No promises," Harry spoke honestly, climbing to his feet again. Draco reached out and took him by the hips, turning the two around so Harry was pressed to the railing, "this'll help," Harry mused his eyes wide and wild as he watched him.

Draco smirked, and without warning he took Harry's lips again. Hips pressed to hips he pushed Harry against the railing, and his hands ran over his face. He dragged his pale thumb over Harry's cheek and his long slender fingers pushed through the dark hair pulling him closer, his tongue sliding against Harry's bottom lip before sliding in to taste him.

He tasted of whisky and nothing else and Draco almost pulled back with a grimace but stopped the moment he heard Harry moan. The moan shook through his whole body, he felt rough hands on his arms gripping him tighter and hips rubbing against his own. Draco's whole body was being vibrated by Harry and he couldn't ask for a better feeling in the world.

When he finally pulled back Harry was letting out pants, slumping against the railing his eyes still closed and his tongue sliding across his lip. Draco watched him carefully, never adverting his eyes as he watched him, now _he_ wanted more. He reached out and tilted Harry's head up by the chin, their eyes meeting, "is this what all that anger has been hiding?" Draco asked while sliding his thumb along Harry's lips.

He could feel him swallow, and nod, "I could do that forever," their eyes stayed lock and serious as they held onto each other when finally Harry stood up straight his breathing better under control, "could we?"

Draco chuckled, his smile hidden in the shadows that were falling from the moon, "seems we might have other obligations Potter."

"Fuck 'em," Harry shrugged, leaning towards his new found companion, "or me."

Draco blinked, a bit taken aback by Harry's statements and found himself pulling back, "Potter, we should head back."

"Oh, just one more, please, and I'll do anything you want Malfoy."

One perfectly arched brow leaned right back in, lips on lips for another kiss. Harry gaining some confidence pushed his hands through Draco's hair giving the locks a tug while Draco wrapped his tongue around the other's. Their mouths moved in sync, just as Harry's hips ground against his own once again. The Gryffindor was more than obvious with his intentions and Draco found he didn't mind all that much, he rather liked the feeling which was quiet obvious with him going back in for a third time.

Harry groaned and gripped him tighter, pulling him against his own hips, "mmpeas," He moaned into his mouth, trying to talk without pulling back, he didn't want it to end.

Draco pulled back anyway, "what?"

"More," Harry shook his head, latching on to him, pressing his lips anywhere he could touch.

Draco felt his heart swell a moment, running his fingers through the dark hair, "come now, Potter, you need to eat and sleep."

"But Malfoy..."

"No buts, you said, 'one more and I'll do anything you want'." Draco's voice was softer, softer than Harry had ever heard it before, "and I want you to join me downstairs, back at our commons for some rest."

"Join you? Like y'know... _with_ you?" Harry was leaning against Draco while the other walked, his arms thrown around the taller, slender frame.

Draco grunted doing his best to hold Harry up, "Merlin you're built."

"I am," Harry agreed, speaking openly, "anyway, _with you_?"

"A bit odd, isn't it?" He asked doing his best to keep his footing as he all but carried Harry down the stairs.

"Maybe," Harry leaned against him, "I mean, fuck 'em though."

"This is a different side of you, Potter."

"What?"

"You being this guy, it's different."

Harry hummed, seeming to think it over, "I guess it is, no one sees me much anymore."

"What do you mean? You're on the front page of every paper and magazine in the wizarding world - practically."

Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed the railing slowing the two down, "they know what I'm doing but they don't see me."

"Oh," Draco was quiet after that, he knew that feeling. More than anything did he know that feeling, from Harry Potter even - but it was painfully obvious the two of them were both at fault there. They were finally on the ground floor and Draco righted Harry before pulling the door open, Harry kept hold of Draco still. Hands gripping the fabric of his button up and Draco slipped his arm around Harry's waist still supporting him.

"Can we get there without going by the memorial?"

"Yes," Draco answered without questioning it, and walked them the long way around leading the way to the middle of the castle on the third floor where a wide, empty-looking painting hung. "Calamander," Draco spoke at it, and a path appeared. Cobble stone before the painting swirled and opened in a hole.

Harry was quietly humming as he kept his grip on Draco Malfoy. He had no intention of letting the blonde go, and he may regret it in the morning but he didn't care because right now it was nice. It was a warm embrace from a person he had been staring at for years. _Pastel hair, gray eyes and whisky._

One thing a Malfoy was good at, at least, was faking confidence. Granted he didn't have to do that much, Draco was always confident and even now as he carted the drunk, fumbling, Harry Potter through the portrait he was seeping real confidence. He was nervous, he was terrified he was going to get hexed the moment he came in but he could fake that it didn't bother him what everyone was going to say. He could fake he didn't care, he could fake he wasn't nervous. Harry was keeping true to his sentiment, 'fuck 'em' and Draco couldn't figure out if that was just who this new Harry was or if this was because he was drunk and he didn't have the restrain anymore.

Draco kept his composure as both Hermione and Ron came running to him, one with a worried look and the other with a glare, "Harry?!"

"What," Harry asked while rolling his eyes, he was annoyed he had to look away from Draco who was leading the two of them in.

"A-are you okay?" Hermione started and reached towards him, cupping his face.

" _We_ are eating," He wore a smile as he said it, and his hands grasped Draco tighter.

"What?" Ron quirked a brow in question, looking over at Draco who was still leading them in towards the fireplace.

"Not you and I," Harry groaned, "Malfoy and I." The way he spoke it was like an insult, but not directed at Draco. It was directed at Ron. Like he should feel bad he wasn't invited to eat with Draco and himself and the way he said it made it clear no one else was invited either. It was a Draco and Harry thing. Period.

"Is he drunk?"

"I found him this way," Draco answered the question, setting Harry down with a sigh, "you bruised me Potter, get off."

Harry released his hands immediately, his eyes still trained to Draco, "where was he?" Luna spoke up this time, leaning over the back of the couch.

Draco looked down at Harry then over to Harry's friends, "out by the lake." He had a feeling Harry wanted to keep the Tower a secret so the lake was a better option, he could lie. He then snapped his fingers and took his seat next to Harry, a house elf appearing almost simultaneously, "he didn't eat dinner, can you bring us some?"

Harry was leaning into the couch, staring at Draco and unscrewing his decanter about to take a sip when Hermione reached out for it, "I think you've had enough Harry."

"I think you're not my mother, Hermione," he answered and jerked it back from her before taking a sip.

Ron frowned and gave Hermione a sad look, "you okay, mate?"

"There is a difference in being drunk and not okay, Ron."

Draco glanced over, smirking, until he saw both Hermione's and Ron's face while Harry took a long drink effectively ignoring them, "what _if_ that's enough, Potter?" He asked and held his hand out, "not a suggestion." He added when Harry started to grumble.

Harry handed it over, and slid off the couch to the coffee table, "next time you do what _I_ say." He spoke to the blonde, sitting on his butt and looking at the food before him with disgust.

Draco put the glass flask in the pocket of his jacket unable to stop the thought that popped into his mind, _next time?_ , "what's he mean, Malfoy?" Hermione asked hurriedly, "you did something to him? Cursed him? Hexed him? Slipped him something?" Her voice was growing as she accused the other with a pointed finger.

"Hardly," Draco shifted, "not my style, Granger." Harry was picking at the food in front of him, still ignoring the others around him, "I found him drunk, okay? I asked if he had anything to eat today - big shock he hasn't, so I told him we were coming inside to get him some food."

"Since when do you care about anyone else?" Hermione continued, still pointing at him with a glare.

"I guess when we _all_ almost died, now go away I'm getting a headache."

"Once a prat, always a prat," Ron sneered and the two moved away, not far, but at least they weren't talking anymore.

Draco and Luna shared a look, she was still leaning over the back of the couch, "you okay Drake?"

"I'm fine, he isn't though." His voice was quiet as he glanced at the other who was still pushing the food around with his fork, "I think something is really wrong with him."

"He'll be fine," she answered, "he has great friends - a little worrisome and coddling, but they are still great friends and he has you now right?"

"Has me?" Draco shook his head, "he's drunk, tomorrow he'll hate me again."

"I doubt that," Luna answered with a chuckle, "I seriously doubt that."

Harry turned around, "okay done."

"You didn't eat anything."

"It's making me sick," Harry pouted, his eyes wide and his lip pushed out.

Draco leaned towards him, "are you always a baby, Potter?" He asked while looking at the other, "it's your fault anyway, you shouldn't have drank that much so you could eat."

"I didn't plan on eating to be fair."

"I can tell..." Draco's eyes were trailing from his face down his body and Harry looked down as well.

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell you haven't been eating, is all," Draco shrugged, "you need to take care of yourself, Potter."

Harry stared at Draco quietly, tilting his head to the side and he then he turned around and started eating. Luna cleared her throat gathering Draco's attention again, "so, he has you."

"Why me?"

"Who knows? Luna shrugged, "something sweet about you, Draco Malfoy, taking care of the broken savior."

Draco frowned, wrinkling his nose, "I think he just needs someone that doesn't treat him like _Harry Potter._ "

"Me too," Luna leaned forward and kissed the blonde on the forehead, "good luck with him tonight, I'm going to bed."

"Oh thanks," Draco muttered, "I get Tweedledee and Tweedledum too." Luna's eyes rolled before she flounced off, Draco watched her go with a smirk - she was odd but Merlin was she honest and insightful? He jumped when he felt a pressure on his knee and looked down to see Harry's cheek pressed to it eyes closed wearing a smile.

Hermione and Ron shared a look then their eyes turned to Draco who was doing his best to avoid their looks, "you found him like this, Malfoy?" Hermione spoke up, edging forward slightly.

"I highly doubt tonight is the first time he's been this drunk, Granger."

"Me too," she answered softly, frowning deeply, "why you?"

"I've been asking myself that question since I stumbled upon him..."

* * *

Harry woke with a quiet groan, his whole body ached and his head throbbed. He laid back on his back unmoving and stretched his arms up, oh how he loved this feeling. This feeling meant there wouldn't be any unwelcome memories floating into his mind all morning - at least until noonish, which by one he would be drinking. It would be alright.

He could hear people moving around him and pushed up off the bed, he welcomed the nausea that coursed through his body burping quietly, _ehh._ He scanned the area, happy to find he was practically unnoticed by everyone else. The beds were in a half moon, ten beds facing a mirror it seemed then Harry realized the mirror was another half moon of ten beds. Each bed was color coded by houses he noticed. 4 red, 4 green, 4 yellow, 4 purple, every four started the cycle over again so everyone was sleeping next to someone from a different house. In the open middle was a heater, and a few chairs.

Harry looked around the room, he saw the stairs that lead down to the commons and saw there were 6 doors off the circular room which from the sight of Ron coming out of one with a towel around his waist told him they were bathrooms.

"'Arry," Ron spoke up suddenly and hurried towards him, "you okay mate?"

"Yeah, fine, why?" Harry was sitting up now, and digging through his trunk for clothing.

"I mean you feel okay? I got a hangover cure if you want."

"No," Harry shook his head, "I'm fine, barely even have one." He lied, this might have been the worst he had ever had but he liked it this way. "I'm gonna take a quick shower, I'll meet you guys at breakfast."

"Sure," Ron nodded, "oh hey, do you remember last night?"

Harry did, he remembered everything. Every detail. Especially every Draco detail. "Oh, yeah why wouldn't I?"

"You were pretty pissed y'know."

Harry chuckled, shrugging, "blessed with a clear mind, I guess."

"Hey, you okay though? You know if you need anything we can talk anytime, right?" Ron asked, "I'm sorry I haven't expressed that more, I just figured you knew, I'm here anytime mate."

"Thanks," Harry stepped around him and hurried towards an open bathroom. When he finished getting cleaned up he grabbed his jacket off his bed - the 8th years didn't have to wear robes, McGonagall wanted them to feel like guest rather than students. They were equals in her eyes, her letter had said over the summer to each of them. Adults, adults who had risked their lives for the world, they were welcomed as equals to get the degree they had been denied.

Harry was a-okay with that, he slipped the leather jacket into place, grabbed his book bag and wand and hurried down the stairs. He was one of the last to leave the new dorms and found Hermione and Ron waiting for him in the commons, "oh, I kept you two waiting?"

"It's okay," Hermione shrugged, "that's a nice jacket, Harry, look's good."

"Thanks," Harry chuckled, "anyway, ready?"

The three headed out to the Great Hall and as they headed down the stairs Harry suddenly remembered the memorial and stopped on the bottom stair he felt the panic set in, "I'll be right after you guys," he called to the two, "I forgot my wand." His lie was easy and he turned and headed back up the stairs before they could say anything, glancing over his shoulder when he got to the top seeing they had disappeared into the Great Hall.

"Figured you'd find a way to avoid it," Draco said as he approached the other, "c'mon, the door on the left doesn't go by it."

Harry swallowed nervously as he looked at Draco, even with sober eyes his hair was sexy, "thanks, Malfoy."

"Don't mention it," Draco shrugged and walked down the stairs glancing back to make sure Harry was following him, they went on the left and Draco held the door open for Harry, "I'll see ya around Potter."

Harry stepped towards him, watching Draco raise a brow, "what if I join you for breakfast?"

"Where? At the Slytherin table?" Harry bit his lip, dragging the ring into his mouth with a suckle as he nodded. "Going to eat?" Harry nodded again, his teeth tugging on the ring. Something Draco was learning the man played with his lips when he was nervous. "Sure," Draco lifted a shoulder and turned towards his table, leading the way to the Slytherin table. "Move over," he said as soon as he got up to Blaise and Pansy. Pansy scooted over and Draco sat next to her, Blaise did the same and Harry eased into the seat.

He wasn't sure how they were going to react, Draco was nervous himself mentally preparing to defend Potter should one of the two say something or anyone else around the table for that matter. Blaise picked up his coffee and took a big drink, clearing his throat as the silence grew, "how'd you sleep, Potter?"

"I don't know, dreamlessly." Harry shrugged, glancing over, "Zambini, right?"

"That's me," the Slytherin smiled, all his teeth showing, "most people call me Blaise, you're welcome to."

"Harry, then," the Gryffindor responded and reached out his hand.

Draco looked between them as the handshake stopped and over to Pansy when she whined, "Drakey, introduce _meeeee._ "

"I doubt you need an introduction," Blaise rolled his eyes, "she's slept with practically everyone."

Pansy scoffed, "I'm a girl with a healthy sexual appetite!"

Harry chuckled, "Parkinson?"

Pansy pushed Draco out of the way, "since Draco is so rude," she started and thrust her hand forward, "Pansy Parkinson."

Harry took her hand, and grinned, "are you seeing anyone?"

"That's a little forward..." Pansy wiggled her brows, " and, I don't mind."

"Not me," Harry shook his head, "I'm gay..." He paused and cleared his throat, "that's the first time I've said it aloud." Blaise chuckled, Pansy pouted and Draco stared, "uh I got a friend... Neville Longbottom, he's a great guy. Attractive, real sweet and smart too, you might give him a talk was all I was going to suggest."

"Might I?" Pansy quirked a brow, "you're welcome anytime, Potter."

"Harry," he urged, "honestly, just Harry."

"Okay..." Pansy nodded, "Harry, we'll talk boys at lunch. I have to run up and grab my books." She blew a kiss to the three of them before jumping up and running off. Harry chuckled, and picked up his fork getting some food on his plate. Draco was sitting quietly, a little uncertain about what just happened and barely listening as Blaise and Harry discussed their classes.

 _Did Potter just become friends with... Blaise and Pansy? Did...? What the fuck?_


	3. Chapter 2: Intergrated

**A/n:** [Pierced!Harry/PastelHair!Draco/Dom!Draco]

 **Warnings:** Depression, drinking, self-harming and blood. Please be advised. **Rated:** M

A/U. DracoxHarry. I don't own Harry Potter or the likes, it'd be a gay mess if I did.

"If they don't put me away, well it'll be a miracle..." - _Jesus Christ_ , Brand New

* * *

Harry was standing with his shoulder pressed to the wall, his eyes scanning the window as he looked out among grounds. He was holding his flask in one hand sipping the drink and his other held a book he had propped open pretending to read. He could feel himself growing tipsy, he had been begging for the feeling all day. He wasn't able to place his regular flask, one that was engineered to never run out, so he was having to drink from his back up. One that was going to run out.

And soon if he wasn't careful.

"Harry?" Hermione called from behind and he glanced over, letting the lip ring fall from his teeth and raised his eyebrow. "Hey, what's up?"

"Reading," he turned and showed her the book, "you?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go to dinner with us?"

"Oh?" He looked down at his watch, "yeah, that's fine." He closed the book and slipped the flask into his back pocket before picking it up and carrying it with him.

"What is the book about?"

"For potions," Harry explained, "I don't have The Half-blood Prince to fall back on anymore." He explained, stopping to sign the book out before joining her on the walk, "so I figured I'd would get one to help me a bit, I have to get through this class to be an auror - don't I?"

"Still going to do that?"

Harry shrugged, "that's what they say." He was speaking dryly barely paying attention because all he could think of was the drink that was in his back pocket and how much he wanted it - and he'd rather have that thought than one that involved Snape dying which were pushing their way to the front since he had mentioned him. _Fucking idiot._ He cursed at himself and glanced around taking in their surroundings, "left door." He said continuing to walk when she had turned.

Hermione raised her eyebrows, "what?"

"The left door," Harry answered again, "look at how many first years are over there." He lied as he walked, stopping to pull the door open for her.

"Oh, always observant," Hermione laughed walking in ahead of him, "Harry I was wondering..."

Harry looked over as he walked beside her, "hm?"

"I was wondering if.. I don't know, do you _like_ Malfoy?"

"Oh," Harry chuckled, giving her a smile, "I do a bit - yeah. He isn't a bad bloke, I had breakfast and lunch with them today. Pansy is actually pretty funny."

"I meant as.. Are you gay?"

Harry raised his eyebrows, running his fingers through his hair, "yeah, I am. And I think he might just be my type." Hermione was quiet as they walked towards their table, the two of them ignoring the eyes, "I hate this place, now." Harry changed the subject, "I hate all of them."

"Harry!" She gasped in a quiet voice, giving him a look.

Harry blinked, taking a moment to realize the situation, "uh..." he cleared his throat, "I didn't mean literally, 'Mione, I just hate the staring."

Hermione sat next to him, "oh I understand that." She frowned, "I think they mean well."

"I'm sure," Harry shrugged, he was done with the conversation. He was done with all the conversations. He shouldn't have come to dinner, he didn't want to be here, "so anyway, classes, you liking them or whatever?"

And he knew that was enough to get her attention back to something else that wasn't him. Harry stared down at the plate before him half listening to her go on about the new professors, which was soon joined in conversation by Neville and Ginny and he was off the hook. He pushed the food around with his fork, and bounced his leg noiselessly under the table - each time his leg bounced he thought about the drink. The sounds around him were loud - the chatter, the conversations taking over the whole room. He tried to get lost in the noise of it but he couldn't.

All he could do was think about Snape. He saw the scene in his mind.. Snape laying on the floor of the shrieking shack, blood spilling from his neck, his own hands covered in it as he tried to stop the bleeding.

 _"Come here. T_ _ake them... you have your mothers eyes."_

Harry shuddered, shutting his eyes. His hand was grabbing his fork so hard he could feel the metal bending between his grasp, the metal of it melding against his hand, his arm was shaking with the force. _You have your mothers eyes. Take them. Blood everywhere._ Harry could taste it, the metallic taste of it against his tongue, his teeth grinding against his lip.

"Potter?"

Harry flashed his eyes open, blinking a few times to focus on reality. The room was still buzzing with everyone and their conversations, he could feel it, but it was white noise falling on deaf ears because all he could focus on now was Draco Malfoy.

The Prince of Slytherin was standing at the Gryffindor table, saying his name. Again. "Potter?"

"Malfoy!" He gasped out quietly, and started to stand up but Draco waved his hand, taking the seat across from him.

"Thought I'd return the favor."

"Wh-what?" Harry asked raising the eyebrow, "what favor?"

"Entertaining the hall at my expense."

Harry looked around as if noticing the stares for the first time which was a first in and of itself because he always noticed the staring. "Oh.." He chuckled and leaned against the table top, "how are you Malfoy?"

The man shrugged, "perfect of course, Potter," he raised a manicured blonde eyebrow, "eating tonight?"

Harry looked at his plate, his hand a little cramped from the grip he had on the fork which he dropped and sat back a bit, "no, I'm not hungry."

Draco leaned in careful to keep his shirt off the plate before him, "I can tell from the flush on your cheeks Potter, you've been drinking."

"Or..." Harry shot a wink across the table, "I'm just excited to see you."

Draco laughed shortly and sat back, picking up his own fork taking a bite of the dinner and ignoring the comment. Harry smirked and looked over the food, grabbing a piece of bread off the table and taking a bite. The eyes on them had died down - students still stealing glances, and the conversation had picked back up, when he took a bite of the bread he looked down in disgust the taste of blood was everywhere in his mouth.

"Your lip, Harry," Pansy said as she sat next to Draco, scooting right in without invitation.

 _Oh yeah._ "Hey Pansy," he greeted her, wiping the blood off his mouth and took a quick drink before he continued eating.

"It's cute, not the blood... but the lip ring." She reached across the table, and slid her finger across his lip letting her index finger play with the metal ring a second, "I like it."

Hermione's eyes were narrowed as she watched this, before looking at Harry in question, but Harry was smiling and bit his lip after a second, "thanks."

"We didn't get to talk boys at lunch," she shrugged, reaching for a spoonful of potatoes, "Blaise is such a bloody drama queen."

"Was that what it was?" Blaise asked and Harry glanced over his shoulder scooting closer to Hermione and letting the man sit down, "if I recall right, you were too busy staring over at this table trying to find Neville." Draco groaned and Harry looked up curiously.

"Here we go," The blonde hissed under his breath and Blaise half stood looking around.

"Neville where are you?" He asked, his eyes scanning the table.

Harry watched as Neville perked up, looking at him. He was right next to Pansy, between her and Ginny, "hello?"

"Oh fate is mysterious," Blaise smiled, and pointed across the table to his neighbor, "she was looking for you."

"Oh?" Neville looked her over than over to Harry curiously.

"Neville, this is Pansy Parkinson, she is an 8th year Slytherin..." Harry introduced the two, "he's the cute, smart bloke I was telling you about."

The brunette girl didn't need anything else and her smile told Harry that as he tapered off, "hey, I'm Pansy..."

"I'm Neville," the boy took her hand, "Pansy like.. the flower?"

"Most people say it like an insult."

"They're mad," Neville exclaimed, "pansies are beautiful and often used as the flower for remembrance."

"Are they?" Pansy grinned, "tell me more." She added before taking a bite.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head, and caught sight of Draco's smile before the heir turned away, "how were classes Harry?"

"Fine," Harry turned towards Blaise when he asked, "how about yours?"

Blaise shrugged, "I don't know what I'm planning on doing after school, honestly, so I am taking all the basics. A couple electives."

"What electives?"

"Alchemy and Runes."

"I'm taking those too," Harry tilted his head, "probably the only two classes I even want to take honestly." He chuckled, and glanced down at his empty plate before reaching for a piece of chicken.

"Auror plans?"

Harry was picking at the baked chicken and looked over, "oh yeah, that's what they say."

"Oh?" Blaise nodded and took a bite, moving on.

"So Harry," Pansy interrupted and the raven haired boy looked up to see Neville blushing while taking a drink, her arm brushing against his, "going to introduce us?"

"How could I forget?" He joked and looked towards his friends that were sitting on his right, "Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom - which you all just met. Hermione and Ron this is Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zambini, my new friends. We met this morning over at the Slytherin table."

Ron shot a smile around, taking Blaise's hand and giving Pansy a wave, "how you guys doing?" He asked, Blaise taking that question and the two talked over Harry and Hermione. Hermione was scowling down at her plate without an ounce of interest in everyone else.

"Are we friends now?" Draco spoke up, looking right at Harry and once again it was the only thing Harry could focus on despite the conversations around him.

"I dunno, are we?"

"Do you want to be?" Draco asked with a head tilt, some of his multi color hair falling from the hold his hair gel had on them, Harry chewed on his lip rolling the ring with his teeth as he nodded. "Friends don't let friends go hungry, eat your food Potter." And Harry did just that.

The seven of them stayed at the table until the food disappeared and even after that until the house elves made them leave, they had all been doing course work. Blaise and Ron became fast friends, and even Blaise was able to get Hermione in on some of the conversation once she relaxed. Neville and Pansy were quick to hit it off, the two moving on through friendship to potential relationship in no time. Harry found it odd he felt so relaxed in this setting, he thought he should be feeling like Hermione did; tense and uncertain but he didn't. It was comfortable, falling into place like this he just felt so... normal.

There was something about the way Blaise smiled and was light hearted and Pansy was kind beneath all her walls which shone through in her eyes. He couldn't believe how he spent years listening to other people complain to him about these three and how that effected his idea of who they were. And Draco... How could he even describe Draco? The man was standoffish, but so was Harry, and on top of that he was attentive and honest, sweet too and Merlin could the guy kiss.

Now as they were all headed out the doors and up to their shared common room, they clearly having no intention of breaking apart as Hermione was now talking to Blaise about the Charms class and giving him some advice on the first lesson. Harry wasn't wasted, but he was still riding the high. He had been taking sips all night and though he thought it was unnoticed - Draco saw each one.

"I think I'll catch you guys later," Harry spoke up once they were on the stairs, "I left something in the library."

"Alright, mate," Ron smiled and turned with the four.

Draco stared after Harry, "where are you going?"

"The Astronomy Tower," Harry answered truthful, "I think I left my flask in there last night, this one isn't enchanted and runs out."

"You mean..." Draco paused and pulled out Harry's clear, glass and full flask, "this one?"

"You had it?" Harry reached out taking it from him, "how?"

"Last night after I took you back, you handed it to me." Draco shrugged, "I had forgotten about it actually."

"Oh thanks," Harry unscrewed the cap and took a sip visibly relaxing when the liquid slid down his throat, "thanks Malfoy."

"Sure," he shrugged, "I'll catch you later Potter, don't get caught." He added before heading off towards the commons. Harry watched him walk away and when he was alone in the middle of the stairwell he felt suddenly very small. The whole castle seemed to grow as he looked around spinning a slow circle. He felt like the last person standing, he felt alone. He felt more alone now then he had ever in his life.

He could see it all, all the death that had taken place. He could hear all the whispers circling his thoughts, the whispers that haunted his dreams.

 _Kill the spare. Give me Harry and no one will die. Take them all... you have your mothers eyes. Harry Potter. Always. Only one shall live. All you have to do is give it to me, I can show you everything. Don't you want to know the secret of your scar?_

 _Don't you want to know the secret of your scar?_

He looked down, his hands shaking and he unscrewed the flask taking a long drink. Closing his eyes but it only grew.

All the voices, and then he could hear Dudley in his ear, _freak!_ He could feel his fist pounding against his body, his foot against his chest, _this is good._ He thought, slugging back another drink. Tonight he would remember that.

Nothing else. No, nothing else. Not tonight. This would do. Pain.

 _Punch. Pain. Kick. Pain. Punch. Punch. Punch. Pain. Kick. Kick. P-Pu-Pa-Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Whisky._

* * *

"Draco!" Blaise yelled, running into the dorms ignoring the grumbles from the few other sleeping students his eyes on the pale blonde who was still sleeping, "Draco!" He shook him roughly, "get up! It's Harry!"

Draco peeked his eyes open, and glanced to the bed that was next to his and saw it was empty. Empty and not slept in. "What?"

"It's Harry, c'mon!" Blaise was grabbing something that Draco couldn't see and then he jumped out of bed, jerking his wand off the top of his trunk while following Blaise - not bothering to grab a robe or anything. He didn't care, it was Harry. That is all that mattered.

Blaise hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time and Draco followed closely behind coming into the empty common room, "where is he?" He asked as he looked around, expecting the mess of a man to be sitting in there crying? Or just really drunk? Or naked and running around? But he wasn't. It was empty except for Ron.

"Malfoy," Ron looked relieved as he stepped into view, "he's only asking for you."

"What's going on?" Draco demanded when the redhead turned away from him and lead the way out of the common's, Blaise following. "Blaise, what is going on? Where is Potter?" But no one answered, they just walked swiftly through the hallways, running down the stairwell and when they took the turn behind the stairwell Draco stopped.

He knew where they were going and he didn't want to go.

"No."

Blaise and Ron both stopped, looking at him, "he wants you, Malfoy," Ron answered, "he won't calm down, he just keeps saying your name."

"Tell me what's going on right now!"

Blaise swallowed roughly, and turned to look at his friend, "Draco, Harry is hurt. A lot."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"He wants to see you, Drake, he won't calm down. He hexed McGonagall.. he just wants you," Blaise's voice was quiet as he talked, his hands were shaking as he reached out for Draco, "he's completely trashed, dangerously so, it's like he doesn't even know who he is anymore. He's gone. And he's really hurt..." Blaise closed his eyes, "I don't know how to explain it?"

Ron shook his head, "I don't know I've never seen anything like this, he is messed up Malfoy."

Draco swallowed roughly and pushed past the two of them, walking towards the infirmary, pausing at the door when he saw Pansy and Hermione standing next to it McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and Slughorn with them. But he didn't talk he just opened the door and walked in.

Harry was standing in the middle of the room, his back to Draco and he stood unmoving. Quiet.

"Potter?" Draco called out from the door, shutting it behind him.

"Go away."

Draco cleared his throat, "don't think I can do that, Potter. I heard you were asking for me."

"That's what does it, huh? Just me asking for you?" Draco almost laughed, but remained quiet, "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what?"

Harry lifted a shoulder, "like this."

"What's going on, Potter, no one will tell me anything."

Harry shrugged again, "does that bother you?"

Draco sighed, "I'm not playing this game with you Potter," he reached out and took the handle when a spell shot across the room and right into the door. He whipped around, his wand out ready to defend himself when he saw Harry. He wanted to gasp, to throw up.. but he couldn't give Harry that satisfaction. Or was it his own pride that he couldn't bruise? He didn't know anymore. He looked at Harry, standing still and quiet, only his eyes moved and they scanned his face.

"This isn't a game Malfoy!" Harry screamed, "this is my _life_."

"This is my life too, Potter!" Draco roared back, his resolve breaking instantly, "you think you're the only one in the whole world going through this? You think you're the only one that got fucked up from the war?" Draco's voice was loud and cut through the silence.

"Oh fuck off Malfoy, you got off scot-free. I made sure of that."

Draco scoffed, "is this what it's like to owe Harry Potter a favor? Take me now then, because this isn't worth it."

Harry's laugh was quiet, hollow, and he looked to the side, "I don't need anyone Malfoy." _Freak!_

"Oh I can tell," Draco snapped, "you're so warm and welcoming to everyone, it's like you're fine."

"I am fine!" Harry jerked his head, _freak!,_ and looked back at him. His wand was pointed right at Draco and he glared, "I especially don't need you." _You know the spell Harry, say it..._

"Do it," Draco sneered, crossing his arms against his chest, "go ahead, Potter, show the world how _fine_ you are. Can't stop drinking, you bloody hurt yourself, ignoring your friends, hexing professors and what is it you're planning to do right now? Kill me? Curse me? _Hurt me_?"

 _Kill the spare._ Harry was shaking, his breath coming out in hot burst, "I'll do it!"

"Don't think there is a single thing you can do to me that hasn't been done before!" Draco answered and he showed his bare left arm, "I grew up in this life, Potter, _that_ was misery. Because if it wasn't my father beating me or my mother touching me, my aunt had a go and Merlin did I _love_ disappointing Voldemort because he always had a fun way of trying out things on all of us kids." Draco was shaking as he spoke, his voice going from a scream to a quiet whisper, "but that's okay you're the only one with problems, Savior-of-the-World, let us bow before him."

Harry blinked his wand dropping, not just his arm but his wand to the ground and he sunk down to his knees. Two wide green eyes staring up at Draco. There was blood everywhere. Harry was covered in it, from top of his head running down his face, his neck and some on his shirt. The whole left side of his face caked in it - some of it dried, some of still drying and some wet and fresh. Harry stared back, his teeth tugging across his lip. Draco approached him, walking out across the room only stopping when he was a little more than arms length away, "what did you do?" Draco asked quietly, he could smell the alcohol. It was so strong he could almost taste it and had to clear his throat to fight back the burn.

"I still hear him," Harry whispered, and he shut his eyes, "I still hear his voice in my mind, I want him out."

Draco stared at the cut that was slicing along the lightning bolt scar, "he's not here Harry. He's gone."

Harry stared up at the other, his eyes watering and he reached out for the paler one wrapping his arm around his legs and leaning towards him, his clean cheek brushing against the material of Draco's sleeping pants, "help me, Draco, because I can't do this alone."

Draco wasn't sure what to do so he stayed still and stroked Harry's hair, "first things first, we need to get the cut cleaned up." Harry nodded silently his grip tightening and that told Draco he wasn't going to let go anytime soon so he turned slightly and used his wand to open the doors to the infirmary.

When they entered it was like a wave, they were loud and worried and the 7 of them were hovering. McGonagall was staring with a frown sharing whispers with Slughorn, Hermione was knelt down with Madam Pomfrey who was cleaning Harry's injury and Blaise, Ron and Pansy were practically breathing down Draco's arm. The three of them staring in horror.

Draco was growing tense, but he stayed still, his hand never leaving Harry's hair and Harry never let go of his leg. His arm was wrapped around Draco tightly and his clean cheek was pressed to his leg with his eyes closed. Draco watched Pomfrey work; she moved quickly cleaning the cut and trying a few silent spells to close it up but it stared it's ugly head right back at them.

Draco was trying to avoid looking at the gaping wound, his stomach churning from the blood that continued to spill over the split skin. He couldn't imagine the pain Harry had to put himself through to do that, he couldn't imagine the pain Harry had felt to even want to do that. He couldn't imagine any of it, it made his body ache at just the thought. It made him sick. Draco drug his hand through Harry's messy wild hair, the Gryffindor was humming and seeming practically oblivious to the matter at hand as he clutched Draco's leg.

Draco and Pomfrey met each other's eyes, the older woman frowning deeply she had tears in her eyes as she and Draco shared the look. He understood the look, he understood all of it. "Potter," Draco said stepping back, the man almost falling forward startled by the sudden movement and he reached out for the blonde again. "Get up, we need to lay you down."

"Oh," Harry heaved himself off the ground, still reaching for Draco and ignoring everyone else. His friends were watching nervously, McGonagall was frowning - Pomfrey explaining the circumstance, "to bed?"

"That one," Draco nodded at one of the infirmary beds, "we have to do some muggle patch work." He explained trying to ignore the hand that was sliding down his arm to his own hand as they walked. Harry laid up on the bed, and as soon as his head hit the pillow he groaned softly, "you okay?"

"I don't feel so good," Harry admitted and reached up towards his head, Draco slapped his hand away with a glare.

"Don't touch your head," he instructed and pulled up the chair next to his bed.

Pomfrey was assessing the cut, "tergeo," she said and re cleaned the cut before numbing the sight and busying herself with quick wand work to stitch up over the scar, "you okay Mr. Potter?"

"A little sick," he whispered his eyes shutting as he talked, "I don't feel so good." He was squeezing Draco's hand tightly, and dragging his thumb over the other's palm, Draco was doing his best to ignore both his thumb and the self-inflicted scar. "It's gonna be there for a while, huh?"

"Magic doesn't heal dark cuts, dark magic, dark thoughts, Mr. Potter," she answered and held up the bandage wrap about to fit it over his head, "it'll be there forever."

"Draco," Harry waved her away.

She blinked and glanced to the Slytherin who sighed and jerked his hand from Harry's to stand, taking the bandages from her. She pulled the curtain close around them and Draco could hear her shooing the others out, while he unrolled the bandages, "I'm not helping you with this wound when you're sober," Draco spoke around the quiver in his voice.

"Blood make you queasy?"

"That amount of blood does," Draco answered, frowning deeply before moving his long cool fingers over Harry's head, the bandage falling into place.

"How bad is it?"

He ran his thumb over top of the bandage lightly, starting just past his temple and across Harry's forehead to stop just between his nose, "it's big and ugly, Potter, you shouldn't have done that."

Harry swallowed roughly, "I can hear him, Malfoy, I need him gone."

And then their eyes met and Harry relaxed, Draco bent slightly coming eye level with him, "c'mon, let's get you cleaned up." He nodded and gave Draco his hand, the Slytherin helping him stand. Harry was humming as he walked and Draco led the way up the stairs and through the hallways finally coming before the painting.

"We gotta stop meeting like this," Harry said suddenly and turned a wide smile to Draco who only rolled his eyes in response before giving the password to open the doors.

He nudged Harry in, and looked him over, "stop humming Potter, most people are asleep right now."

"Oh," Harry quieted down and held fast to Draco as if he was scared the other was going to leave him, he even hooked his arm around his waist, "okay."

Draco led the way up the stairs and stopped at a bathroom door, "I'll be right back," Draco sat him on the toilet, "don't do anything." He added, shutting the door behind him. Draco lit his wand and moved over to Harry's trunk digging through it for clothing coming up with boxers and a t-shirt.

"Put the light out!"

"Oh piss off," Draco sneered back, heading back to the bathroom. When he entered he almost left, the sight before him wasn't bad per say but it did startle him. Harry was standing naked, leaning against the wall and looking at the water, "what part of do nothing didn't you understand?"

Harry looked over his shoulder, his face, neck and chest clean of blood now, "I thought I'd start a shower. It's safe enough."

"Mmhm," Draco looked away, setting the clothing on the counter, "well hurry up, I'm tired. And don't get your head wet Potter."

"You could join? To help?"

"Maybe another time," Draco smirked, kinda enjoying the way Harry flushed.

He stepped into the warm water, "another time? I'm holding you to that Malfoy."

"M'kay," Draco answered and tilted his head back against the cool tile wall listening to Harry shower. He could hear the water dropping in heaps as Harry moved and heard the humming starting all over again. It didn't last too long and soon the water was off and Harry was stepping out, Draco did his best to keep his eyes trained forward not attempting a glance and getting caught. He was a Malfoy after all.

Harry dried and changed quickly, "okay, Malfoy, you can stop with the painfully obvious looking away."

"I wasn't." Draco answered quickly and looked over, "you are going to drink this before we leave this bathroom or we're not leaving."

"What is it?"

"A sobering potion," Draco answered, holding out the small bottle, "drink it."

Harry looked at him, frowning, "I don't want to."

"Then I guess we better get comfortable," Draco shrugged, relaxing back against tile wall.

"Why do I have to?"

"I said so."

"I like the hangover."

Draco looked down, raising his eyebrow, "what?"

"I like the hangover, it comes with a headache and a headache means I don't have to hear their voices."

"Well, you got me now, Potter," Draco answered and opened the bottle, "drink up."

"What does that mean exactly? I got you?"

Draco groaned quietly running his fingers through his multicolored hair, "Potter I'm exhausted, it's 3 in the morning we have classes in six hours... can we please talk about what that means when we wake up?"

Harry reached out for the bottle, "is it a good thing?"

"Do you want me?"

"Yes."

"Then I guess it is, drink it."

"You're so bossy Malfoy," Harry tilted his head back and drank the potion, almost grimacing the moment he swallowed it. Everything was clear, nothing was spinning or fuzzy. Everything was crystal clear. He looked at Draco blinking slowly, and felt a wave of emotion knock into him, staggering backwards his hand reaching out to grip the wall and steady himself, "I..."

"Tomorrow we can talk all you want," Draco whispered, and reached out a slow hand, "but right now we're going to bed." Harry nodded slowly and pressed up against the other, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He buried his face against his bare chest, Draco hugged him back before taking his hand and pulling him out of the bathroom.

* * *

Harry woke with a scream building that was quickly silenced by the stroke of a hand on his face, he opened two wide eyes and looked over to see Draco staring down at him with a deep frown, fingers trailing over his face, "you're alright Potter, just a dream."

"Just a dream," Harry whispered his eyes never once leaving Draco's. _Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Draco._

Draco dropped his hand and rolled away from Harry, "get dressed Potter, we have classes in a few hours."

"How'd you know I was waking up?"

"You punched me," Draco explained, his hand covering his side where a red mark was, "other than that you slept like a baby."

"I-I'm sorry."

"You being sorry isn't getting dressed. C'mon, I am not waiting around for you lazy git." The Slytherin rolled his shoulders as he spoke and grabbed a set of clothing from atop his trunk before heading over to the bathroom where a Hufflepuff was making his way in, that was until Draco pushed him aside.

"Hey!"

"Hi," Draco shut the door on his face. Harry chuckled before sitting up his bed was right next to Draco's something he hadn't noticed yesterday and something that told him wasn't a coincidence, he dug through his trunk to find clothing - settling on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and his jacket. He started running his comb through his hair and felt a tug when suddenly all of last night came crashing back around him.

Harry froze dropping the brush and walked over to a mirror with wide eyes, looking at the bandage around his forehead. _I'm not helping you with this when you're sober,_ came into his mind. He was reaching up to undo the wrap when Draco approached. The pastel haired angel had an untied tie around his neck, and a white button up that covered his arms. He grabbed his bag off the ground to shoulder it, "alright Potter, Blaise said everyone was waiting on _you_ for bre- don't. Don't touch it."

"Shouldn't I change the bandage?"

"Go see Pomfrey before classes but don't do it yourself." Harry nodded, dropping his hand, "Blaise said they're waiting on us, c'mon."

Harry gave an annoyed look and grabbed his own bag off the ground, "okay."

"What was that look for?"

"I don't know, nothing," Harry shrugged and started walking away, that was until Draco came around and stood in front of him.

"The only way any of this works, Potter, is if you're honest."

"It's not that... it's just embarrassing."

"What?" Draco raised a brow, "like, what you did?"

"No..." Harry groaned, "I just wanted us - because I wanted to talk."

"Oh Merlin," Draco huffed and turned around.

"See!" Harry pleaded running after him, the two happened upon the others waiting around the fire place. Hermione and Ron were leaning against each other, Pansy was perched on Neville's lap and Blaise was reading a paper of notes.

"Let's go," Draco called not bothering to stop as Harry hurried after him, the others quickly falling behind.

Harry grabbed for Draco, who ignored this by side stepping him, "oh c'mon Malfoy, what was it you just said?"

Draco gave a sneer, "Potter, shut up."

"What's going on?" Blaise asked, sliding up towards them and away from the couples behind him.

"Draco won't talk to me now," Harry sighed, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

Blaise arched a brow, "find that hard to believe the man _did_ sleep with you."

Harry couldn't help but flush, and turned away a second, "I said something embarrassing... and now he won't talk to me."

"Oh come off it," Draco shook his head, "you're just one of those gu- those _people_ that like to have conversations about everything."

Harry scoffed, "like most people, Malfoy!"

"Not him," Blaise shook his head, "Draco prefers to just go about life, not having conversations and controlling it."

"Then how are we supposed to talk about that _stuff..._ " Harry made motion at his head, "and last night, like you said we would if you don't talk?"

"That's a different conversation, Potter, that's about you. Not, you and me."

"So there is a him and you, huh?" Pansy asked having come up closer, sliding through the doors after them.

"No, there isn't." Draco hissed, "there is a Harry Potter and a Draco Malfoy and not a Harry and Draco."

"That's oddly confusing," Ron chimed in, "I mean there's a something - you did sleep with him last night."

"Thank you!" Blaise clapped Ron on the shoulder with a big grin.

Draco turned around, glaring at all five of them, "there is about to be five seriously injured students if they don't shut up."

"Oh come on Drake," Pansy giggled, "chill out, you know we're just teasing you." She reached out and fixed his hair, then grabbed Neville's hand and the two started towards the Gryffindor table.

"And if you think we're sitting over here every stupid bloody meal," Draco continued, "just because there are more of you - you're wrong."

"Why do you think you have to sit with us, if there isn't a _you and him_ to worry about?" Hermione answered smartly, following after them with Ron in hand.

Ron and Blaise laughed loudly, "nice one Hermione."

"Oh, I hate her," Draco scowled, stomping along. Harry stood at the door smiling, Draco may say there is nothing. There is no him and he, but Harry hadn't seen Draco that passionate and red faced in a long time... "C'mon Potter!" Draco added, snapping his fingers at Harry who laughed and ran to catch up.

They only had a few classes together, Harry and his new friends. Where Ron, Hermione and him were in nearly every class together. Blaise, Pansy and Draco were only in a few of the same ones. Blaise, Draco and him shared Alchemy and Ancient Runes, and all six of them shared DA, Potions and Transfiguration.

And right now they were all crammed around a rectangular table in Potions, with three cauldrons brewing. Slughorn had suggested pairs of two to work through the list of potions that were on the O.W.L.s, naturally Ron and Hermione paired off and Blaise had sat with Draco, so Pansy scooted over to Harry.

"I suck." She greeted him, "but no problem for you, right Harry? You were a prodigy our 6th year."

"A prodigy?" Ron rolled his eyes, "nice laugh, the man can't brew for shit. You two are fucked."

"Language," Hermione chided as she set her cauldron up.

"Well, they are!"

Pansy pouted, "Drakey, please trade with me!" She whined as she stood up heading around towards him, "I don't want Harry and I to fail!"

Harry smiled, leaning against the table with his chin propped up. Draco glanced over, "I don't want him if he's that bad."

"Uh!" Harry gasped, "I'm not _that_ bad, I just need coaxing."

"Not helping your case, mate," Blaise smirked and slung his arm around Pansy, "I like you more than Draco, Pans, he's an asshole to work with."

"I am not!" Draco snapped, but jerked his head as if to call Harry over. "I just like things done a very specific way, and you don't like to do them that way Blaise."

"Asshole."

Draco let out an annoyed sigh, and grabbed one of the copies of the list off the table reading through the 15 or so of them, "we have to brew all of these for our OWLs?" Harry asked with a deep sigh, leaning against the table as he looked at the list over Draco's shoulder.

"No," Hermione shook her head gathering his attention, "we'll brew Draught and Liquid Luck - more than likely. At least Draught for sure, it's always on there. The others we will need to know the properties of, ingredients, all the specifics of them and they will set up questions as if you were doing it what would you do next, or do different, or how would you save it...? That's all."

"Oh, yeah, _that's all_ ," Harry grumbled and picked up his wand tapping his cauldron as it set up, "well, what's first?" He asked, peering at the list.

"An invisibility potion," Draco answered setting the list down as Harry opened his book and glanced over at it, "that's not the course book."

"Oh I know," Harry put his hand on the page, "I found it in the library, it's about Potions like their properties and the stuff Hermione was explaining, I figured since I am bad at the course I would need some extra help."

"Oh," Draco looked at him with a raised brow, _he... is so bloody sexy. Self improvement is absolutely stunning on you Harry Potter._

"What?" Harry asked with a sigh, "I know, it's dorky. Whatever."

"I.. It's fine," Draco nodded, "a good idea."

"Thanks Malfoy," Harry muttered through his blush, his mood swing coming and going like a drop of a hat, and turned back to the page reading the passage while Draco got his own book out to get a look at the ingredients. "Okay," Harry said after a minute, pushing the book away, "I got two hands and a eyes to read with - what do we need?"

Draco looked over, he had been slightly hunched over the book with his left leg bouncing as read the list, "I'll get the ingredients, Potter." He then got up and walked away leaving Harry with Ron and Blaise.

"Oh, you weren't joking..." Harry said looking at Blaise.

"No," he shook his head, "when it comes to potions, Draco is the one and only for his. You won't ever do much after the first time you mess up."

"I haven't even messed up yet!"

Blaise shrugged, "you'll figure it out."

Draco came back and placed the things on the table, "okay we put the ones we use last nearest you and the ones we use first closest to me," he explained while setting them on the table, "but these three we will have to mix prior and add slowly so make sure to note that, Potter," he continued while pulling his knife out.

"Okay," Harry took his quill and scribbled on the paper almost word for word what Draco said, "mix prior and add slowly'..." he dropped his quill and pulled out his knife, while looking at the book seeing they needed fine cuts of whatever root was laying in front of him.

"Actually..." Draco started reaching out to pick it up, "I can cut, I don't mind."

"Draco," Harry groaned, "I am capable of things, okay."

"I know you are, I just... well how about you get the potion started? It's just the syrup and stiring counter clockwise for three minutes."

"Oh that's boring," Harry grumbled and picked up the syrup, he poured it into the cauldron and got the stir stick doing as Draco said - counter clockwise. Three minutes. The blonde finished before much more than 45 seconds had passed and he was staring over Harry's shoulder, "Draco," Harry started, "I was wondering."

"No."

Harry sighed and looked over his shoulder at Draco with a grumble, "please."

"Later," Draco answered, "now pay attention to the potion or you're done." Harry smiled and looked back at the potion, _oh Draco, you controlling man._

* * *

Harry was perched on the edge of his seat, hands gripping the table tightly. He wanted out, he wanted a drink and he wanted it now. He felt like he was dying. His whole entire body was throbbing, he was focusing so hard on what Professor Theery, the new DA Professor, was saying that he wasn't paying attention. This was the worst idea he had had after the war. Coming back into this room. He could just imagine Snape standing there teaching, he could practically hear his voice which meant it was all he could hear and that voice was turning into thoughts.

 _Your father was a jerk. A bully. Take them... You have your mothers eyes. Always. You're just like your father. How amazing it is to be the boy-who-lived, to just **know.**_

 _You. Have. Your. Mothers. Eyes._

Harry's teeth ground down against his lip, ripping the scabbed over skin off painfully, his lip ring sliding through the hole. He slid his tongue over the blood. _T_ _ake them. You have your mothers eyes._

"Mr. Potter, perhaps you know this one?" The silence that followed echoed in the classroom as all eyes turned to Harry, who was staring straight ahead very obviously not paying attention, "Ah, see, it was such a boring topic I've managed to lose Mr. Potter," the Professor started talking nervously shuffling through his papers and glancing around.

"Harry!" Hermione whispered urgently, shaking him.

"Take them!" Harry gasped out, a few of the other students shared curious looks before glancing back at him. Harry looked to Hermione ignoring the whispers, "wh-what?"

"Professor Theery asked you a question."

 _Oh._ He looked over at the tall man, "yes, sir?"

"It was boring," he started apologizing to Harry, "it was stupid, really. I was only trying to get an understanding for how much my students knew - I know your last few years were traumatic. I mean I don't have to tell you this." He cleared his throat and looked around with a deep frown, "forgive me, Mr. Potter, I'll continue with my lesson."

"Forgive you?" Harry shifted in his seat, and leaned against the desk top, "Professor," he spoke up and Theery froze looking at him in question, "what was the question?"

"I was inquiring about horcruxes - I figured they would be a good topic to start on, seeing as they are what fueled you-know-who."

"I'm aware," Harry answered stiffly. He had been prepared to back Professor Theery but now he wanted to leave. Even more than he did before, his hand shook and he gathered it in a fist to hide it under the table. "What about them?"

"I was asking if you knew how many he had?"

"7."

"No, it was si-." Theery flushed a dark red stopping immediately, and looked around the silent room.

Harry was practically quivering in his seat. He couldn't remember the last time he wanted a drink as bad as he did now. _Give me Harry Potter and no one will die..._ Harry jerked his head, stretching his neck, "sure, six." The room grew stale and Harry pushed his chair back, wood scraping against the concrete floor, "Professor do you mind if I use the bathroom?"

"Go ahead," Theery answered in a quiet tone. Harry gathered his books off the desk, and shoved them in his bag before shouldering it and turning out of the room.

Draco was tense watching Harry leaving the room was the hardest thing he had to do in a long time. He could see the other shaking, his whole body was basically one big quiver and it took everything for him to keep his seat and not follow after him. He perched himself on the edge of his chair waiting for the rest of the tense and awkward lesson to finish, not even bothering to listen. He couldn't tell you what was talked about or more importantly what the lesson even was - he just wanted out. He wanted to find Harry and make sure he was okay.


	4. Chapter 3: Correlated

**A/n:** [Pierced!Harry/PastelHair!Draco/Dom!Draco]

 **Warnings:** Depression, drinking, fighting and blood. Please be advised. **Rated:** M

A/U. DracoxHarry. I don't own Harry Potter or the likes, but if I did Draco would say, "Merlin!" like I say, "Jesus!"

"Do you believe you're missing out, that everything good is happening somewhere else? With nobody in your bed the nights hard to get through.." - _Jesus Christ_ , Brand New

* * *

When Draco ran into Harry it was quite literally. He nearly plowed the man over as he rounded the corner into the commons, Harry was just coming out the door and Draco was running in. Harry caught him by the arms, the two chest to chest, "Draco, are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" The Slytherin demanded from him stepping back with a jerk, "I was checking on _you_ Potter!"

"Checking on me?" Harry blinked, "why?"

"You went running out of DA I just..." Draco sneered, and brushed his jacket down, "I just need to get my books for the second half of the day," Draco stepped around him and started on.

"I didn't drink," Harry called to his back, but Draco didn't stop or glance back he just headed up the stairs.

After lunch the two of them didn't have any more classes, and Draco didn't bother sitting next to them at lunch. Pansy and Blaise had joined Harry and Corp., while Draco sat by himself at the Slytherin table. No one talked about it, but Harry didn't eat and instead stared at him across the hall the whole meal and during his last few classes he didn't pay too much attention and spent most of the classes reading his Potion's book while ignoring Hermione as she scolded him.

He didn't care.

Draco didn't want to talk to him, he was a mess, his thoughts were growing and the only thing keeping his mind from completely slipping over to the dark side was his Potion's book and the throbbing that had started in his head after lunch when Pomfrey had changed his bandage and checked the stitches. He refused the medicine she offered because if his head hurting he wouldn't hear the voices. He just wanted to get out of class, he wanted to escape to the astronomy tower and get snockered. That was it. Finally when he was exiting his last class Draco was leaning against the wall opposite of the class door.

 _This was different,_ Harry thought as he looked at the other. He wasn't sure if he was supposed to go towards him or keep walking, he wasn't sure what to do at all, Draco's eyes were dark as they followed Harry. His hands were in the pockets of his dark jeans, and his multicolor hair was falling over the right side of his face just barely brushed out of his eye. Harry started walking away, stopped and turned back towards Draco. Draco lifted his brow, and cleared his throat while Harry stared at him, "are you here for me, Malfoy?"

"Well, Merlin, I hope so," Draco answered him before turning a sneer to a few other people as they passed staring at him.

"What uh, what's up?"

"I was under the impression you had the desire to talk?" Draco pulled his hand out of his pocket, and reached out towards Harry a finger trailing his cheek, "and that set in your jaw lets me know you're a bit upset..."

Harry blushed and tilted his head away, "it's fine, I'm fine."

"Alright then, let's go," Draco dropped his hand and started towards the left.

"Where are we going?"

"To talk," Draco answered, "unless you don't want to?"

"I... No, I do." Harry nodded, "I wasn't expecting this is all."

"Have other plans?" Draco smirked already leading the way, "c'mon Potter we haven't all day."

Harry hurried to catch up and followed Draco through the school, they walked in silence up the stairs of the Astronomy tower and when Draco pushed the door open the two stepped through letting it shut behind them, Harry stared in shock at the sight before him. There was a table, a small circular table and on top was two mugs, and a few plates presented with tea snacks. "I wasn't sure what you liked to have with your tea, so I got a few options," Draco was saying as he stood behind a chair, pulling it out for Harry, "I noticed you didn't eat at lunch."

Harry dropped his book bag and took the seat, "thank you Malfoy." Draco took his seat after Harry sat down and reached out quietly, to make their cups of tea. Harry sat nervously in the chair while pulling his leather jacket off, "oh, thanks!" He wrapped his hands around the mug of tea Draco offered him.

"Merlin Potter, calm down," Draco chuckled, "it's just me."

"That's the thing," Harry whispered, taking a sip of his cuppa.

Draco smiled, and sat back stirring milk in, "alright Potter, what was it we wanted to talk about?"

Harry shrugged, "I.. I wanted to talk about us, uh.. y'know you mentioned last night that I have you now. What's it mean?"

"How about this," Draco took a drink from his mug before leaning forward slightly a thin finger picking at a cucumber sandwich, "what is it you need, Potter?" Harry huffed in annoyance that Draco was ignoring his question, "keep your socks on Potter." He pulled the sandwich forward, "I wanted to recap was all, you see two nights ago I run into you and you said you needed me - a kiss, and we kissed and then yesterday you wouldn't talk to anyone but me.. Harry we've been enemies for years and we come back this year to this place and you're on the verge of a break down and you want me? I'm just trying to figure out what exactly it is _you_ want, Potter."

 _He called me Harry._ "Why do you care what I want, Malfoy?"

"You're the one that wants _me_." Draco rolled his eyes, "last time I checked I'm the other half a 'me and you'."

Harry was biting his lip flicking his lip ring with his tongue as he stared down at the tea mug, _me and you. Me and you. Me and you._ "This," he finally answered without meeting Draco's eyes, "all the time."

"Tea and cucumber sandwiches?"

"No," he chuckled, "I just mean us, like this. That's all I need."

"It's weird you say that to me because this afternoon I went looking for you and you brushed me aside." He lifted a shoulder, "I worried myself to no end in that classroom, and when I find you it's like you didn't care. Do you want me when you're sober?"

"I think more," Harry whispered still staring down.

"You didn't eat lunch," Draco decided on saying, "eat something."

Harry reached forward and grabbed a tea cake, "You're so bossy. And, why do you worry about that so much?"

"Do you look in a mirror?"

"What?"

"A **mirror** , Potter? Do you ever look at yourself?" Harry shrugged, he hadn't looked at himself extensively in a long time but he didn't want to say that so he took a bite, "either way, you've lost a terrible amount of weight, I noticed it a lot last night when you were getting in the shower. Your hip bones, your ribs show through, your cheeks are sunken. You look fragile."

"O-oh."

"I grew up in a house that didn't let me eat unless I did what was required," Draco spoke over his tea mug, "there were nights I went hungry, there were times I starved until I finally cracked and did what was asked and it was never a simple thing."

"Like what?" Harry interrupted him, wanting to know more.

"A conversation for another time," Draco gave a forced smile, "my point is, I know what it feels like Potter, so I'm not going to let you put yourself through that."

Harry could understand that sentiment, his life was full of that thought, "I was scared you were mad at me. That you didn't want to talk to me anymore since I was rather stand-offish this afternoon. It made me scared, it made me want to drown myself."

"I needed a moment to gather myself," Draco answered honestly, "I wanted to make sure you were okay, and I felt you didn't want me to know you were. You ran away and I didn't know what you were thinking. I don't know if you realize this, or not, Potter - I am far from close to people, and those I am close to I don't let myself get _too close_. I shouldn't be diving into you but I am, I shouldn't care so much but I do. There is just something about you Potter." Harry smiled, a real smile, before taking a sip of his tea and sitting back eating the cake. The Slytherin was quiet, and watching him with restless eyes. It was making Harry nervous and he was doing his best to avoid the glances from the other, "Potter, are you okay?"

"You're absolutely nerve-wrecking to sit next to Malfoy!" Harry breathed out finally giving a quiet sigh, "you stare at me so much it makes me nervous!"

Draco laughed, a wide smile spreading across lips, "alright." He stood up carrying his tea with him over to the railing, "I won't stare at you, Potter." He stared out over the grounds instead, his eyes taking in his surroundings watching a few students running through the open area, playing tag or perhaps chasing another with a fight, when he saw Blaise with Hermione. "Is that Blaise!" He gasped suddenly his hand shooting out in front of him, before looking around for Harry.

"Where?" Harry asked once he joined him and looked to see Blaise walking with Hermione towards Hagrid's Hut.

"He's going to that hut?" Draco asked, his voice thick with disgust.

"We're friends with Hagrid, Malfoy," Harry smiled, "it looks like Hermione is trying to convert him."

"That hut is terribly dirty," Draco sneered shaking his head, "have you've been upset at your friends?"

"What do you mean?"

"It feels like you'd rather avoid them then be with them?"

"No, not really it's just... they bounced back so quick," Harry shrugged, "they had each other all summer to lean on. And they were able to bounce back - I always felt like I was in the way lately, when we went out or they came over it's like them and then _ohhh_ there is Harry." He smiled leaning against the railing letting the wind hit his face, "and they still see me as Harry Potter - even after all these years. Sometimes they're no different then our classmates."

"Do they really?"

"Oh yeah," he watched from the corner of his eyes, Draco was staring at him again. "When things happen to me, they look at me like it shouldn't be bothering me. They expected me to be okay - Hermione asked a few weeks ago, 'you're not feeling okay? It still bothers you?' like, after all these years I shouldn't be bothered by things because of who I am. Pansy and Blaise are different - they don't care who I am it's nice but Ron and Hermione...?"

"They forget you're human," Draco chimed in, "I noticed it last night, the way they were completely just... mortified."

"Mortified." Harry gave a sad smile leaning further against the railing and leaning out towards the wind, Draco reached out towards him taking a step closer before sliding his hand along Harry's arm and across his shoulder. He wasn't doing it to reassure the other he was doing it keep a hand on him because if there was one thing that was driving his absolutely crazy it was watching the other carelessly lean out, "promise me I'll always be just Harry with you?"

"That's what you need?" Draco grinned, "that's what you got."

Harry turned around to face him, his lip ring falling from the hold his teeth had on it, "you uh.. I just need you."

"You're trash at being any type of appealing y'know?"

"Oh, I'm aware," Harry chuckled, "but you're quite good at it, you set up a tea date Malfoy!"

"A date, hm?" Draco looked back at the table, then at Harry, "I suppose it is. This was not the way I imagined a first date going - ever."

"Thought about our first date before?"

" _Our_ first date?" Draco scoffed, stepping back, "I wouldn't have ever thought about anything like that."

"I can tell this is hardly romantic and set up..."

The blonde laughed quietly, "it might have crossed my mind a few times, I had imagined it going much differently. Like I would take you to a quidditch game or a show and afterwards I would take you out for dinner and drinks, or we would go dancing or for a long walk and eat street food in Spain. Something simple."

"Spain? Simple?"

Draco shrugged, "I'm a romantic, Potter."

"Malfoy, can I have a kiss?"

Draco looked over, seeing Harry's hand stretched towards him. He grabbed the tanned hand and pulled him in, his other hand pushing through Harry's hair carefully and delicately, pulling him closer. He let out a soft breath against Harry's lip and then he pressed his lips against them with a slow kiss.

Harry wasn't near as soft as Draco, the moment Draco kissed him his free hand grabbed him by the hips roughly and pushed himself against the Slytherin. Draco blinked his eyes open not expecting that, seeing Harry's eyes closed and his face relaxed, he nipped his bottom lip and tugged on Harry's hair before pulling back. Harry whimpered and followed him not quite done with the kissing his hand holding tight to Draco. Who gave him another quick kiss and held him back by his neck this time.

"M-more," Harry whimpered out, his eyes still shut.

Draco stroked his cheek, "you are a mess Harry Potter."

"That's not more."

Draco smiled to himself and ran his thumb along Harry's bottom lip giving his lip ring a small tug, Harry gasped out quietly the hand on Draco's hip squeezing slightly, "we have a long time for more," Draco whispered to the other, "but not near as long for study group."

"Oh, fuck 'em," Harry answered, finally opening his eyes with a deep frown.

Draco didn't hide his smile this time, and untangled himself from Harry, "I don't know if you realize how absolutely stunning it is when you act like that."

"I've never been more myself then when I'm with you."

"Never change," Draco answered and bent grabbing Harry's bag, "we're running late, Pansy will complain."

* * *

"What're you doing?" Pansy's voice slid through the dark common room to Harry who was sitting by the fire place.

Harry peeked over, "I couldn't sleep," he admitted and flicked his tongue along his lip ring before taking a drink from the flask in his hand.

 _Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Whisky._

"Are you supposed to be drinking?"

"Are you my mother?" Harry answered in a rushed, heated voice before turning away, "sorry," he whispered, "I didn't mean it."

"It's okay," she slipped around the couch and slid in taking a seat next to him, "I get it." She shrugged before leaning back, "I haven't slept a full night in a long time."

"Really?" Harry reached out and handed her the flask, which she took with a small smile taking a sip, "why not?"

"Nightmares," she answered, passing it back to him, "they don't get it - I mean, Blaise and Dray do but the other people I thought were my friends just don't. I can't sleep so I do other things - lucky for the teachers this is my first year I've been this ahead in classes."

Harry chuckled, "I know what you mean, I can't brew a potion but I can recite practically anything about them."

"Dray still asleep?"

"I don't know, I mean presumably," Harry chuckled, "he would have a fit knowing I was drinking."

"I imagine," Pansy let out a small sigh, "it's strange seeing him like this."

"With me?"

"No, in general," she waved her hand, "you're not special, you're just the guy that caught his attention I guess. I've never seen him like this. The way he looks at you, talks about you... You should see his eyes shine."

Harry flushed and took a quick drink, "really?"

"What is with you two?" She looked over, "friends, more, barely anything?"

"I have no idea," Harry shrugged and he _didn't_ have an idea. Because even though it had only been a few days since their tea date, and now the start of the weekend, Harry couldn't figure it out. It was like working through a puzzle he didn't know how to do. Draco was still there, always present, but the two barely talked and that last kiss with the promise of more. _Long time_ _for more_ , it all fell flat it seemed. Draco didn't let Harry and him be alone, they were always with the group and on the few chances Harry was able to sneak away in hopes Draco would come for him the Slytherin always sent someone else. "I thought we left the tower with an understanding that we were a thing of some sorts but it doesn't seem like that."

"Yeah I noticed," she chuckled, "have you tried talking to him?"

"Talking to Draco?"

"Right..." Pansy sighed, "be bold, Harry!" She clapped suddenly, startling Harry to look at her, "I got an idea, but you're gonna have to be brave Gryffindor."

Harry laughed shaking his head, "depends - what's the plan?"

"Well, the way I see it.. you two haven't necessarily been friends your whole life. Perhaps it would do you good to show him you want to be friends _and more_ , right?"

"Are you talking about like a... grand gesture?"

"I am," she grinned widely, "I'm saying you get in there, sweep the guy off his feet and make him fall for you so hard he can't even think about not addressing any of it."

"Draco is so controlling I'm not sure that's the way to go." Harry sighed and took another sip, before passing it to Pansy.

She took a small drink, "he is pretty controlling are you okay with that Harry?"

"With what?"

"Y'know..." She raised her eyebrows and took another drink before passing him the flask, "do you know anything about your sexuality?"

"Well, uh," Harry flushed, jerking the flask from Pansy with a scowl, "what do you mean?"

"Someone has to top, Potter," she shook her head, "and that means the other has to bottom, and Draco Malfoy isn't a bottom."

Harry blinked and looked down at his legs, "you mean Draco will always.. You mean, well, y'know, like Draco and I would always do the same thing?"

Pansy rolled her eyes and pulled her legs up against her chest, "I highly doubt Draco is completely vanilla... I know some of the guys he's slept with, before, y'know?"

"Yeah?" Harry leaned forward sitting the flask down on the table, he wasn't even tipsy yet, "what do they say about him?"

"Well," Pansy eyed him carefully, "you sure you want to hear about other guys he was with?"

"It's in the past."

"They mostly just say they couldn't keep up."

Harry blinked, "are we talking stamina wise or with the uh... stuff he does?" He was flushed, he hadn't stopped blushing since Pansy said _sexuality. You're such a bloody child,_ he thought at himself before trying to push the negative thoughts away when she started talking again.

"I think the stuff he does. I just mean I highly doubt you two will always do the same thing, but Harry you will be the one that always takes it up the ass."

"Ohhh..." Harry looked her over, tilting his head, "what are you?"

"Sexually? I am so submissive you wouldn't recognize me." She laughed and lifted a shoulder, "and Harry Potter your friend Neville is _quite_ the guy." Harry laughed and shook his head, "you'd have to be a me, Potter, are you okay with that?"

"Giving into Draco Malfoy?" Harry smiled, "I've been doing that for years, I don't see that changing any time soon."

 _Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Draco Malfoy. Mine._

* * *

Draco woke and out of habit glanced over across to the bed next to him, jumping up upon finding it completely empty and looking not so slept in. He looked around the room with a quick sweep of his eyes it was mostly empty save a few Hufflepuffs huddled on a bed listening to the radio on quiet and talking, and a Ravenclaw laying on his bed with a 6th year girl. Draco grabbed his robe jerking it on and his clothing hurrying to the bathroom. He hadn't meant to sleep that much, but he was exhausted a whole week of following the emotionally unstable Harry Potter was tiresome to him. He was more than ready for more sleep but from the looks of the sun and the almost empty dorms he was sure it was headed into the afternoon.

After a quick shower he used his wand to dry his hair, brushing it back before pulling on his sweater top and jeans. He didn't bother putting his clothing in the proper area and threw them on his bed before grabbing a pair of wool socks out of his trunk and practically running out of the dorms as he put them on. He had to admit he was happy to see everyone in the commons. Harry was laying across the couch, taking up the whole space while flipping through what looked like a handwritten book. Hermione and Ron were sharing a seat, while he played chess with Neville who Pansy was leaning on as she read and Blaise was flirting shamelessly with a few girls that were sitting next to him - they looked younger, probably 6th years.

Draco pushed his hand through his hair as he walked over to them all, taking one cool and calm glance quickly, "sleep good, Draco?" Blaise asked when he approached almost brushing the girls by the wayside.

"Well," Draco answered, trying to ignore Harry's eyes the moment they were on him. Harry pushed up immediately, his unruly mess of hair was ever present and he took his legs off the arm of the chair kicking them over the side for Draco to sit. The girls had turned around to face the blonde one letting out a quite giggle and sharing a look with her friend, Draco took his seat and shot an arched brow towards Blaise who was already smiling back at them.

"This is my best friend, Draco Malfoy," Blaise introduced him to them.

Harry looked between Draco and Blaise, Blaise was smiling and Draco was staring with a sneer that passed to the girls the moment they turned two wide smiles at him. Draco was not in the mood for Blaise's games. _Why was his bed not slept in? Why is he wearing the same clothing as yesterday? And why the hell is that damn flask sitting out on the table?_ He focused back in when he heard his name, "Draco, Draco," Blaise gathered his attention, "this is Minnie and Grace, they're 6th years in Hufflepuff."

Draco's scowl followed his eye roll and not another word, that was until one of them spoke up. "H-hi Draco. I like your hair."

"Me too," he answered, crossing one leg over the other. He was growing uneasy as he felt Harry watching him closely.

"We were going to go to Hogsmeade, want to join us?"

Draco didn't even bother listening to her question before glancing down at his wristwatch to see it was almost noon, "Dray?"

"Hm?"

"We're going to Hogsmeade for lunch, you gonna go with us?"

"Who is going?"

"Minnie, Grace and I," Blaise answered like it was obvious and the one with dirty blonde hair leaned forward and slid her hand along his shoulder.

"It'd be better than sitting in here."

Draco looked her over, his sneer back in place in record time the moment she touched him, "do you have your permission slips signed?"

Blaise's smile fell instantly, and Pansy looked up from her relaxed pose over to Draco. Harry sat back quietly, not sure what to say as he watched, "I.. we're old enough."

"Is that before or after the holiday?" He continued staring back unfazed as he talked.

"Draco?" Pansy asked leaning forward.

"C'mon Draco, lose the attitude," Blaise rolled his eyes.

"I can only assume she'd act so rude because she's so young. Doesn't know any better."

"Rude?" She gasped out, her voice raising slightly.

"Mmm," Draco tilted his head, fixing her with a glare, "come into _my_ common room, insult _my_ friends and touch _me._ " He brushed his shoulder off, "and then acting completely shocked by the response? You're the one that came onto me, as if you don't **know** who I am."

"A simple no would have worked," Blaise sighed and stood throwing a smile around before he took the two girls out the door, they weren't gone too long before the group was interrupted again.

"Malfoy!" Nott yelled from the entrance, Goyle close behind, the two came marching towards Draco who had just glanced over when one of them pressed their hand to his shoulder.

"Goyle," Pansy warned with an annoyed look on her face, leaning back against Neville, "you two are honestly children, leave him alone."

"Get your hands off of me," Draco smacked the darker toned hand.

"What are you going to do about it?" Goyle gave him a small push and Draco tensed, looking him over.

Harry and Ron shared a look, this caught Pansy's attention and she saw Goyle pushing Draco with a raised brow. "Boys, c'mon, honestly..." She started and sat back up putting her book down this time, "what is going on?"

"Where is my girl?" Nott spoke up glancing at Pansy before back to Draco, "someone said she was with _you_."

"Me?" Draco blinked, "I didn't do anything!" _I'm pretty sure you know my type..._

"You did what you always do, didn't you?" Draco arched a brow and turned away, trying to ignore the hand on his shoulder but they weren't stopping, "Tell me!" He snapped and the few around them fell quiet, the rest of the small group looking up in shock.

Draco was growing heated. No one told him what to do, ever, and no one embarrassed him and expected to get away with it. He was getting pissed, "Theodore, stop."

Nott started backing up, he saw the switch in Draco's eyes and gave Goyle a nudge, "let's go."

"What are you going to do about it?" Goyle asked with a smirk, clearly having a different idea, "pussy."

Pansy gasped and got to her feet quickly, but that wasn't fast enough for them. Draco was on his feet and shoving the other away already, "shut up."

"Always the same shit, Malfoy!" Goyle roared taking a step forward and shoving him back, "always have something to say to everyone else but no one can say anything to you. You're such a bloody pussy."

"Shut up!" Draco growled his face and body shading in anger, "I don't know where your 'girl' is, check your hand?" It wasn't his best material, no, but he had just woke up after all.

"If it's not one thing, it's another," Nott ignored his words , speaking from behind Goyle, his hands in fist. Pansy was easing between the two putting her hands to their chest and giving them both a push away from one another, "you're such a twat, Malfoy!" Draco blinked not even able to fully register those words when he heard Pansy yelp in pain before letting out a loud, 'ow!' which was followed by a fist slamming into his face. He stumbled backwards into the couch, practically falling over it and maybe he would have if Harry hadn't caught him. But Harry had, he was on his feet with his hands grabbing Draco up pulling him back against his chest and turning him around.

Harry felt the second punch in his shoulder, and turned around with narrowed eyes, helping Pansy up off the ground before turning his attention to Goyle and Nott, "get out of here, Malfoy didn't do shit with your girlfriends."

Goyle jerked a finger towards Harry, "two Hufflepuff girls?"

"Wrong guy," Harry growled, and watched as Goyle balled up his fist again. His whole attitude changed within an instant, "if you swing that fist at me, Goyle, I'll break it."

Harry's voice was quiet no one could hear it but Pansy, Goyle and Nott. She was giving his chest a small push, "c'mon Harry leave 'em alone."

But Goyle had other plans, and his arm came up quick. Harry gave her push away just as the fist came into his eyesight and Harry caught it. With a jerk and twist he heard the wrist breaking, Goyle following up with a cry of pain. Harry pushed him back, having barely enough time to see Nott flying towards him and not even close to enough time to block his punch.

He hit him in the glasses, they snapped and broke the frames falling from his face in two before Nott was on top of him. His fist and hands beating into Harry's face. Harry laid there a moment taking in the punches two him him in the face and he felt the self inflicted scar breaking open again, a few hits in his chest from when he knocked him over and as Nott's fist came flying at him again Harry gave a buck of his hips and in a matter of seconds he had Nott on his back and a fist to his face. Again, again, again, _again, again, and again._

His mind was somewhere else, Harry wasn't even mad at Nott for punching him. He asked for it, after all. He was mad Draco got punched but he took care of Goyle with the broken wrist. This was something else, and he knew that but he couldn't stop. It was like Nott was representing everything he couldn't fix, it was like Nott was representing his past, his fist hitting him hard and fast.

 _Freak. Freak. Freak. Kill the spare... Don't you want to know why you're connected? The answers are right there. Give me Harry Potter. Kill the spare._

Each blow making a cracking sound as he pounded into his face. He couldn't hear nor see the commotion around him until he felt two arms around his arms and more than that they pulled him off and twirled him away.

Harry went limp, blinking a few times to focus in. He could hear it all now, screaming and lots of it. Yelling. Words were being yelled but they weren't clear. Nott was yelling a lot of slurs which Harry had apparently been answering not only with his fist but with his voice, and Nott had put up more of a fight than he had thought - he could tell from the blood dripping down face and the ache his whole body was feeling.

"I'll fucking kill you!" Nott yelled, he was struggling against someone to get at Harry and the Gryffindor blinked at the words coming to a flashback easing into his mind: _you're dead Potter!_

Harry could only make out blurriness without his glasses, he could barely see the flailing arms, "haven't heard that before." Harry answered his yell with one of his own, he wasn't fighting against the arms of whoever was holding him back. He could see people trying to get Nott back, and he felt his glasses being shoved on his face reaching up to push them in place he saw Neville was the one holding him back and he did his best to stay as still as he could - he didn't want to hurt Neville, after all.

"You're dead Potter!" _You're dead Potter!_ Harry had heard it before but he couldn't place who had said it, Goyle screamed it at him as he and Nott were pushed back by some bystanders, the two getting brushed away while Neville sat Harry on the couch.

"The fuck Harry?" Ron asked leaning over him as soon as he was put down.

 _You're dead, Potter! You're dead, Potter! You're dead, Potter._

Harry was ignoring him and the thoughts that were growing, he pushed up from his seat and looked at Draco who was standing across the coffee table with his back to the fireplace just watching, "you okay Draco?" Harry didn't realize just _how_ much he was craving the other, how much he needed the other and right now as the thoughts closed in around him he needed just that. Draco.

At this point it didn't matter what Draco said to him, or did. He needed the relief the Slytherin Prince would offer.

"Me?" Draco gasped out, "he only hit me once.. Merlin, Potter," Draco was shaking his head and stepping around to look at him better, "you're all tore up." Harry laughed quietly rolling his eyes, Draco nodded to the seat before he sat himself on the coffee table and pulled his wand out.

"What are you doing Malfoy?" Hermione asked chiming in, glaring at both of the boys.

"Healing him, obviously."

"He should go to Pomfrey's. His head..." Draco rolled his eyes, and waved a hand to shoo her away before reaching out and taking Harry by the chin the raven haired man sagged instantly at the touch. "Harry!" She gasped and reached out smacking Draco's hand away, "let us take you to Pomfrey."

 _You're dead, Potter!_

Harry looked from Draco to her and back again. The Prince of Slytherin was giving her the iciest look Harry had ever seen, and he shook his head, "this is fine, I trust him." Hermione stared bewildered and opened her mouth to protest when Ron gave her shoulder a pat and pulled her back with a head shake.

Draco took him by his chin again and Harry closed his eyes leaning forward, Draco chuckled quietly, "I'm not kissing you _Potter_ , I'm healing you."

 _You're dead Potter! Funny, you'd think I'd have stopped walking around..._ It was like a rush of regret filled him and Harry jerked back from Draco's touch his eyes flashing open to look at the blonde. He remembered that day, it was the day Draco had confronted him about putting his father in Azkaban. Harry swallowed roughly, forcing a smile into place, "I think a kiss would be rather helpful, honestly," his smile turned to a smirk, "I saved your life, after all."

"Saved my life?" Draco laughed with a head shake and pressed his wand to Harry's face whispering a healing charm that not only took away the bruise and pain but closed up almost all the cuts. Save the one from the other night, which the blood was showing through on his bandage.

"I'd have hated to see your pretty face all messed up." Harry was still talking trying to forget the memory that was plaguing him now and when he looked at Draco again the two of them were in their own world as they talked. They ignored the others, Hermione and Ron hovering over them, Neville with his arm around Pansy's shoulders. Draco laughed quietly, smiling at Harry while putting his wand away, "was I a good patient?"

"Perfect, have lots of practice?"

"Being a patient or being perfect?"

Draco's smirk turned into a smile, a real one. One that he didn't show often, and Harry leaned forward again. Draco gave a quiet sigh, and pressed his lips to Harry's for a short and quick kiss which Harry didn't like, Harry wanted more. He always wanted more didn't he? Draco pulled back, and pressed his thumb to Harry's lip to keep him back, "I think we have something to talk about, and you need to get that bandage changed."

"I agree with that," Harry spoke around the thumb, "for instance I was wondering if we could go get a drink."

"I was thinking we talk about something other than that, and not drinking."

"I might have earned a drink," he tilted his head slightly, giving Draco's thumb a small nibble as it fell from his face. "But okay, no drinking. Just conversation."

"Conversation and lunch," Draco stood up and without looking at anyone else he headed towards the exit.

Harry and Pansy shared a look, "slow," she answered his look with a wink, "just talk, start tomorrow okay?"

"You okay?" Harry asked, giving a nod.

"Fine, he doesn't like to be kept waiting..." She turned towards Neville and Harry hurried to catch up with Draco.

"What was that about?" Hermione whispered once she heard the door shut behind the two boys, turning to look at Pansy.

Pansy shrugged, "I have no idea Granger but I think Harry Potter is far more messed up then we thought." Her voice was quiet, the shock of it laced through, "I mean I had thought he was bad... obviously, we all did but that. That was different. That was like something inside of him snapped."

"Like the other night, the night he hexed McGonagall..." Ron trailed off, frowning deeply.

Neville kissed Pansy's head, "I think he just needs friends, and not hovering idiots trying to change him."

Hermione glared at Neville, "he needs someone to take care of him."

"I'm pretty sure Draco is," Ron answered his girlfriend, squeezing her shoulders, "maybe we should let this happen."

"Did you just call him _Draco_?"

"That's his name 'Mione," Ron gave her an eye roll, "honestly, isn't it time to let some of that shit go? We're adults, for Merlin sake. Harry is into the guy and whatever it is he's doing it is making a difference."

Pansy cleared her throat, "I think we should just back off of them, let them be and go from there. How would you feel if someone was in your face 24/7? I know you guys don't know Drake like I do, but he's honestly the best in the world. He is so sweet and caring and he'd risk his life for Harry's - okay? I've never seen him this way with anyone before, I've never seen Draco this way period. He's a new person just give him a chance."

"Fine," the brunette scowled, "but if he hurts him, Parkinson, I'm going to hex him so much he'll wish he was someone else."

"I'll even help," Pansy grinned, and reached out a hand towards Hermione. The Gryffindor eyed the manicured hand distrustfully for a second before sighing and taking it with a firm handshake, "friends?"

"Friends."

Draco and Harry were sitting across from each other in the semi-busy Great Hall, at the end of the Slytherin table where Draco's glare and sneer kept anyone from approaching as they finished their meal. For the most part the conversation had been light or barely there, Harry talked about his Potion's book he just finished and how he thought he could basically recite anything involving the potions on the list for the NEWT's and Draco talked about how much he didn't want to play Quidditch this year - try outs were soon. And finally after the Great Hall grew mostly quiet with barely anyone left, only a late coming Professor at the Head Table, and the food was starting to disappear did Draco and Harry talk.

"Why didn't you sleep last night?"

"What do you mean? I did."

"Oh," Draco shrugged, "it didn't look like your bed was slept in - was all."

Harry chuckled, "I only slept a few hours, had a nightmare so I went down to the commons and read."

"You could have woke me up?"

"What would you have done?" Harry shrugged, "complained I woke you up, grumbled at me, and fell back asleep."

Draco smirked, "point taken." He tilted his head running his fingers through his pastel hair and watched Harry bite at his lip ring, "why'd you drink?"

"I..." Harry dropped his lip ring and looked away, "I'm not perfect, Malfoy, I still crave it. It just silences everything when I'm drunk."

"Or fighting."

Harry glanced over, "you... You don't get to judge me."

"I'm not, Potter, I'm making observations," Draco sat with a straight back, "you were lost when you were hitting him. It was like watching a move... whatever those Muggle's call it?"

"Movie," Harry answered with a chuckle.

"Yeah a movie," Draco nodded slowly, "we can find you a better outlet."

"He hit you for something you didn't do, Draco," Harry shook his head, "I wasn't going to let that slide."

"So you broke his wrist and beat the shit out of Nott?"

"I.." Harry leaned back and looked away.

"The world isn't all right and wrong, Potter, it's not all black and white and the answer to everything isn't drinks and pain." Draco was speaking quietly, and reached out across the table taking Harry's hand in his own, his eyes trained down to their clutching fingers his skin was a huge contrast to Harry's tanned skin. He was pale, he was always pale. Alabaster skin so clear his veins showed dark blue, purple and maroon against his skin it made Harry seem darker than he was. "I'm here to help, remember? You have me."

Harry watched Draco closely, feeling his thumb slide along his skin, he wanted Draco to jerk him forward and kiss him. He wanted Draco to push him down against the table and make him moan, he wanted to feel those soft cool hands everywhere. That's what he wanted, that's what he needed and instead he got his hand held and words. "I know, I do Malfoy," he gave him a soft smile and squeezed the fingers tightly, "you're a good person, thank you."

Draco blinked, looking up at him. He could see Harry pulling away it was echoed in his eyes they were unfocused, the smile was fake and the grasp returned to his hand wasn't there. It was forced, it wasn't real. Harry didn't want him? He was a _good person_? "What?"

"Mmm?" Harry asked pulling his hand back from the hold, and scanning him over.

"A good person?"

"What, you are?" Harry stared back, his confusion obvious, "you don't think you are?"

"I know what kind of person I am, Potter," Draco rolled his eyes and sat back, standing up.

"Wh-what? What are you doing? Where are you going?" Harry demanded standing as well, stepping around the dinning table.

"To be a good person somewhere else."

Harry reached out grabbing Draco by the wrist and turning him around, "be a good person here, Malfoy, don't leave."

"Don't do that shit, you don't have to make me feel better." Draco jerked his arm out of the hold, "you don't want me, Potter, that's fine. I get it. I'm a _Malfoy_ , I'm tainted blood, I'm a bad guy, I'm a _death eater._ "

"What are you talking about?"

"Just stop," Draco growled out, "leave me alone."

"I..." Harry blinked, "Malfoy..?"

"What were you doing?" Draco sneered, "what was the point? Did you think I needed you? Are you kidding me.. someone as fucked up as you?"

"Draco what are you talking about?" Harry asked, he wasn't even hurt. He didn't know Draco too well but he knew him well enough to know the things he was saying - just like the other night when he yelled at him, were empty. He was just looking for some type of response to save himself. "What did I do to upset you?"

"You're a liar, Potter, that's what. You just what.. picked me because I stumbled across you in the tower pissed? Thought you would just shut me up? Who put you up to it?" He was so close Harry could feel his breath against his cheek his anger was growing, his skin was pink with it.

"No one put me up to shit," Harry sighed and stepped back, "you want me to be honest?" He asked the other, "I've been fighting the urge to not crawl into your bed for the past week, I've been fighting the urge to just grab your hand and spin you around and kiss you in the hallway, even now!" Harry groaned, "it's all I can think about. I want to feel you, it's like I need it. I can't focus on anything else. I don't know what I did to upset you.. called you a good person? Sorry you're nice?"

Draco scowled while stepping away, tilting his chin up slightly as he looked at Harry, "oh." He finally whispered, "I'm not nice."

"You're absolutely right, such a bad guy. So terrible." Harry shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, and shook his head with a small laugh.

"You can't think of anything else?"

"Barely ever."

Draco looked away a moment before a proud smile slid in place, "I am quite attractive, I'd believe it."

Harry rolled his eyes, "there he is."

"You can hold me hand and things like that," Draco spoke in a soft tone as they walked side by side, "I will allow it."

"Give me an idea of what 'things like that' mean," Harry suggested with a laugh but quickly slipped his fingers between Draco's, "because my 'things like that' might be different than yours."

"What are your 'things like that'?"

"Well," Harry shrugged, "I might like you to y'know... anything really."

Draco scoffed, "PDA is rather tacky."

"Mm," Harry grinned, "fuck 'em, I don't care what they think."

"I know," Draco pulled Harry to a stop and against him so they were chest to chest, his free hand pushed through the dark curly messy hair and down his face where his thumb teased against the lip ring, "you risk being seen with someone like me."

"No one is quite like you, Draco Malfoy," Harry answered with his eyes closed, his lips parted slightly.

"Keep that up and you'll earn yourself a kiss."

"I like earning things," Harry smiled, his eyes still shut, a small whimper escaping when Draco tugged on the metal ring that Draco quickly swallowed up with a kiss, the kiss was slow and soft. Draco's lips moving against Harry's, before sliding his tongue against the metal ring and past it to taste him. It was their first kiss that Harry didn't taste like alcohol and Draco was enjoying the way it felt.

Harry was gripping Draco's hand tightly, his mouth working fast against him and when Draco's teeth grazed his bottom lip he moaned into his mouth his knees growing weak with a shake as he grasped onto the other for support. Draco felt him lose his balance and pulled back slightly to wrap his free hand around his waist and hold him up, "Potter are you-?"

"Yes," Harry answered before the question even left Draco's lips, "yes."

Draco wasn't sure if he knew his actual question or just assumed Draco was asking if he was okay, so he took a small step back making sure Harry could stand up before dropping his arms, "I thought the young Weasley girl?"

"Ginny and I?" Harry lifted a brow, "a few kisses, nothing more."

"What about that girl during what was it.. 5th year?"

Harry lifted a brow, smirking, "been watching me a while, Malfoy?"

"Keep your enemies close and all that bullshit."

Harry laughed quietly, "one kiss under a bit of mistletoe, terrible kiss even. She was crying."

"Merlin," Draco grimaced, "your first kiss and they were crying?" Harry shrugged with a nod, "no wonder you almost passed out when I kissed you, you didn't have much to compare to."

"I _did_ pass out," Harry laughed, " _almost_ did just a second ago."

Draco cleared his throat wishing he didn't find it so attractive that Harry was a virgin and more than that basically a fresh one, a handful of kisses from two girls that he clearly didn't have an interest in was Draco's only competition? Harry Potter was completely his and he never thought that would be as absolutely sexy as it was. It was almost mind numbing. "Potter, do you want me to be your first with this stuff?"

"Are you asking because you want to be?"

"Generally why someone would ask.." Draco arched a brow, glancing over.

Harry was flushed, and avoiding Draco's face as they started walking again, "y-yes."

Draco tucked their hands behind his back so they were closer, "Potter, would you like to be a couple?"

Harry's mouth grew dry as he looked over coming to a stop, "don't tease me, Malfoy."

"I'm not," Draco smiled softly, "just wanting to know if you'd like to be mine?"

 _Be mine._ Harry blushed, his hands shook, he never knew he wanted to hear that phrase so much in his life and now that he was it was his only thought. _Be mine. Be mine. Be mine. Be mine._ He felt like a child, a young kid with his first crush, he felt absolutely childish and stupid but he wanted it more than anything. "More than anything," he finally answered, his hands went numb his face was red and his eyes were wide.

"I don't date, often," Draco was saying, "I don't actually think I've ever been official with anyone," he was talking like it was normal. Like this wasn't a life changing conversation, like this wasn't completely amazing, like it was just obvious it was going to happen. To Draco it was, he had been interested, they had spent time together - clearly they were drawn to each other, why not? "Just a few dates, things like that.. mostly kept it all secret, but this is fine. I like this." Harry was listening and watching him walking away but he couldn't move, finally Draco turned towards him after asking a question and Harry hadn't answered, "Potter?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you over there?" Draco turned back towards him, heading back, "what are you doing?"

"I can't move."

"What?" Draco looked down at his legs, "what are you talking about?"

"I think I'm having a heart attack," Harry answered calmly, "my chest is vibrating with how fast my heart is beating."

Draco blinked, and put his hand to his chest feeling the beat, "Merlin Potter, calm down. It's just me."

"I know that's the thing."

"Seriously calm down," Draco answered, "breathe. Hell Potter, this will be fun..." Draco shot a smile with a wink at him, and Harry fell over.


	5. Chapter 4: Connected

**A/n:** [Pierced!Harry/PastelHair!Draco/Dom!Draco]

 **Warnings:** Drinking. Depression. **Rated:** MA.

A/U. DracoxHarry. I don't own Harry Potter or the works, or the characters for that matter. if I did though... Draco would eat Harry alive. In that sexy way. Uh...?

"And I will die all alone, And when I arrive I won't know anyone." - _Brand New,_ Jesus Christ

* * *

Draco didn't seem to be tiring of testing Harry's nerves, the Slytherin enjoyed it quite a bit. Almost more than he enjoyed Harry in general - which was just what he told himself. It had been a whole day since Harry fell over, and not much had changed. Aside from hand holding and one other kiss a little later that resulted in Harry's shaky legs toppling the two over which Draco didn't find funny right away or at least not near as much as he did when he remembered it later that night.

They had slept and woke in separate beds Draco waking much the same way he had the day before, seeing Harry's bed was thoroughly unslept in and joining the others huddled around one of the fireplaces nearing noon.

"Fiiiiinally," Blaise groaned his legs kicked over the side of the chair he was in yesterday, "must you always sleep so late?"

Draco rolled his eyes and stood with his hands on his hips, "excuse me?"

"He needs beauty rest," Pansy chimed in with a smirk, "not everyone is nearly as attractive as I am on their own."

"Are you implying I'm not as attractive as you Pansy?" Draco sneered down at her.

"No," she shook her head, "I just mean on your own, you don't rival me with less than 8 hours of sleep."

Draco scowled and ran his hand along his stubble free jaw before trailing it across his pink lips, "I have a natural glow, Parkinson, that puts the sun to shame."

"You're both so attractive none of us can hardly fathom it," Blaise jumped up kicking at Pansy before sliding his arm around Draco's shoulders, "we're going to Hogsmeade, c'mon!"

"See he can't keep his hands off of me," Draco spoke triumphantly standing with a straight back and pushed his hand through his hair allowing Blaise to direct him out.

Blaise grimaced, "don't tempt me with a good time Draco."

Draco winked, smirking at the other, "careful, Potter packs quite a punch."

Blaise laughed quietly, looking over his shoulder to see the man in question following behind talking with Neville and Pansy, "Potter!" He snapped after walking through the door.

Harry peeked over with a raised brow, cutting his conversation off, "yeah?"

"Draco threatened me," he started dropping his arm and turned around to walk backwards as he talked to Harry, "said you pack quite a mean punch."

Harry's eyes trailed over to Draco who didn't look back, why would he? He's Draco Malfoy after all. "Oh? I've been told so anyway."

"You saw Nott," Neville suggested, though the tease fell kinda short as they all remembered the episode yesterday.

"Tell him _why_ I said that?" Draco's voice drifted back as they started down the stairs.

Blaise chuckled, "I might have made a notion at not keeping my hands off of him."

Harry's raised an eyebrow, "careful there, Blaise, I like you."

The Slytherin grinned, "it's not like you're dating, after all, he's free game." Then he pointed back at Harry, "hell you're free game, and cuter..." He slid back as he talked, "whatcha say, I'm fun?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he fell into step next to Harry.

"What about those girls yesterday?" Ron asked with a laugh, he was finding it highly amusing watching Blaise the two were very similar in a sense and had become fast friends.

"He doesn't discriminate," Pansy answered, "race, gender or hair style. It's all fair game to Blaise Zambini."

Draco did turn around at that, coming to a stop and halting the rest of the group as he did, his gray eyes flashed in the sunlight. Blaise laughed, "okay, okay, I'm sorry." He eased his hands in his pockets, "I didn't mean it." Harry flushed and looked down, Draco's eyes making him nervous. _Why am I complete mush the moment he looks at me?_

"Come here," Draco said after the others looked between him and Harry and Harry did just that, he stepped forward between the other three, "we _are_ dating, Blaise, so... fuck off." He sneered before taking Harry by the hand and leading off again. Draco glanced over at the red faced Harry Potter with a smile, "mine." He snapped his teeth playfully and tugged Harry closer kissing him on the forehead.

* * *

Draco was tucked between Harry and the wall, Harry had slid in right after him almost an hour ago and kicked his leg out to show the other part of the booth was off limits as he leaned against the Slytherin not even close to interested in anything anyone else had to say on the matter. On any matter if he was honest. It was him and Draco Malfoy and that was it.

He didn't care what was being discussed, he didn't care that whatever two girls from Slytherin had joined them and were trying to ease in on a chair and being practically effectively butted out were there glaring at him, he didn't care that his choice of drink was growing warm because he was in an awkward way to drink it. Harry didn't care, he was comfortable and enjoying the fact Draco's chest was pressed to his shoulder and his hand was warm and in his hair twirling a curly lock around his finger, enjoying the way Draco's voice sounded as he talked.

Harry wasn't even listening to the conversation, he was just hearing his voice and that was more than enough for him.

"Is he even awake?" Hermione asked, spotting their food coming to the table, "I'm not waking him to eat."

Pansy arched a brow, "why not, does he hex people when he wakes?"

Ron laughed, shaking his head, "Harry hates to be woken up."

"Probably because he never sleeps," Draco spoke up and looked down at Harry before tugging on his ear, "wake up Potter."

Harry smacked at his hand, "shut up Malfoy, I am awake."

"Then.." Draco gave his hips a bit of a lift, and tugged on his ear again. Harry peeked up with a scowl, and Draco smiled, "dare ya." That was more than enough to embarrass him and Harry sat up quickly with a red face and staring down at the table, "that wasn't so bad," Draco shrugged, while crossing his legs under the table seeing their lunches being sat around he sat back and scooted his own plate closer.

Pansy slid off of Neville's lap and onto the seat next to Harry, brushing up against him with a grin, "calm down there Harry." She smirked, reaching out to tug his lip ring like she always did before taking her salad and resting her head on his shoulder. Harry chuckled and glanced down at the plate before him, pushing it around in a slow circle. "So, how did it all get started?" She asked quietly once she sat up straight.

"I don't know," he looked over, "we were talking, and walking - headed out to the lake, and he just asked."

" _He_ asked?" Pansy whispered with wide eyes.

"Yeah," Harry blushed and looked down, "he was like, 'want to be mine?'"

"I don't think I've ever seen him in a relationship," Pansy mused quietly, "I mean with people sure... he's Draco Malfoy after all, but never in an exclusive relationship."

Harry quirked up an eyebrow, "well, good thing - wasn't getting me any other way." He said defiantly, but he didn't even believe that. _He could have me anyway he wants..._

"Sure," Pansy rolled her eyes, "everyone wants Draco Malfoy, Harry... Careful with that."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean just what I said, everyone wants him.. Always have, always will." Pansy shrugged, "and before you start with the whole, _not straight guys_ thing - because I've heard it before, you were 'straight' the first time you noticed him, huh?"

"I.. I mean..."

Pansy smiled and kissed his temple, "everyone wants Draco Malfoy." She nodded at the girls that were dejectedly walking away from the tight-knit group of seven at their table, "take them for example, or," she paused and glanced over at a table of three boys in Hufflepuff robes not looking much older than 16, "them." Harry followed her look and studied the three boys, none of them shied away from his eyes and he realized they weren't staring at him. They were staring at Draco.

For once Harry wasn't the center of attention, Harry was hardly noticed.

He was no one compared to Draco Malfoy. He was just a guy, some guy sitting next to the object everyone was watching, everyone was listening to right now as the Slytherin told some story to Ron and Hermione. Even they were looking at him, Hermione was laughing and Ron was shaking his head with a smile. And Harry Potter was just there, he was just Harry and nothing else. He was everything he had wanted to be since he was 11 years old and thrown into this crazy world. He smiled widely, and when the waitress came back handing out the refreshed drinks Harry pushed the beer away, "uh, I'll just take a water actually."

* * *

"You okay Potter?"

Harry looked up and across the room at the question he had been leaning against the fireplace reading something Hermione had given him, notes of some sort but now he was just staring down in the fire and had been for the past 5 minutes, "a little tired."

"You haven't slept much in the past few nights, you should go to bed early."

Harry lifted a shoulder, "we have game night with everyone."

"Since when did you start caring about _everyone_?"

"You seemed pretty excited about this," Harry laughed while glancing back at his notes.

Draco hummed, "I said you go to bed, not me."

"I'll live."

Draco lifted an eyebrow, "Potter." He gathered the others attention and wiggled a finger, calling him over. Harry tried to move smoothly but he knew he wasn't.. for one he practically lept off the wall and across the small distance towards Draco, for two he tripped over his own feet. Draco had been half laying on the couch, his back pressed against the arm of the sofa and his legs in front of them tucked under a blanket as he read. Shifting slightly so he was on he was facing Harry head on he patted the cushion in front of him and Harry sat down. Curling up on his side next to Draco, who wrapped his arm around Harry's stomach and pulled him close to his front.

"I'll miss when you stop being so nervous," Draco admitted, his breath tickling the back of Harry's neck.

"I think that will be impossible."

Draco hummed his hand sprawling against the others stomach, "we'll see won't we?" He nuzzled his neck, "you should get some sleep."

"I have learned I don't sleep very well without you," he admitted his eyes shutting and his cheek pressed to the cushion. Draco pressed his lips to Harry's neck, nibbling on the skin lightly while holding him close.

"You should have told me," Draco whispered, "remember the whole thing..?"

"I know," Harry murmured, relaxing his back against Draco's chest, "whatever I need."

"I meant it."

"I believe you."

Draco chuckled and pinched his stomach, "then tell me things!"

Harry nodded, his wild and messy hair brushing against Draco's chin, "okay.."

"So sleeping with me? Helps you?" Draco questioned, "what about it?"

"You're cool," Harry whispered with his eyes shut, "you're safe."

Draco sighed, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't ever been told he was safe before, he didn't know how to respond to that so he stayed quiet. His hand rubbing against Harry's stomach and his lips moving softly against his neck until Harry fell asleep, Draco shortly after.

When they woke up later in the morning it was to Harry thrashing against Draco and a scream from his lips reaching out. Draco jumped startled and felt an elbow being thrown into his side, his eyes flashed open, "fuck!" He gasped out grabbing Harry's arm and holding it down to his chest, "Harry! Calm down!"

But Harry wasn't calming down, Harry was still freaking out. His whole body was thrashing around and he was letting out a yelled, 'no!'

"Wake up," Draco whispered over the scream, trying to calm him down with a stroke to his face, "Potter, calm down, it's okay. It's me." He spoke in a soothing tone, as best he could, and continued to stroke his face until finally Harry stopped thrashing around, until finally Harry quit screaming and he turned two wide eyes to Draco the fear still etched on his face. "It's me," Draco answered the look, "it's me.. I'm right here."

Harry blinked back the shock and focused on him, a frown growing as his sleep covered face woke more and he stretched out pulling his arms from Draco's hold, "sorry," he whispered and looked away, kicking his legs over the edge of the couch and sitting up.

Draco's hand was trailing up Harry's back, rubbing the tight muscles, "want to talk about it?"

"No, I want a drink," Harry stood up and pushed his hand away. Draco watched him quietly, raising up off the couch to look at him better, "and don't try to stop me!"

He lifted a brow in question, reaching into his pocket for his wand, sending a silent accio for Harry's flask which came zooming towards him after a second and he handed it to Harry, "by all means, waste away." He stood once Harry took the flask and turned to leave.

"Where you going?" Harry questioned with a frown, looking down at the flask in his hand.

"To bed."

Harry scoffed, "figures."

"Figures?" Draco turned around with a glare, "you don't know anything about me, Potter, lets not pretend you do now."

"You're just like the rest, aren't you? You almost had me tricked." Harry was drinking now, he tore the flask open and took a long hard drink, "once a snake always a snake."

Draco shook his head, "what part of this isn't meeting your standards, Potter?"

"You all say shit like, _I'll help you, you have me,_ but then you turn your back. You turn away."

"I'm not here to watch you, Potter, I'm here to help you. You're such a bloody baby! You just said don't try to stop me and you don't want to talk.. so, what do you want me to do?" Draco demanded, "I ask you all the time, Potter, literally _all the time_. Every bloody second I am asking you what you want, what you need, how I can help you..." Draco shook his head, throwing his hands up, "talk to me, Potter, because I can't read your bloody mind."

"You, Malfoy. I want _you_ , I need you."

"Then put the alcohol down."

"I shouldn't have to choose," Harry growled, his hands shaking.

"Then you get me like this, Potter, because I'm not going to let you destroy yourself. That isn't me. You want me? You get me, you get who I am." Draco shrugged slowly, dropping his arms, "good night Potter."

 _ **Potter.** Connected, don't you want to know why? Why you're connected with him?_

Harry paced back and forth in front of the fireplace, throwing back drink after drink. He raised his hands to trial over the scar along his forehead as he tossed back another gulp of the never ending fire whisky, he could feel his stomach churn as he walked - he hadn't had much food for the day, and throwing cinnamon whisky on top of that and anger wasn't much to keep his contents even.

 _Freak! **Potter!** Liar! Freak! Kill the spare... **Potter. Potter.** Give me Potter..._

He braced against the wall with a grunt, fighting back the vomit before adding another drink on top of it. Again and again and again and again.

 _Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Draco Malfoy. M-mine?_

"Harry Potter?" Came a voice from somewhere in the dark rooms and Harry looked up as the lights flitted on, Luna standing in the middle of the room, "are you okay?"

"Fine!" He growled, righting himself with a quick jerk and just as quickly lurching forward as his contents came spewing out, "ugh." He groaned quietly, rubbing his stomach. Luna moved towards him, cleaning up the puke with a basic cleaning charm and then dropped down next to him pulling him into her arms quietly as he sobbed.

 _Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Alone... Alone. Alone. Alone. Alone._

* * *

"Where's Harry?" Ron asked as he joined the Slytherin table, Blaise and him coming up together.

"I'm not his bloody babysitter, Weasle," Draco snapped out, grabbing his coffee cup and doing another quick scan of the Gryffindor table - like he hadn't been all morning, "probably still asleep, or hungover or maybe even still drunk. Not my problem."

"Drunk?!" Hermione gasped and looked at Draco in question, "what do you mean?"

"What did _he do_ ," Ron corrected the question with a sigh and head shake.

"Had a nightmare, didn't want to talk about and instead started drinking. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea, he yelled at me so I left." Draco sipped the warm drink and sat his mug down, "I told him I would be there for him, but I am not going to be mistreated."

Pansy slid into her seat beside Draco with a scowl, "Harry is sitting at Ravenclaw, I hope he doesn't expect us to join him," she scowled, "I'm all for 'new year, new me' but honestly... Ravenclaw? I'd kill someone if I had to sit around listening to them groan about class work and who's reading who."

"Harry's at Ravenclaw?" Hermione blinked and looked over at the table.

"Yeah, next to Luna," Pansy explained, "no one saw him?"

"No," Ron shook his head with a frown.

"What's going on?" Pansy asked quietly, leaning in. Draco's eyes were glued to Ravenclaw table barely listening to them explain to Pansy what had happened, or at least retailing of his small explanation, and when Harry looked up towards him he didn't flinch away. _Malfoy's don't flinch away._

He cleared his throat, picked up his mug and took a small drink of it. Harry stared back his eyes hard, his jaw set - in that way that Draco knew he wanted a drink. The two stayed still and staring until someone walked between them and they blinked away, Draco stood and left without another word.

* * *

"Harry!" Blaise yelled with a wave, jogging to catch up to Harry the two making their way out to the quidditch pitch, "what's up?" He asked, sliding an arm around Harry's shoulders as they walked.

"Tryouts," Harry grinned, "the only reason I came back," he admitted walking with his broom in hand, "you trying out?"

"Nah," Blaise rolled his eyes, "I'm too good looking to be up that high," he shot a playful wink and Harry chuckled, "I'm here to watch you, Pansy, Ron and Draco - of course."

"Malfoy's trying out?"

"Oh yeah," Blaise swallowed softly, "I'm betting on him too - I got galleons against you Potter."

"Season hasn't even started!"

"Never too early to corner the market," Blaise smirked, "not scared of 'ole Malfoy on a broom are ya?"

 _Liar._ "Hardly," Harry glanced over towards the entrance seeing the man in question, _he said he wasn't going to play,_ chatting with Pansy who was climbed up on Neville's back, "Pansy played before?"

"No," Blaise laughed, "she wants to this year, though, something about almost dying changed her mind about how she held back." Harry tensed slightly and looked away, quiet as they approached, "oh shit I'm sorry Harry," Blaise spoke quickly.

"It's fine," Harry brushed it away and looked down, avoiding the others eyes. _Give me Harry Potter and no one will die... Give me the boy and you all can live._

"What did you do Blaise?" Pansy sneered at her friend.

Blaise chuckled awkwardly, "put my foot in my mouth."

"Nothing new," Draco rolled his eyes, dodging the smack that Blaise was aiming for him.

"Harry!" Pansy said suddenly, "when I make the team promise you'll practice with me? Drake won't."

Harry was watching Blaise reaching for Draco, while Pansy whined for help. He had always wanted friendships like this but instead he got worry-wart of a mother Hermione and Ron who was either angry, too serious or stuck to Hermione. That's why he became attached to the Slytherin's so quickly, they were everything he had ever wanted, "of course I will," he smiled, "we'll train ya to kick Malfoy's arse."

"I'd like to see that tried," Draco spoke with an upturned nose, "she's never even flew before."

"What?" Harry gasped out and looked at the pastel haired man with an open mouth, "never flown?"

"My hair," she whined while patting it down.

Harry shook his head and reached into his jacket pocket pulling out a stocking cap, "put it on, Pansy," He instructed before climbing on his broom, "and hop on." Pansy squealed excitedly climbing off of Neville's back after giving him a kiss then gripped Harry tightly and joined him aboard the broom, the two taking off quickly before she could say anything else.

"What'd you say to him earlier?" Draco asked once they were gone, glancing at Blaise.

Blaise sighed rubbing the back of his neck and looking away, "mentioned the reason Pansy wanted to do this now."

"Oh Merlin Blaise!" Draco scolded, "he's stressed enough."

"At least he's not drunk," Neville suggested with a frown.

"Yet," Draco shook his head and headed off towards the middle of the pitch broom over his shoulder.

Celebration was to be had, because the two makeshift 8 year teams were completed - everyone that tried out got a position, it was mostly for fun after all. Pansy was standing on one of the joined coffee tables, a glass of fire whisky in the air. All 40 of the 8 years joined the five coffee tables together, and spread out the furniture leaving the huge commons as an open room for the party they were having and now Pansy was gathering the attention of them from on top of the table, "who want's to play spin, kiss, truth?"

A small cheer of 'hear, hear's' erupted and set about pointing them in places around the room so it was like one big circle of almost 20 people, some of the others didn't want to and some had gone off to bed. "What's spin, kiss, truth?" Harry asked Blaise, who he had been placed next to.

"It's a collection of drinking games we made into a big one. Spin the bottle, whoever it lands on gets the option of truth or dare, which they complete - either one that they picked and then they kiss someone in the circle or they drink, if the person they want to kiss doesn't want to kiss them - it's happened before, then they're the ones that drink. Who ever drinks or kiss, spins ultimately." Blaise smiled, "Slytherin's know how to party."

Harry laughed, "I'll say." He watched as they all were tucked away Pansy leading the charge and then she laid an empty wine bottle on it's side and spun it quickly, the point going right to a Ravenclaw Harry had been reacquainted with Monday at breakfast when he joined Luna, and had gotten to know slightly through out the week - Anthony Goldstein. He was a blonde, slightly average bloke with a fit body.

"Dare."

Pansy hummed quietly, before snapping her fingers, "get down to your panties!" She smirked, wiggling her eyebrows. Someone around the circle let out a cat call and the guy stood up pulling his shirt over his head followed by unbuttoning his trousers and giving them a small shake while they slid down his legs. He stepped out of them and kicked them back, bunching his sweater up and throwing it at Pansy who caught it with a wink.

The group of students were whistling and catcalling as he started flexing, until Blaise spoke up with an eye roll, "kiss or drink!" Harry heard chants forming, "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!" Being chanted around the circle and Anthony started his walk, pacing back and forth then his eyes landed on Harry's and dropped down behind him.

"Kiss or drink, Potter?"

Harry swallowed roughly, his eyes scanning the other, his mind going blank while the other students were staring at them quietly, waiting. "Uh…"

"Do ittttttt!" Blaise yelled giving him a push, and Harry looked back. His face was shading, he felt the darkness coming in. He wanted to die, he didn't want to kiss this man. He wanted to kiss Draco and that was it, Draco Malfoy. Anthony Goldstein was most definitely not Draco Malfoy. He heard the chant growing again, 'kiss! kiss! kiss!' He knew it had only been half a second since the question was asked, Anthony leaning towards him with his eyes closed.

"That's mine," Draco spoke up suddenly from across the circle, cutting the chants off with those two words, "so I'd say you'd better drink, Potter." Harry swallowed roughly, and took a big gulp from his flask. The rest of the night wasn't much different any time it came time for someone to kiss Harry or his turn to pick a kiss the man drank, he was already drunk and was heading towards oblivion before the game finally ended - at some point he was sure he had heard Draco tell everyone to stop picking Harry and then sending a few stinging jinx to people who didn't listen.

But right now he was too drunk to even remember that. He was too drunk to remember anything, feel anything. He was numb. He was empty - something he strove for, at least before. The feeling he craved for during summer nights being curled on the couch this drunk by nine at night, he could remember how much better it was especially right after the war. He wasn't sure he liked it so much right now though.

He felt bad, he felt sick. He couldn't place things, he wasn't sure which way he was looking and was that someone helping him stand?

"Focus Harry, c'mon."

"No," Harry mushed out, his words slurring together, "hissssssssss driiiiinnnn."

"I am the he," Draco scoffed, "no one is stupid enough to touch you, I've been stinging anyone that gets close." Draco spoke rather proudly before giving a hard pull and catching Harry with his arm under his shoulder.

"Drayyyy?"

"The one and only, looking less graceful than ever taking care of your drunk arse."

"Spell."

"Spell what, Potter?"

Harry laughed suddenly, spinning his head around to look at Draco but he was looking the wrong direction and then squinting, "invissssible?"

Draco groaned, took his chin, and directed him around, "here, Potter. Merlin you're dense when you're drunk."

"I…" Harry scowled, focusing blurry eyes before screaming, "resipisco!"

"What?"

"Spell!"

Draco gave Harry a serious look, "stop screaming Potter, for one," he scolded, "r-e-s-i-… resipisco? p-e? Or I?"

Harry blinked back the wateriness in his eyes and shook his head, grabbing his wand and pressing it to his chest, "resipisco!" Draco raised an eyebrow, watching him a moment when suddenly Harry let go of his shirt and stood a bit better not putting all his weight on Draco, "Kreecher taught me."

"I'll remember it," Draco sighed, "now c'mon Potter, bed time."

"With you?" Draco helped him up the stairs, hissing insults at anyone that complained by them walking by or more likely they were complaining about Harry's drunken humming and stumbles, the two finally reached the bed. _Draco's_ , Harry could tell the moment he laid down, encased in the cool silken sheets. "With you." Harry answered his own question from earlier, sliding his hand along the sheets, Draco was untying Harry's shoes, and pulling them off as Harry hummed at him.

"Shut up Potter or I'll come over and kick your ass!" Nott screamed from his bed across the room.

"Been there, tried that Nott," someone added with a laugh.

A girl giggled, "seriously though, Harry, shut up or pull the canopy!"

Harry looked up at Draco in shock, his voice half a whisper, "that was a girl!"

"I know what that was," Draco answered, "now stop humming or I'll tape your mouth shut."

"Kinky," Harry smirked, or at least tried, he knew his face wasn't fully cooperating. Draco finally got his shoes off, and stood adjusting the covers before undressing himself. The soft light form the middle of the room was making shadows and Draco used his wand to put it out before changing. He stripped down to his boxers, pulled on his pajama pants and eased onto the bed, pulling the canopy. Pulling the canopy was a good idea except it blocked all sound, coming in and going out. So typically people didn't pull it unless they were sick or hooking up, because it sucked not being able to hear your surroundings sometimes, with Harry's loud drunk humming? Maybe it was best.

The silence almost completely engulfed them as Draco slipped in, Harry still running his fingers over the sheets, "so soft."

"It's silk," Draco answered lying on top of the sheet.

"I'm yours?"

"I'm aware," Draco smiled to himself, knowing Harry couldn't see, and then he reached out a hand and pushed it through his hair. "You need to sleep."

Harry nuzzled the hand, "I don't want to be drunk, Draco."

"I can get you a sobering potion, Potter," Draco suggested and sat up grabbing it from his trunk before handing it to Harry. Harry took the potion and drank it, staying upright until it kicked in.

"Thank you this is better."

"Better, huh?"

"Right now," Harry spoke softly, "it's just us, it's better this way."

"Your nerves are back," Draco smiled, "I can practically feel them." Harry started to pull his shirt off, and reached under the sheet and unfastened his jeans doing his best to peel them off using his legs to slid them out from under the sheets and off the bed then he reached out timidly, his fingers brushing the sheet rather than Draco.

"Draco?"

"Hm?" Draco was laying back, eyes closed and quiet.

"Where are you?" Harry's voice was growing frantic and Draco felt the sheets grow tight before a covered hand brushed his side, "oh..." he breathed out, "why aren't you under the covers with me?"

"Didn't know if you'd want me to sleep right next to you, Potter," Draco shrugged and shifted slightly, blinking when Harry's wand dimly lit the area, "put it out." Draco spoke quickly, instantly, and reached for the light with his right hand.

"They can't see the light, it won't bother them," Harry was saying but now Draco was up and off the bed stepping out of the canopy and grabbing a shirt, "see?" Harry asked when he came back in before blinking, "why'd you put a shirt on?"

"Because you weren't putting the light out," Draco grumbled and slid under the covers turning on his side and shutting his eyes.

"So? I'm not wearing a shirt or pants," he wiggled as he said that and reached out towards Draco with a shake, "it's fine."

"Potter," Draco groaned opening his eyes again, "go to sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"Then go back to humming."

Harry chuckled, "D-Draco?"

Draco grimaced and shot a glare at him, "so help me Merlin, if you don't stop talking so I can sleep Harry Potter I am going to kick you out of my bed."

"I want a kiss," Harry whispered his eyes drifting.

"You probably taste like alcohol," Draco tilted his head away.

"I'll go shower and clean up, then can I have one?"

Draco peered down at him, "if I'm still awake."

"I'll be so fast..." Harry was already gone the light following him. Draco laid back in silence, adjusting the covers better and the two pillows he had on the bed before shutting his eyes and willing himself to sleep. He knew it was pointless, he wanted that kiss just as much as Harry did. When Harry came back in it wasn't more than five minutes the canopy slid open before the bed dipped and a dim light filled the area.

Draco kept his eyes closed.

"Draco?" Harry asked, and reached out to poke him his hand hovering over his side before he pulled back. Then Draco felt his shirt sliding up, just above his hips now and it stopped. Harry jerking his hand back with a sigh, "Draco," he decided on while pulling the covers up, using his knee to nudge the Slytherin.

"Shut up Potter," Draco groaned, glancing over.

"Oh you're still awake?" Harry tried to pull off disinterested but was doing a terrible job at it.

"I am," Draco arched an eyebrow, "why?"

Harry had been leaning towards him but froze when he asked that question, "u-uh..?"

"Uh?" Draco smirked, "cat got your tongue?"

"You _know_?"

"I know a lot of things, Potter," Draco teased him enjoying the way Harry flushed up, "if you can't say it - I'm not doing it." He threatened and moved closer, his hand coming out to trail along Harry's bottom lip this thumb flicking against the ring in his lip.

"A kiss," Harry's voice breathed out against Draco's thumb, and Draco was pleased to find it smelled like mint.

"Want one?"

"Y-yes."

Draco smiled, and leaned down putting his lips to Harry's with a soft kiss. Harry breathed out a quiet moan into the kiss and grabbed at Draco, wanting to keep him close. His hands grabbed at Draco's hips, his lips moving in an inexperienced way against the blonde's, his teeth biting at the soft skin. Draco pulled back with a quiet groan, his eyes open and wide, "Potter!" He hissed, "stop attacking me - it's the opposite of sexy."

"I..." Harry's whole face grew read, his body as well, "I'm sorry."

Draco took a moment to calm his anger, and pulled back, "calm down, it's fine." He said sitting on his knees between Harry's legs and used his finger to rub his bottom lip, "weren't kidding when you said, 'nothing more', hm?" Draco tried to ignore the very obvious tent pitched in the sheets and kept his eyes to Harry's who were doing anything but looking at the other. "Let me teach you," Draco smiled, winking at Harry when the man finally looked at him.

Harry's flush grew and he fidgeted, glancing at Draco's lips before nodding.

Draco leaned in, his tongue slid out against his lips wetting them and then he pressed against Harry's. His mouth moving slowly, softly before tilting his head to the side and deepening the kiss. His hand was sliding down Harry's bare side brushing the sheet away to wrap around his length. Harry breathed out a gasp and Draco slid his tongue into his mouth sliding against his, and then he finally pulled back letting his hand caress Harry between the legs.

"I..." Harry's eyes were closed and he was breathing in gasp, "I've never been kissed like that before."

"You've never been kissed before, Potter." Draco smiled, speaking softly against his cheek, "but you got me now." Harry nodded dumbly, his hands shaking as they reached for Draco but he moved just out of reach sitting back as he stroked Harry, "has anyone other than me touched you before, Harry?" He shook his head, eyes wide as he looked down, "you're all mine." Draco whispered and pulled back the boxers.

His hand sliding up his thigh and then wrapping around his length properly, Harry groaned out loudly his head falling back with the force of his moan. Draco stroked him slowly, watching the way Harry's body raised off the bed slightly. His thumb flicked over his head to spread the precum and Harry bit his lip, sucking the ring into his mouth. It was quick, but Draco could understand that. No one had ever touched the guy before, this was his first form of sexual human contact?

And it was all his. Harry's eyebrows knitted together, and a rather awkwardly moaned _Draco_ slipped out before said mans hand was covered in cum. Draco smiled to himself, slowing his hand again to help Harry through the orgasm.

"Ahhh," Harry gasped, red faced as he looked down, "s-sorry."

"Don't apologize," Draco chuckled, pulling his hand back and picked up the wand from the pillow Harry laid it on. He used a cleaning charm and then noxed the wand reaching out to lay it on the bedside table, "now you can sleep."

"What about you?" Harry asked in shock, his fingers reaching for Draco.

Draco took his hand and rested it against his chest while laying back, pulling Harry against his chest to hold him, "don't worry about me Potter."

Harry hummed, "why not? Is that normal?"

"I don't think there is a normal for that..." Draco shrugged, pulling the covers up, "I am tired, it's late and I'd like to sleep."

"Will I get to uh... touch you sometime?"

"More than likely," Draco smiled with a chuckle, "we have a long time for that stuff, Potter."

Harry snuggled in, his damp hair brushing against Draco's chin, "why are you so perfect?" Draco kept his eyes closed avoiding the question. When he woke again he knew it wasn't much later than when he had fallen asleep, Harry screamed out a gasp of words that fell around the blonde loudly before jerking up right and looking around, "stop!"

Draco blinked grabbing his hand off the bedside table, lighting it instantly, "Potter?" He watched Harry coming to, his eyes blinking wildly his damp messy hair all over the place as Harry heaved out breath after breath, "Potter, talk to me."

"I..." Harry gasped in a long breath and shook his head, his hair falling over his face, "I'm sorry, Malfoy."

"Calm down, Potter," Draco answered, "nothing to worry about, what's the matter?"

"The dark."

"So we'll leave the light on," Draco said immediately cursing himself in his mind - what was he doing and why was he doing it?

Harry didn't even notice, he shivered still looking around the dimly lit bed as if it went on for ages before his eyes fell to Draco's, "Malfoy, what's going on?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?"

Draco stared back at Harry, "well, yeah?"

"Why's the light on?"

Draco swallowed roughly, and shrugged. He wasn't sure what to say, right now. _Tell the truth or lie, truth or lie, truth or lie..._ "I thought it was too dark with the canopy pulled but I don't want to open it and deal with them, this okay?"

Harry laid back down his eyes bleak and he pulled his glasses off, putting them on the bedside table, "yeah that's fine, I don't mind." He reached out for Draco's hand.

Draco tucked the wand between their pillows, watching the shadows dance across the canopy before he took Harry's hand and turned to face him, "that okay?"

"Yeah," Harry nodded, "won't bother me. Good night Draco."

Draco laid back down, _it's getting worse..._ He thought with a quiet sigh, _he's getting worse._

* * *

Lydia-Rashel - Hi. I am glad you are liking it:D Also, and more importantly, that cat in your picture is soooo adorable!

~ Kiz


	6. Chapter 5: Coalesced

**A/n:** [PastelHair!Draco/ **Dom!Draco** /Pierced!Harry] This chapter (and the next honestly) is going to focus more on our Prince of Slyhterin, his thoughts and how he is handling himself as he falls for Harry.

 **Warnings:** Depression and mention of abuse, _**please (please) be advised if you're not comfortable with this type of writing.**_ **Rated:** MA.

A/U. DracoxHarry. I don't own Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy or anything along the lines, because how absolutely pathetic would I be to write fanfiction about my own people? EHHHHHHHH. Yeah, they're not mine.

"Well, Jesus Christ, I'm alone again. So what did you do those three days you were dead? 'Cause this problem's gonna last more than the weekend." - _Jesus Christ_ , Brand New

* * *

"If you don't let me do something Draco Malfoy," Harry started with a growl, "I... I..."

"You'll what Potter?" Draco looked over cool, calm and collected as always, two grey eyes staring straight at Harry's.

Harry fought the flush down, looked around the table of their friends and right back at him, "I won't kiss you anymore!" Draco arched a brow, looked back at the potion, and added the next ingredient, "I'm serious Malfoy!"

"I never said you weren't," Draco looked up amused, his smirk flashing across his face.

Harry narrowed his eyes, "you're a prat."

Hermione chuckled shaking her head and turned back to her potion, Harry let out a frustrated growl then looked at the table and picked up the final ingredient holding it in a tight clutch. Draco's amusement gone, "Potter, put it down."

"No." Harry spoke defiantly, his back straightening slightly and he flicked his tongue out against his lip ring, "I think I'll add this ingredient, myself."

Draco's eyes grew serious and he let out a tight breath, "don't do this in front of your friends, Potter, give me the ingredient and stop acting like a child."

Harry didn't look away though he wanted to, he had a feeling he may have crossed an actual line now but he was in too deep and far too pissed off not to follow through with it. He thought back to sometime last week when Pansy and him were talking about Draco. _He likes to be in control._ He turned slightly and looked down at the book, "7 toenails..." Harry opened the clear dish of dragon toenails and pushed his finger through them a few times before starting to count them out.

Pansy's smile was so wide her face was in danger of cracking, Blaise was shaking his head after sharing an amused look with Ron. Draco had two very serious eyes watching every move Harry Potter was making, _I'm going to kill him,_ he thought with a inward groan. Harry got to 7 and looked back at Draco, "whenever you're done, we're good to go on my end."

"I think we are quite the opposite of good to go," Draco answered in a quiet tone, his voice even despite his anger.

Harry's face was growing pink and he slumped against the table, "no, no, we are. 7? Seven. Believe it or not I know how to count."

"Do you?"

"I do, did just fine."

"You have 7 seconds to put them down and stop acting like this go ahead and count them."

Harry's anger flared and he gripped his fist tightly, "7 seconds until what, _Malfoy_?"

Draco looked at the potion, checking the book before laying the stir stick against the top of the cauldron, "until I don't kiss _you_ anymore, Potter," he spoke in his ever even tone his hand held out for the ingredients, "and however shall you live without that?"

Harry grumbled something unintelligible, and looked at Draco's hand then shook his head. _Fuck him._ He stood up, and leaned forward the 7 toenails in his hand and started dropping them into the potion one at a time once the last one was in he grabbed the stir stick careful to stir the potion in the correct direction mixing the last of the ingredients in. "All done," he said happy with himself, though he had a feeling that happiness might go away once he _was_ done acting like a child but he couldn't think about that right now.

Draco was livid. His leg was bouncing under the table up and down so quickly it was making his body shake, never had Harry Potter been so sexy. And never had Draco wanted to tie someone up and fuck them as much as he did right now, he would be teaching Harry a lesson.

Once Harry sat back down on his stool Draco grabbed the stopper for the vial, and made quick work to collect the potion and stopper it. He looked up at the clock it was time to go. Lesson would be learned, he knew that. Harry met his eyes nervously after a second and Draco gave him a passive look, "didn't blow it up good job."

"I'm capable!" Harry snapped and jerked the container from Draco marching up to Slughorn. Draco stood cleaning up their station, the other four silent because rather Harry was oblivious to Draco's anger, ignoring it or not caring about it they weren't. Ron hurried to take up his and Hermione's potion and Blaise grabbed his and Pansy's leaving the two girls at the table with Draco.

"Uh.."

Draco looked over closing his book, "hm?"

"You okay, Drake?"

"Yeah, why?" His smile traced his lips, though it didn't even come close to meeting his eyes. Draco was packing up Harry's books next and handed him his bag as soon as he got back to the table, "we have Defense, c'mon," he turned leading the way, Harry hurried to follow.

* * *

Harry was leaning back against Draco's legs working on an assignment while chewing on his lip ring nervously, Draco was tensely reading a book. No one said anything about Potions, though it was on all of their minds. Harry's whole demeanor had changed as soon as they left the classroom. He knew he had acted like an asshole and a child, he knew he had but he just.. How did that happen? Why did it happen?

Draco's anger was palpable, though he put on a pretty good show he was fine. He was normal. If there was one thing he absolutely hated it was being ignored and on top of that it was being defied. He was Draco Malfoy, he was always listened to. Plain and simple. No one had talked to him the rest of the day unless they had to and he didn't notice, he didn't care.

"Yo! Malfoy," Nott's voice came from behind them and he looked up in question, _great._

Pansy groaned quietly, and looked at Neville who had tensed immediately, Blaise edged forward in his seat, "go away Nott."

"I came to talk with Malfoy, not you," Nott sneered and glanced back at Draco, "Slughorn and McGonagall want to see you."

Draco shifted his legs, and stood up, "alright," he closed his book and grabbed his jacket slipping it on, "thanks Nott," he added before walking away. Once out of the room he let his mask go and scowled marching down the hallway, he wasn't sure where to go. Either Slughorn's office or McGonagal's and was actually happy he didn't have to guess as they were both standing at the entrance of the Great Hall.

"Mr. Malfoy," she greeted him, "we wanted to speak with you, now an okay time?"

"I'm here," he answered, shrugging.

"Professor Slughorn," she gave him a nod and the two followed him to his rooms in silence, once inside Draco was shown to a seat and McGonagall sat next to him, Slughorn sat across from them on a big plush sofa.

"Tea?" He asked waving his wand and the tray flew towards the small table.

"Mr. Malfoy we wanted to ask how Harry was doing? After his incident?"

Draco arched a brow crossing his legs and setting back, "why not ask him yourself?"

"Well we believe you will give us an honest answer, and a clear one." She started, "we've noticed you two are much closer this year than you have been before."

Draco hummed quietly, "Potter's doing okay, he seems to be feeling better anyway. He doesn't drink as much, and as far as I know he hasn't lashed out at anyone." _Lie, lie, lie and... l i e._

McGonagall frowned slightly, "Theodore Nott mentioned he was having nightmares, he was asking if Harry could get a different set of rooms because it wakes the others up."

Draco blinked and chuckled, "he gets them sometimes, but Potter's told me he always had them. So? I'm not sure it is related to what happened a few weeks ago." _L I E!_

"You don't think they've increased or gotten worse since the school year started?"

 _Yes._ "No, I think Nott is looking for something to complain about."

Slughorn frowned deeply and took a drink of his tea, "does he tell you what they're about?"

"No," Draco shook his head and pushed his fingers through the multicolored hair, "I think we can all assume what they're about though."

"Voldemort," Slughorn whispered his eyes distant.

 _No, you dumb fuck..._ "Yeah, that."

"Mr. Malfoy, how are you doing with this friendship?" McGonagall asked, "how are you handling him leaning on you?"

"Potter is a strong guy, he doesn't lean on anyone. I think his friends are worried he isn't the 'same 'ole Harry' they grew up with, and I think it bothers them he is changing and he is affected from the war but he handles himself as best as anyone can in these circumstances." Draco looked at her squarely, "he's just a person, he's not a God."

"I think Harry Potter's a little more than _just_ a person," Slughorn answered quietly.

Draco bristled but remained quiet, tapping his fingers against his knee, "if that's all then?"

"Yeah," McGonagall gave a nod, "if anything changes please let me know, so we can address the situation."

"Sure," Draco stood and stepped away, "of course. Professors," he left the room and headed out of the dungeons spotting Nott standing at the end of the hallway.

"Malfoy!"

"What do you want Nott?"

"Did you tell them the truth?"

"I did," Draco answered not stopping as he passed him, just kept walking, "what's it to you?"

Nott glared after him before following, "does he know?"

"What?"

"Don't fucking play with me, Malfoy."

Draco took a deep breath and turned around, his tone growing even as his anger took over, "you've grown remarkably more mouthy since last year, _Theodore._ " Nott let out a quiet gasp and stepped back, "mm, there it is." Draco smirked, "how about that."

"Piss off," Nott breathed out looking down.

Draco laughed humorlessly and shook his head, taking a step towards him, "does he know what?"

"Us."

"There was no us, so I doubt he does," Draco shrugged and once Nott's back hit the wall he pressed his hand to the stone as well keeping him in place.

Nott glanced up, his face red, "there was..."

"There was sex, and last time I checked sex was far from a relationship." Draco chuckled quietly, "can't help you got hung up."

"Shut up!"

"How about this," Draco continued, "you leave Potter alone, Theodore, and we won't have any problems."

"Does he know what you're like, yet, Draco?" Draco glared leaning back and turning to leave, "I'll tell him."

"Will you?" The Slytherin Prince answered, his anger growing again but more than that all his anger from this afternoon came flooding back and he tensed, his hands in a tight fist.

"I saw him during Potions," Nott answered lightly, a smile was growing, "I saw everything."

"And?"

"I have a feeling if he knew the real you he wouldn't have done that."

Draco smirked, "and what would you tell him that I'm like?"

"You're desperate for control, and when he doesn't submit you'll leave him," Nott snapped, "I know you Draco, I _was_ Potter once." Draco rolled his shoulders and turned to leave, "you can't fix him, Draco, you can't fix someone that's already dead." Nott yelled after him but Draco didn't turn around this time, he just kept walking.

He most certainly didn't want to think about Harry being dead, and he most certainly didn't want to face the fact he was struggling for the control he was desperate for. He couldn't get a reign on Potter and more importantly he wasn't sure he wanted to or knew how to.

When he got back into the 8th year commons he found most of the lights out and everyone gone, save a few Ravenclaws that were studying. He headed up to the boys dorms and glanced around the dimly lit room, Harry was tucked into his bed on his side under one of the covers. Draco let out a quiet sigh looking at him. He hadn't wanted to share tonight but it was too late now, he took his time stripping down and pulled on his sleeping pants and sweater climbing into the bed with him. As soon as Draco laid down he looked over.

The nightmare was already starting. It was etched across Harry's face the brunette was frowning, his body tense, and he was clutching at the sheets.

"Harry calm down," Draco whispered leaning forward and kissing his temple, "shhh."

He lit the wand and pulled the canopy around them - if there was one way to keep the others happy and from talking to McGonagall it was this way at least.

* * *

Draco woke to bright light and blinked seeing the canopy half pulled open, Harry already gone. He stretched out and reached over to shut the canopy again before checking his watch. It was only 11 and a Friday and he didn't classes on Friday. Harry and everyone, but Neville, had classes until 2. So that meant Draco could take some alone time.

Much needed alone time - if he was honest. He rolled over on the bed, stretching his legs out and grabbed the nearest pillow tucking it under his head and dozing back to sleep. When he woke again it was to Harry pulling the cover open completely, flooding Draco with bright afternoon light, "Malfoy wake up!"

"Mm.." Draco hummed covering his eyes with his arm, "go away."

"It's almost three, Malfoy, wake up!" He felt the bed dip from the others weight, "wake up!" The Gryffindor's smile could almost be felt.

"Why?"

"Because it's almost three," Harry's voice was light with a smile and he reached out grabbing Draco's arm pulling it down before he was met with a glare from the other.

"Go away Potter."

Harry lifted a brow sitting back, "wh-what?"

"Go away," Draco answered hotly, "I'm sleeping."

"Oh," Harry swallowed roughly and moved to climb off the bed, "sure, I'll see you later." Draco watched him go and grabbed his wand pulling the canopy again so he wouldn't get up and comfort the other. He wanted more sleep.

Draco didn't fall back asleep, though, and after about 30 minutes of trying he decided to get up and shower. He would tell himself it was because he had enough sleep, though he knew it was because of the way Harry's face fell. He took a long, hot shower and took his time getting dressed. Pulling on a sweater and a pair of socks lastly before he headed downstairs, Harry was laying with his head in Pansy's lap biting his lip ring while she drug her fingers through his hair.

His eyes were shut and she was talking softly, Draco's eyes drug down the two of them before looking around the room. It was still fairly empty the others at classes or out enjoying the day, he checked his watch dinner would be served soon.

"Ahem," he called through tight lips, "eating dinner today, Potter?"

Harry opened his eyes and moved to sit up, "yeah, sure I guess."

Draco gave a stiff jerk towards the door, "did you eat lunch?"

"Yeah," Harry nodded standing and glanced back at the girl, "Pansy?"

"Gonna wait for Neville," she grinned at Harry, "go ahead." Draco was standing at the door waiting until Harry joined him the two exiting together.

"...did you sleep well?"

"Fine," the Slytherin answered with a tight voice and when she saw Harry reach for him he tucked his hands into his jeans pockets ignoring the grasp.

"Ron is trying to organize a late night hide and seek," Harry spoke up suddenly as they walked through the Great Hall doors, trying to pretend he wasn't hurt the other was being so cold.

Draco glanced over from the corner of his eyes, "yeah?"

"Yeah, he and Blaise are setting it up," Harry's smile was falling back into place and he turned to face Draco slightly.

"Planning on playing?"

Harry nodded, "would you want to be my partner?"

Draco smirked despite his attitude and turned around to face Harry, "who else would be your partner?"

Harry shrugged and looked down, "I don't know," his eyes trailed across the ground and he bit his bottom lip, "I didn't know if you'd want to be with me."

 _Oh, of course he takes anger like that..._ Draco took Harry by the chin, making him look up, "you're mine Potter, no one else gets to share moments with you. You understand?"

Harry nodded quickly though a rough swallow, "yes," he whispered and lent forwards.

"No," Draco dropped his chin, _baby steps_ , "I believe I told you something yesterday, and I quite meant it, Potter," he slid into his seat at the Slytherin table. Harry blinked and looked after him then he stepped forward and slid into the seat, _so_ _he_ is _like that..._ Harry thought once he sat down, _a bloody control freak. My bloody controlling Draco Malfoy._

As soon as night fell on the castle the groups were sneaking around. Blaise had rounded a few extra people from 7th year Slytherin and Ron from Gryffindor. It was going to be a Gryffindor/Slytherin showdown it seemed and Draco was less than enthused when that realization set in, he was standing with his arms crossed across his chest and a scowl that Pansy was giggling at, "I've an idea," she whispered when she slinked up, "Neville and Harry can be partners and then we can switch?"

Draco arched a brow and looked over at Harry who was talking excitedly with Ron, the man hadn't had anything to drink all day he was just being normal, happy Harry Potter and that was a sight for sore eyes these days. "I don't know," Draco sighed pushing his hand through his rainbow hair, "he's having fun and I'm still mad at him I'd probably ruin his night."

Pansy frowned slightly, "you okay Dray?"

"I haven't dated before, y'know, it's different and it's Harry. He isn't an easy person to date - honestly."

"Look, you have to understand this is all new to him as well but more than that Dray he is _not_ experienced. Harry is as relationship virgin as they come, so you getting all hoity-toity over his outburst is going to scare the man away. He didn't have the childhood most do and he most certainly didn't have the chance to be a teenager - with saving the world and all," Pansy shook her head, "he deserves better than that Draco Malfoy, he's pretty fucked up y'know?"

"I'm aware...I sleep with him," Draco arched a brow, "I shouldn't have fallen for him, I should have just been his friend."

"When have you _ever_ been one to do things half-assed?" The brunette laughed at her friend before sliding her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly, "I think you should stop being so worried, he likes that you never treat him like _Harry Potter_ so don't. Stop being so scared of the man, stop trying to protect him Draco, you can't. Harry's... he's going to be who he is, and he isn't going to change just because you tiptoe around him." Pansy chuckled stepping back, "this is the first time in months, he hasn't had a drink. It's been 48 hours, y'know that? And this is the first time you've treated him as your boyfriend rather than someone you're trying to save."

"I get it, I get it," Draco rolled his eyes and gave her a push heading over towards the man across the room, he paused and glanced over his shoulder, "thanks Pansy."

"You're welcome," she grinned giving him a wave.

Draco strode across the distance, and without warning or announcing himself he reached out and wrapped his hand around Harry's chin giving it a small tug as the man stared at him with wide eyes before he pressed their lips together in a _rather_ heated kiss. Harry wanted more, he always did, and wrapped his arms around Draco's body as the blonde snaked his own arm around his waist, "Potter," he started, "you better be good at hiding."

"Wh-why?"

Draco tilted his head back with a smirk, "I have a few plans for you, so I'd _hate_ to not be the one that found you." The Gryffindor flushed biting his bottom lip and dragging his lip ring into his mouth. Draco's eyes flashed to the ring then back to Harry's eyes, "so, good luck." He shot a wink and dropped his arms as Harry stumbled back gripping the wall behind him to steady himself.

The night started off slow, they had to leave in small groups and sneak to find hiding places. The first four groups to leave where hiding and it was a mix of Gryffindor and Slytherin, the second four groups were the finders a mix of the two houses. Draco paired up with Blaise, and after they were headed out a dejected group of Slytherin's were headed in.

Draco sighed, "they don't make them like they used to."

His friend laughed quietly and they moved into the shadows of the corridor before heading on, walking by an abandoned class room they could hear a moan and he snickered, "well, shall we?"

Draco rolled his eyes and eased the door open to peer in before promptly pulling back and giving Blaise a serious head shake as he shut the door, "it's Weasley and Granger, let's let them be." Blaise chuckled and gave a nod down the hallway leading Draco away. They headed through the school, only finding a few people but if Draco was honest he was only looking for one person.

"Let's do a run by the commons," Blaise suggested, "see who's left?"

Pansy was waiting at the door when the two stopped in, "we're missing Ron and Hermione, Neville and Harry, Nott and Goyle, Ginny and Luna too." She explained, "I don't remember who the seekers and finders are, but I think we should split up... so let's go?"

At the staircase they did just that. Draco went up, he knew exactly where Harry was and he wanted to be the only one that found him. He hurried through the corridors stopping at the bottom of the Astronomy Tower. He locked the door once he was behind it and moved up the stairs slowly, "Potter?" Draco called, glancing around the tower. Nothing seemed out of place but he knew Harry was here. It was their spot, where else would the man hide so only Draco found him?

"It's just me," Draco called easing towards the middle of the room and looking around the large telescope that was encased in the railings and there Harry was tucked behind a few crates and the wall, smirking at the Slytherin.

"Found me."

Draco chuckled, "would have been here sooner but Blaise was clingy."

"Clingy?" The other lifted a brow, "maybe we spend too much time together and not enough with our friends. Ron was oddly clingy today too."

"I did notice that," Draco growled, standing a bit back as they talked.

He couldn't remember the last time the two of them just talked and it felt good. The past two weeks had been full of arguments, nightmares and classes. Not to mention the week of quidditch tryouts, week before last, Harry and him hadn't talked because the Gryffindor was mad. And this week they had been focused on classes keeping them busy plus Harry was having more frequent nightmares and drinking to hide them so he distanced himself from Draco when he started drinking. Tonight though it was just them.

Pansy's words were echoing in Draco's head, s _top being so scared of the man, stop trying to protect him Draco, you can't._

Harry usually rushed to Draco's side the moment they were alone but tonight was different. He didn't. He stayed seated on one of the crates, his hands folded in his lap and looking at the tall Slytherin across from him. Draco leaned back against the railing and crossed his arms in front of him, watching. "What did McGonagall want yesterday?"

"Mm," Draco shrugged a slender shoulder, "mostly just wanted to ask how you were, you attacked her after all."

"Did you lie to them?"

"No," the blonde shook his head, watching Harry chew on his bottom lip. His tongue slid against the piercing making it role through the hole. "I told them I thought you were doing better, and you were drinking less," he tilted his head to the side, "and you are drinking less, y'know, and you have said multiple times you're feeling better."

The raven haired male laughed quietly, "yeah, that's what they say."

"They?"

"Hermione and Ron, they think I'm doing better since I've been around you - oddly enough."

"You don't think you are?"

"I don't know, Malfoy." Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the stone wall, relaxing, "what do you think it would have been like if I hadn't lived?"

Draco felt odd, it was a strange feeling that washed over the two of them and he wasn't sure he wanted to have this conversation. He wanted to walk over and kiss Harry until he shut up, he didn't want to think about the man dying. He didn't want to care the amount he did for Harry Potter but he was, he was crossing a line of no return.

He knew Nott was right the other day in the hallway, he knew Nott was more than right. He saw a challenge in Harry Potter more than the usual one. And it started the moment he defeated Voldemort.

While the Death Eaters ran away, Draco stood there watching. His eyes were trained to Harry and only him, the man was crumpled. He fell to his knees in the midst of all the chaos, he dropped down and his tears fell. They fell in waves, wave after wave of emotion worked through his body and Draco just watched him. Until he walked over, dirty blonde hair in his eyes with mud, smoke, and blood smeared over his face; over his clothes.

Harry had just saved his life _twice._ He defeated Voldemort but more than that he pulled him from the burning room. Draco owed Harry his life but how could he say that to his enemy? To the man he absolutely hated. The man that was the bane of his existence. "Potter," Draco had said his name quietly and their eyes met but before another word had been said he was attacked.

Not by Harry but by an Auror. They took his down, jerked his wand from him and he was taken into custody.

He saw that same challenge the day the man spoke for him at his trial. Draco didn't deserve that but Harry had defended him anyway, and when they let him go and Harry stood there looking at him.. smelling of alcohol, with blood shot eyes and a tense jaw he saw the challenge. He wanted to thank him but didn't know how, didn't think it'd be worth it because he was staring at the ghost of a man. The Gryffindor hadn't even had a remark to sneer at him before he turned and left. He hadn't been in the news and people stopped searching for him, Draco threw himself out there looking for any sign of the man. Any sign but there wasn't one and before he knew it Draco changed.

He was different.

"It would have been easier if I had stayed dead," Harry was saying, pulling the Slytherin from his thoughts, "safer too... I should have given myself up when he asked for it." Harry wasn't looking at him he was staring at the ground his lip bleeding as he chewed at it, a small trickle of blood running down his chin. Draco swallowed roughly not at all sure what to say because the first time he had seen Harry bleed last month was when the man was trying to 'cut' Voldemort from his head and when he saw that he had thought, what a challenge this man will be. But as he looked at him now it wasn't that thought at all.

As Draco stared at him he wanted to drop down before him and clean up his face, he wanted to heal his wounds... all of them, every single wound that Harry Potter had. He wanted to save him. He wanted to **heal Harry**.

"I'm glad you're here, Harry," he whispered, speaking up finally. He wasn't supposed to be dealing with this, neither were. They were 18 years old, they were supposed to be having a blast and running around and... doing what Ron and Hermione were doing in that classroom downstairs (that Draco was pretty sure he saw Blaise sneak into when he hurried past) on a Friday night but they weren't.

Draco wasn't having the time of his life with the man he was falling in love with, he was grasping onto him to keep him from the edge. Harry was dealing with his self hatred, with the thoughts that plagued him, and Draco was trying to live through the fact he had his own problems too.

Problems Harry hadn't even asked him about, problems Draco would rather forget and sure it was easier when he was with Harry because he could focus on the Gryffindor but when he was alone, when Potter was off drinking and hiding Draco was left to his own devices, his own thoughts. His own pain.

Pain that echoed in his mind the way it felt when his father hit him because he was the wrong kind of Malfoy, or his mother touched him because she was looking for love, or Voldemort torturing the children when their parents messed up and the things he had to do just to stay alive. At some point Draco stopped seeing Harry as a challenge but as what _he_ needed to fix so he could heal himself.

"I want to feel something, Draco, something other than this sadness." Harry was shaking, his eyes were closed and his head was pressed into the stone wall, "I need to feel anything other than this sadness."

The Slytherin swallowed roughly and pushed off the railing before he walked over to the other slowly and reached out running his hand down his face their eyes meeting slowly. They stared at each other for a moment and Draco moved so he was straddling the man below him, "look at that, you're finally telling me what you need."

The Gryffindor chuckled stretching his neck so their lips would touch, and Draco gave him a brief kiss, "you, always you."

"Then you have to be alive for that," Draco nuzzled his cheek, then his ear lobe, "I didn't imagine our first time to be on a crate in the Astronomy Tower, Potter."

Harry chuckled, his face was flushed and his hands were pressed to Draco's body, "we're free to leave any time we want - I have a house."

Draco blinked, sitting back, "would you like me to take you... _home_?"

"I think I might Draco, I've been wanting to leave since the moment I got on the train."

Draco stood up with a small smile, "c'mon Potter," he wrapped his hands around Harry's waist as soon as he stood up and pressed a kiss to his lips.

"It's almost like we're normal," Harry whispered through his flush when Draco stepped back and took his hand, feeling the Gryffindor's hand shaking.

The blonde chuckled quietly, arching a brow with a smirk, "we are far from normal, Potter, but doesn't mean we can't make our own normal." Harry giggled quietly and Draco didn't think there was a better sound in the world than that laugh, "we got a bit of a walk until we get a spot we can apparate," he was saying as the descended the stairs, "don't we have to sign out?"

Harry lifted a shoulder, "I don't know, fuck 'em."

The Slytherin felt his pants tighten at the words, nothing was sexier than rebel Harry, "you don't think our clingy friends will notice our absence, huh?"

"They might but..." Harry was stepping through the door with his sweaty palm resting against Draco's cool hand, "they're not you so I don't care."

"Keep that up and you're gonna earn yourself a few kisses." Draco chuckled and they snuck out the castle door hurrying down the walkway to Hogsmeade, they stopped at the edge of town and Draco pulled Harry close to his chest, "alright, where we going Potter?"

"12 Grimmauld Place," Harry laid his cheek to Draco's chest and closed his eyes, in a flash they appeared just in front of the building. Draco followed Harry as they crossed the street and up to the door that was appearing just before his eyes, he watched as the man tilted his head looking at him curiously, "it might be a mess," Harry admitted with a nervous look, "I didn't particularly worry about it looking good and Kreacher is very old, Mundungus Fletcher ransacked it before the war."

Draco chuckled, "I am sure it is fine."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Harry glanced away and unlocked the door before pushing it open, "Kreacher?" He called jumping as the elf appeared in front of him, "hey."

"Harry?" He looked at his master with worried eyes, "are you okay?"

"Perfect," Harry patted his head and stepped in, letting Draco come into view, "Kreacher this is my... boyfriend," he looked back with a lifted brow, "boyfriend?"

Draco chuckled quietly, shutting the door behind doing his best to keep his expression calm. Harry had not been lying, the places was a mess. A huge mess. Draco wanted nothing more that to start cleaning it, picking it up, but he kept himself in check and when he turned back he was grinning, "I'm the boyfriend, boyfriend, Draco Malfoy." He eased the awkwardness with a small joke and watched Harry visibly relax.

Kreacher looked between the two, before stepping back and bowing slightly, "Master Malfoy, an honor."

"Master Malfoy?" Harry scoffed and gave his elf a nudge, "don't do that shit, Kreacher," he leaned down and helped the poor, old elf stand, "now your knees hurt and he's not worth that."

Draco smirked reaching out to swat at Harry, "I am worth all of it, Potter, do well to remember that."

Harry rolled his eyes shaking his head at his elf, "fuck 'em." Once the elf was standing Harry grinned fondly at him, "I only wanted to let you know I was here with Draco so you didn't attack us. Go ahead and go back to bed."

"Thank you Master," Kreacher eyed Draco again and then turned to leave as if he was dismissed.

Harry stood again and glanced Draco who was watching the man with a soft and uncharacteristically place smile, "so, a tour?"

"Sure?" Draco cleared his throat and followed Harry through the bottom floor of the house, it was far bigger than it looked obviously magic at play and when they stepped onto the stairs making their way up the flights Draco found there were five large rooms.

"I picked Sirius' old room," the brunette explained, pushing a door open to the only clean and well put together room in the house.

"For obvious reasons," Draco answered and stepped in with the man, Harry frowned and the blonde wished he hadn't had said that. "Hey," he whispered, reaching out to take the man's hand giving it a small squeeze, "sorry, I meant it as a good thing okay?"

Harry nodded slowly and allowed the other to pull him in for a hug, a hug that was slowly turning into a kiss. Draco closed his eyes, pressing their lips together and taking the kiss from Harry who was more than willing to give it to him. He hadn't taken too long to scan the area but had a pretty good indication where everything was. A desk on the far side next to Harry's armoire, and the large bed that was in the middle of the wall facing the middle of the room.

The blonde was running his hands down Harry's chest, over the thin fabric of his t-shirt. Harry never wore sweaters, or any other form of clothing that wasn't a t-shirt and his sexy leather jacket that Draco didn't mind seeing the man in at all. But it was the first to go with the blonde's hands guiding it open and then down his arms so it fell to the ground.

Harry pulled back after a moment looking at Draco curiously, the blonde was dragging his palms up Harry's arms and moving his fingers over his muscles, "hm?" he asked watching Harry.

"You've never really touched me before?"

"I haven't?" He arched a brow, "are you sure?"

"I'm quite sure," Harry shivered, his face was flushed and he was tugging at his lip with his teeth nervously.

"Shame on me," Draco smirked, his tone rather cocky and he pulled Harry's shirt off with two swift hands, "because you have an amazing body, Potter."

Harry let out a nervous laugh, running his hands through his hair and looking down as he took a step back.

"Don't be nervous," Draco whispered softly, and reached out wrapping his left hand around Harry's right hip. "It's just me."

"I know," Harry managed still looking away, his hands were shaking and Draco felt a wave of goosebumps crawl over the mans skin before he ran his hands up his side and over the raised skin.

"Talk to me," Draco coaxed taking his time to appreciate Harry's toned, cut, fit body with two slow hands the man had gained some of his weight back with Draco forcing him to eat and he was looking less malnourished and more healthy.

"I'm scared," he admitted his eyes closed and hiding behind his messy hair, that was falling over his forehead.

"Of what?"

"Disappointing you."

Draco smiled to himself and leaned forward kissing the man's shoulder, "don't be, Harry, you're my favorite sight."

"What if I do it wrong?"

"Do what wrong?" Draco asked softly and cupped the others cheek, feeling him nuzzle his hand, he drug his thumb over his bottom lip and gave that lip rip a small flick.

"S-Sex," Harry's voice quivered at the use of the word and he shifted nervously, stepping back and sitting on the bed.

Draco knelt down in front of the other, "look at me," he waited patiently until Harry did, "hey, right here," he whispered, "it's me, Harry, no one else. Just me."

"I want to be... good, for you."

Draco cleared his throat, he hadn't ever heard that before. And he wasn't sure he liked the way it sounded. Harry was good, he was all good. He was perfect and safe and all the goodness in the world, all the goodness with a streak of dark. That's it. That's all. But, Draco was all the bad. He was the blackness that filled the minds of others, he was what made people mean and hateful. It was how he was raised, and treated and grew up. How could he have someone that wanted to be good for him? How could he have someone that... wanted him? Someone like Harry, someone that was so alive they couldn't die even when the Devil himself killed him?

He sat back on the carpet of the rug and pressed his hands to his knees. He wasn't ready for this, Draco was furthest from ready for this. He stuck to people like Nott because they were easy to control, a quick game to play with until he got bored. But Harry Potter? Oh, Merlin, Harry Potter was the light in the darkness that Draco wasn't ready to face.

"Pansy told me," Harry was still talking, the two on completely different pages Draco realized and focused in, "I know I'm not your first and I'm okay with that. The past is the past, but she told me some of the stuff you're into. Things you like and I'm scared I am not that person - at least yet, it doesn't scare me the _things.._ just, the way you.. just y'know if I'm bad." Harry's voice was small, quivering and he was looking anywhere but at the blonde on the floor before him.

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"I know you don't like to talk," Harry whispered his response.

Draco chuckled and looked down, rubbing the back of his neck before pushing his fingers through his brightly colored hair, "Potter, I uh..." He stopped, shaking his head, "Harry."

The Gryffindor blinked looking up at the other, he hadn't ever heard his name like that before. Sure, Draco called him Harry every now and then but this was different. He didn't think anyone had ever said his name before until Draco said it right then. It was breathless, it was full of emotion that Harry hadn't ever felt.

"I need to tell you things, Harry, about me and myself and..." His voice cut off before he could finish, he shook his head unable to move but boy did he want to. He wanted to get up and run but he couldn't. His whole body was locked down and he was there to stay.

Harry had a memory flash into his mind and gasped as he ran his fingers along his newest scar, _if it wasn't my father beating me or my mother touching me, my aunt had a go..._ He turned two unfocused to Draco blinking in as he looked at the blonde before him, "Draco," he whispered and moved to the floor quickly pulling the man against his chest tightly as tears and sobs worked through his body, "I'm here," Harry whispered quietly, "I'm here."

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A/n: I'm sorry for any glaring mistakes. I am beta-less, Tiff is on hiatus because of family things ( _I still miss you. And love you. Did you see my tumblr? I assumed it was you asking for that DWxYOU fic? LOL_ ) so anyway.. I apologize. Eh.

Hope you're enjoying still.

~Kiz

AnetteRuby: Right? He's gone through traumatic events it honestly bothers me more that people seem okay with him just bouncing back.  
Lydia-Rashel: I work nights, haha! So that's my afternoon:D  
Insomniac Tiger: HERE IT IS! CALM DOWN. Haha. :3  
Drarry329: I can't help but wonder... you a Drarry fan? ;) And the wait is over, enjoy.


	7. Chapter 6: United

**A/n:** [PastelHair!Draco/Dom!Draco/Pierced!Harry] This chapter (like the last) is going to focus more on our Prince of Slyhterin, his thoughts and how he is handling himself as he falls for Harry.

 **Warnings:** Depression and **_mention of abuse_** , _**please (please) be advised if you're not comfortable with this type of writing.**_ **Rated:** MA.

A/U. DracoxHarry. I don't own Harry Potter or his emotional trauma that came after the war. Oops.

"Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die, I'm a little bit scared of what comes after." - _Jesus Christ_ , Brand New

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 _ **Important Author Note:** I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be that writer that is over the top with disclosing information or anything too revealing within the story but I want to make sure before you continue to this chapter you are prepared. Please, please, _**please** _, be advised that there is going to be mention of sexual, physical and emotional abuse in this chapter and if you.. if you.. just please take the proper precautions to read/when reading. I am sorry if you think this is over reacting in anyway, or puts you off from continuing I just want to be upfront and honest with you and the situation. I had to take a few breaks whilst writing, I want to be honest so you can be prepared if there is anything that can harm you, trigger you or put you in a dark place. _

_Thank you_ _~kiz_

* * *

Harry shifted off the floor and bent down grabbing Draco under his arms, with a heave he had the man pulled up and with another he was cradling the blonde against his chest. Harry was still stronger than Draco even after he had lost the weight he had, and moved slowly to lay the man down. He wasn't sure just how long the two had sat there on the floor or even when Draco had fallen asleep because Harry was pretty sure he had cried even while he slept.

Harry took his time to lay Draco on the bed, then undressed him - barely - it was really just him taking his shoes off, then his jumper and lastly his jeans leaving him curled on his side and under the covers. He took a moment, hovering over the bed to watch the way Draco reached for his pillow and buried his nose against it before relaxing again. Harry didn't want to wake him up just yet for more than one reason, one being he knew Draco was exhausted, two he wasn't mentally ready himself for that conversation they were going to have to have.

Harry could gather what the gist of it was, but clearly there was something he didn't know and it could wait for a little later. He stripped his jeans, kicking his shoes away then crawled up on the bed next to Draco, curling into his side and laying his head on the blonde's chest.

When Draco woke he knew it was late, mostly because of the fact he was alone. He laid back on his back and stared up at the dark ceiling above his head taking a moment to stretch freezing when he realized he wasn't wearing pants. He sat up quickly and saw his t-shirt was in place before realizing Harry must have taken his jumper (and jeans) off for him. Upon standing he took a moment to assess the room and opened a drawer of Harry's to find something to wear. Deciding upon a pair of Harry's sleep pants he pulled them on having to tie the strings and then roll them once before opening the armoire and finding it full of sweaters. They were knitted and looked very homemade but the moment Draco saw them all he fell in love.

They were adorable, they looked cozy and he reached out plucking a dark blue one from the middle before pulling it over his head, a large 'H' was knitted in the middle of the sweater and he was elated as he hugged it to himself then he set out to find Harry. It wasn't too hard to navigate through the place he knew there were only a few places he could be and he had already passed two. The bathroom and the front room so now he stopped at the kitchen, finally checking the time by the large clock on the wall that told him it was in fact late, almost one.

He pushed the door to the kitchen open and saw the one he was looking for, Harry was sitting at the table with a mug of tea and someone Draco didn't know or recognize, "Draco," Harry greeted him with a wide smile making a move to stand as the boy walked through the door, "how'd you sleep?"

Draco cleared his throat, before nodding, "okay, well enough. Sorry, I can..."

"No," Harry was quick to step around the edge of the table and held his hand out for the other, "mm, good morning," he whispered to the blonde taking the hand and pulling him to a chair next to him before sitting back down Draco could feel the other shiver as soon as they touched and smirked to himself. Harry was good at putting on a show them and cleared his throat looking away, "Molly this is Draco Malfoy, I don't believe you two have officially met?" He asked before turning to Draco, "Molly Weasley."

"Oh?" Draco raised an eyebrow before giving a small smile, "Mrs. Weasley."

"Hi Draco," she was grinning, "Can I make you some tea or anything, dear?"

"No, no," Draco shook his head and shifted in the chair, "I'm okay, just waking up."

Harry took a drink from his cuppa and smiled, "Molly made me that sweater," he started, "all of them up there, actually."

Molly chuckled, "my specialty."

"It's very warm, and comfortable," Draco answered watching the two smile at each other, he felt a bit awkward if he was honest here Draco Malfoy was in the kitchen of Harry Potter's looking thoroughly just woke with Mother Weasley, his es's mother.

And then as if continuing the conversation they had just abandoned she spoke, "so, anyway, McGonagall mentioned you two were hanging out."

"Ah," Harry nodded slowly, "it's true, obviously, but nothing to worry about. Draco actually suggested we sign out." He paused and glanced over at the man, "apparently our clingy friends _were_ worried."

Draco chuckled, "figured."

"Well, I'll be sure to tell her to expect you back to classes Monday morning," Molly started giving another smile at the two which fell when Harry shook his head.

"Y'know, actually Molly, don't. I don't plan on going back," he explained, "Draco may but I don't think I will."

"Harry?"

"I just don't think it's what I want," Harry shook his head, "and boyfriend boyfriend over here keeps telling me to do what I want. I think he's right."

Draco chuckled and rubbed Harry's back softly, Molly looked between the two curiously before chuckling, "I hate to say I didn't want to believe it when Hermione wrote," Molly started, "but this is the happiest I've seen him in years..."

Harry flushed, looking away, "thanks Molly."

"Draco, are you going back?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "yeah I will be back."

Molly pushed up from her seat and Harry hurried to his feet accepting the hug, "alright boys, I'll let them know you'll be back Draco for classes on Monday."

"Thank you," Draco had stood as well and before he knew it he was pulled into a hug by Molly.

"Hang on to him, Draco," she whispered then stepped back with a grin, "see ya boys."

When the door was closed Draco glanced over, he felt oddly shy about last night but when he looked at Harry he saw the Gryffindor was smiling like a madman, "good morning."

"Good afternoon," Draco reached out slowly and stroked the man's face, "how about lunch?"

"Mm?" Harry grinned, "we gotta cook ourselves."

Draco looked around, his eyebrow raised, "what?"

"Kreacher," Harry barely whispered his name, "he's old, it hurts his legs to move."

"Oh," the blonde chuckled and turned around to look at the kitchen, "Potter, I can't cook y'know..."

"I figured," Harry teased, stepping around the man, "lucky for you my Aunt and Uncle made me cook for them, there are a few things I'm capable of doing."

Draco blinked a few times trying to wrap his mind around what Harry had just said, "made you cook?" His anger grew instantly, "made you cook?! Like you're some kinda servant?"

"Well," Harry shrugged, "it's in the past, Draco, really it's fine."

"It may be 'in the past' but that is absolutely ridiculous!" Draco was livid, his eyes narrowed.

"Ok," Harry blinked a few times, "honestly, it's okay just calm down."

"That is quite the opposite of okay, Potter!"

"Hey, calm down," Harry was growing frantic, he hadn't seen Draco mad much. The last time he did they two of them got into an argument and didn't talk for almost a week, "please?"

The blonde sighed and blew out a quiet breath, "don't think you have to cook okay?"

"I don't," Harry answered quickly, "honestly, I'm getting hungry too."

"Mm," Draco hummed and sat back in the chair, "alright." Harry let out the breath he had been hold, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth and giving his lip ring a small tug. He turned his back to the other and started collecting ingredients to make waffles and had just started when Draco spoke up again, "when did you get your lip pierced?"

"Well, I don't remember exactly I think in the end of June." He answered, "I had been doing my shopping at a Muggle town to avoid attention, and one night I saw a guy who had some piercings and I asked him about them. He took me to a shop and they did it."

"Why'd you do it?"

"I..." Harry, using his wand, closed the waffle iron and turned to look at the other, "I thought it would hurt."

"Oh."

"It didn't, I didn't even feel it. It was like a small sting and and then they were done, I was going to take it out when I got home but when I looked in the mirror I liked it." Harry lifted his top lip in a small smile, "I thought it looked kinda devil-may-care and when I gave it a tug it started bleeding."

Draco blinked, but remained quiet just watching.

"Of course it takes more now for it to bleed, but I don't mind."

"You do it when you get upset," Draco answered the statement, "like last night in the Tower, a few times that Granger and Weasle annoy you.. When I don't talk to you."

Harry chuckled and turned back to the waffle, pulling it off and placing it on a plate before making another. "I don't have much else to hang on to anymore, now that I don't drink that much."

"You still drink though."

"I'm trying to stop," Harry answered quietly, not looking at the other, "I, at least, take it away."

"I hate when you do that."

Harry was taking the second waffle from the iron when he heard him, and turned around with both plates not at all sure if he should acknowledge he heard it, it was quiet. Like an escaped thought and when he glanced at the blonde he could tell Draco had not intended to say it. His eyes were directed to the table and his hands closed in front of him tightly.

"Alright, waffles," Harry sat the plates down and moved over across from the other, "if you don't like them I'll tell you to take your spoiled ass elsewhere."

"I doubt it." Draco smirked, glancing up before picking up his fork, "so you're not going back?"

"No, I don't want to," Harry sighed, "I hate that place, Draco. I used to love it but now I hate it."

"This is different, isn't it?"

"What part?"

"Us," Draco chuckled, "you call me Draco all the time now, not just when you're drinking and we have actual conversations... I don't know, it feels different."

"I guess that's what happens when you date?"

"We should have done this first."

Harry blinked, his eyes trained to the other, "what do you mean?"

Draco shrugged, "I don't know, never mind." He shouldn't have said that, and the longer he was sitting at this table he thought he shouldn't have even come home with Harry. They should have gone to the Room of Requirement or even just back to the dorms and never put themselves in this position. They weren't ready for it, Harry was a pile of nerves and Draco was too. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this way and he didn't want to.

"Everything okay Draco?" Harry asked with a quiet voice, he had stopped eating and was watching the other.

"Fine," Draco nodded, "I just don't feel well," he lied, "do you mind if I shower?"

"Of course not," Harry shook his head, "I'll leave you to it."

Draco's smile was forced and fleeting as he pushed to his feet and hurried out of the room, leaving Harry to clean up. He hurried up the stairs and grabbed his clothing from the night before then to the bathroom shutting and locking the door behind him. He was quickly growing unstable, where Harry couldn't wait to get out of Hogwarts... Draco couldn't wait to get in. He didn't really have a home now, he didn't have a family - for the better, and he didn't have protection. Hogwarts was his home, his family was there - Pansy and Blaise, and he was protected. It wasn't like he was desirable number one or anything.

His emotional outburst from last night was weighing on his mind, and on top of that Harry saying he wasn't going back to school. He was lost and Draco wasn't used to being lost.

He wasn't used to being out of control, with anything, but right now he was roaming in the dark without a light and he wasn't sure if he could handle it but how could he ask Harry to come back with him and more importantly the two had a conversation to have but they both were doing their best to talk around it which was apparently something Draco didn't want to do as he kept spouting out free information like Harry was begging him for it.

And he wasn't, the Gryffindor hadn't asked for a single thing. Which, to add to everything else, was just as weird. Harry always wanted more, _always._ Draco growled his fist banging against the shower tile which only hurt himself more than anything else his pale skin growing red and bruised already, the blonde sagged back into the water shutting his eyes.

 _I can do this, just... talk to him._ He thought to himself as he leaned into the warm stream, _just calm down and talk to him, it's just Harry out there. He's the nervous one anyway, not you._ It was partially true at least, Harry was nervous - always, just as nervous as Draco was right now.

When he finished his shower he took his time to dress and join the other, it wasn't enough to calm himself but he was working on it though he was thoroughly thrown off when he saw a side door was opened and glanced in to see Harry leaning over a desk in a room stacked and cluttered with books all over the place.

"Feel better?" Harry asked looking up after a moment, "can't sneak up on me, Malfoy."

"I see that, I have yet to."

Harry grinned, "this is the library, I had intended to clean it up over the summer but I spent more time drunk then I did going through the books." He explained, "but I remembered something the other day at school, during Potions. Y'know..." he flushed, glancing away.

"I remember the class I imagine you're talking about."

Harry cleared his throat, "well, uh... anyway," he turned away, "c'mere, you might appreciate it even more than me."

Draco joined him and looked down in question before gasping, "is that a journal by Merlin?!"

Harry chuckled, "I thought you might like it," he took a moment to watch Draco's face light up until the blonde glanced over catching him and quickly shading back to normal, "it's okay to be happy around me, Malfoy."

"Mm," Draco looked back at the journal and reached out touching a page, "it's preserved very well, Potter."

"Most of the books are," he nodded up at the shelves, "I haven't found a bad one yet."

"That's amazing, especially something this old."

Harry shrugged, "Hermione would have a hay-day in here."

"She hasn't been in here?"

"No, not but a few moments," he shook his head, Draco sat on the chair and reached out pulling Harry to his lap feeling the brunette flush instantly his body heat radiating from his back against his chest. Draco ran his fingers up against Harry's shoulders and rubbed them softly before down his side and to his hips kneading his fingers into the others back, "I like when you hold me," Harry whispered, his voice was quiet and Draco knew his eyes were closed. He could tell by the way he didn't turn around.

"Harry," Draco said softly, leaning forward and pushing his lips to Harry's neck, "I was thinking, in the shower..." He started, "how I don't know if we should have come here. I think we should have stayed at Hogwarts."

"Why?"

"You're leaving me," Draco whispered, his fingers moving slowly up and down the tense back before him, "I don't know how to go to school... to Hogwarts... without you, Potter."

"The same as you did every year before me."

"Every year before you was different, I didn't care about what I did or who I was. I was Draco Malfoy, I stood at the top of a pile of bodies Harry and I liked it," he dropped his hand, and Harry shifted so he was sideways on the other's lap and looking at him. "I want to tell you... Harry, uh... Well," Draco frowned deeply, letting out a quiet breath.

"What happened to you, Draco?" Draco took his hand, and brought it to his lips with a kiss, "when you were younger what happened to you?"

"I don't want to talk about that, Potter."

"I know, but I need to know."

"You want to know. It's different."

Harry shook his head, "you won't touch me, Draco, I need to know why. I cross lines and you freak out, I mention how amazing you are and you freak out, I don't do everything you want and you freak out... Draco I picked up a Potion ingredient and you would have thought I was threatening your life." He stood and stepped away from the blonde, "I need you to tell me because I need to understand."

Draco stood as well, "I don't think you need to hear this, Harry, not right now. You're still..."

"I didn't have a nightmare last night," Harry whispered, "for the first time in almost 5 years I didn't have a nightmare."

"That doesn't have anything to do with me."

"That's a lie and you know it," Harry glared at the other, "it had everything to do with you. Everything to do with last night, Draco, for the first time you were honest with me!"

"I wasn't completely honest, Potter."

"It was a start, _Malfoy_."

Draco blinked a few times taken aback by the hateful tone Harry used, but before he could answer a loud pop alerted the two of them that Kreacher arrived, "Harry the food you ordered is here."

"Thank you Kreacher, we'll be down in a moment."

"You ordered food?"

"You didn't eat much," Harry sighed, he was tugging on his bottom lip pulling at the lip ring, he could feel the blood on his lips, "you're always worried about me, I thought I'd return the favor."

"Oh."

He wiped the small amount of blood on his chin and stepped around the other one, "so then it's here." Draco turned, watching him walk away.

* * *

They hadn't talked much more, Draco and Harry. The brunette had been holed up in the living room watching some TV program that Draco had no interest in and he found himself shut up in the library. He didn't want to admit that he missed Harry but he did. So much.

He missed being near him, he missed talking with him, he missed feeling him. He couldn't remember a time the two had been apart since their 'boyfriend boyfriend' relationship started. They had arguments but Harry was always near and Draco was always near. Always within hearing and seeing distance and now they were the only two in the house, save the crazy old elf and they weren't together.

Instead Draco was alone with his thoughts and nothing but the books to distract him and it usually would have worked, but instead all he could think about was last night. He could practically hear Pansy, _stop trying to protect him Draco, you can't._

He could see it all over again the two of them pressed against each other, Harry flushed and nervous.

 _You've never really touched me before?_

There was reasons Draco kept the other at a distance, there were reasons he strayed from the contact. Reasons why he controlled the kisses, reasons he controlled just what they could do - sexually, physically, emotionally. Reasons that involved himself never having that control growing up. Draco tugged on his bright colored hair, blowing out a hard breath before he stood and headed down the stairs.

 _I'm here._

He could still feel Harry holding him, it was quite possibly the first time the man hadn't been nervous when touching him. Draco stopped at the entrance to the den and Harry looked up instantly, he was smirking at the blonde, "you need to be lighter on your feet Malfoy."

Draco almost cringed at being called Malfoy again, he liked it better when Harry called him Draco. "I hope you're not calling me fat Potter, I was about to take my shirt off."

Harry laughed, and leaned back into the couch, "were you?"

"I had the notion you were wanting to... understand?"

Harry blinked, shocked, realizing now that Draco was being serious, "please."

Draco took his time pulling Harry's sweater over his head, almost smiling when Harry let out a displeased sound, "Merlin, calm down Potter." Harry chuckled and shifted, "what do you think the reason is.. I'm curious?"

"The mark."

"I already told you it wasn't about the mark, not completely."

"I don't know then."

Draco frowned, "Harry a couple years ago, you and I had a fight - do you remember that?"

"In the girls bathroom you mean?"

"Yeah," Draco was unbuttoning his shirt and almost had it done as he pulled it out from his pants and his shirt tails clung to his jeans. "Harry, please, don't freak out."

"You're making me nervous, Draco, what's going on?"

The blonde sighed and pushed his shirt open, letting it fall down his arms and to the ground his eyes not meeting Harry who held back his gasp but still stared in shock. There were cuts everywhere, every part of his torso was sliced with small, tiny cuts most over old scars. His body was red around the scars and some looked like a permanent dark red, other cuts were over burns tearing his skin apart in an ugly way. The only part that wasn't encased in the scars was his arms, and the left arm held the mark. Harry didn't know what to say so instead he asked why. .

"Why did you decide to show me?"

"I missed you," Draco spoke honestly, and when Harry met his eyes he didn't shy away or try to hide it. "Can I join you?"

"Is that even a question?" Harry answered moving forward as Draco stepped towards him, he didn't pick up his shirt and eased onto the couch reaching for Harry as soon as he sat back and pulled the man against his bare chest.

"I thought you were a challenge, I had made my mind up before we even left the battle. Before I was taken away. I had made the choice that I was going to befriend you as best I could and try to fix you it was what I wanted."

Draco's voice was quiet and his arm held Harry to himself tightly, his lips against the top of his head and the Gryffindor pressed to his body laying his cheek against his chest hearing the way it vibrated as he spoke while dragging his finger over the scars tracing them. "You stood there when _he_ died, before you collapsed. I wanted to reach out and hold you, pick you up and comfort you and take you away. You have no idea how many times I wished I would have done that over the past month."

"Can you believe it's only be a month?"

"It's been long," Draco agreed, rubbing his arm. "I never got to thank you for everything you've done, Harry, all of it. Fighting for us - even people like _me_ who didn't deserve it, and the Room of Requirement... you pulled me from that room, _me_ of all people. And you destroyed Voldemort and then you show up weeks later at my trial and speak for _me_?" He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, "I don't know why you thought it was a good idea, I don't know why you thought I deserved it. But you were there speaking for me and saving my life again and I didn't know what to do so I called out for you."

"I remember," Harry leaned up suddenly, "I had forgotten that, but I remember now. You said my name... it was the first time you called me Harry."

Draco chuckled, "you didn't even respond, just stared at me."

"I didn't know what to say. I was hungover too."

"I know you smelled terrible," Draco grimaced and felt Harry flushed. "And then you left before I could say anything else. I just... I wish I would have chased after you but I didn't. I couldn't. I'm _me_ and you're you. But then you never showed up, anywhere. I didn't see you in the papers, in the streets, I was _everywhere._ I was looking for you, I out and about doing shit I didn't think I cared about because I thought you would show up. At least once, even if it was just to yell hateful words at me but instead you were gone. I was so scared you weren't going to be at Hogwarts." Draco shut his eyes and shook his head, "I thought you were going to just disappear but it was everywhere. All over the train. _Harry's back!_ " He chuckled softly, "I was just as excited as they were."

"Why wouldn't I save you, Draco?"

"You hated me, I hated you... it's not secret."

"That doesn't mean I wouldn't save you, I will always fight for you." Harry frowned deeply, "don't say it like you're a terrible person, like you're scum. You're not."

"You were so brave, Harry."

The brunette tsked and pressed his hand to Draco's pec with a quiet sigh, "how did you find me, that first night at Hogwarts?"

Draco looked down with a sigh, "I saw where you went, I didn't realize you were going to get wasted or I would have showed up sooner. But Granger was a mess, she was frantically yelling at everyone and sending people off to places. Demanding to know who saw you run out of the hallway but no one knew. No one noticed you left except her and Ron."

"And you?"

"Well, me and Blaise saw you. You had bumped into Pansy, and she was a little upset so naturally threw a fit and it made us look." Draco smiled softly, "I saw where you ran to and knew where it lead."

"What happened after that?"

"Nothing, we went to dinner. We ate, I kept glancing at your table admittedly checking to see if you appeared but you never did Granger was losing her shit," he rolled his eyes, "and when we got back to the conjoined dorms you weren't there people were starting to get worried and annoyed with Hermione so people left to go out looking. I just happened to be the one that found you."

"You were a cocky shit too." Harry chuckled, "all, 'I love your hair Malfoy' and kissing me and calling me cute." Draco shook his head, "but you were different and not just because you were drunk. Everything about you was different. You were shaking, I doubt you noticed, your hands were shaking and your voice was loud. Too loud, like you were unsure of what to say. I had never seen you like that."

Harry frowned and snuggled back in against Draco trailing his fingers over the scars yet again, "I know now it's the thoughts but I didn't at the time, I didn't understand not until you cut your head." He paused to run his pale fingers over the healing scar on Harry's forehead, "when you told me you still heard him it made everything clear."

Harry was chewing on his bottom lip, pulling his lip ring into his mouth with a suck he could feel it coming. He knew it was. Draco's voice had gotten softer, he was speaking slower and he was holding Harry tighter, who was too scared to move to even try to comfort the other.

"I told you some things that night," Draco whispered, "about my past... I had to grow up hungry, if I messed up that's how it was taken out on me at first. And I was locked away from the world, I didn't know anyone aside from Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise and Pansy. They were it, it was the five of us. The five most pure-blood, like a pentacle of evil, Death Eater families. We were supposed to be the ones that held up Voldemort, Harry, we were raised that way. And if we did one thing - even at the ages of 5 or 6 that they didn't see fit we were locked away. We were beat, and not fed until we could explain what was done and how we messed up."

Harry could hear the pain in Draco's voice, he could practically feel it but he couldn't move. He was too scared to move so instead he closed his eyes and gripped Draco's side with a soft hand. "I was trained to hate the world, anyone that wasn't from our little circle was scum. Anyone that wasn't pure-blood was the worst, they were disgusting and deserved to die, deserved to be tortured."

"I can remember the exact day that I stopped fighting it, and started living it and I hate that about myself, Harry. I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have been the person I became." He paused and looked down, "you know why I talk about myself like that.. like I shouldn't have been saved? Because I don't deserve it. I'm not good enough, I'm not good enough to be alive. I did horrible things, I treated people horribly and at some point I stopped being ashamed at that. All the things I do now to make myself feel better are even for a selfish reason, so I can bare to look at myself."

Draco shook his head, letting out a long breath, "I don't know if it is a question where I'll end up when I die Potter, just like it isn't a question where you'll go. You'll be up high and I'll be down low. You saved the world, you saved fucked up people like me."

"It's not good guy, bad guy Draco, it's how we grow. How we live." Harry shook his head, "it's not black and white, living isn't just simple like that."

"It was when I was growing up, and I think that's how it is now. Growing up with my mother and father," Draco's voice was breaking, he was losing his composure now his whole world was crashing down around him and Harry. He had kept quiet for so long it was like a disaster to even break that silence, to stop hiding everything, "mum wasn't a bad person, Harry," he whispered, "she.. she tried to be a good mum, she really did. I heard her cry so many times when my father would take me to his study and hit me if I had embarrassed him in front of his friends and family. I was the one that messed up and I made her cry, it was heart breaking. She used to sneak me snacks, and had the house elves hide small nonperishable food items around the house and in my room so I could eat sometimes."

"Mother was lonely and scared, and my father was a monster. He was the first to suggest that we children get beat when our parents messed up. Said it would give the parents more incentive, but it didn't. Not really, if it didn't benefit them our parents didn't care and they weren't the ones that got punished for breaking the rules, we were. No one liked us kids much. I used to stand up to them all the time, I told them they were wrong that the Muggles weren't bad people or that 'Mud-bloods' didn't deserve to be mistreated, but that wasn't how a Malfoy thought. I was the wrong Malfoy and I was going to die if my mother hadn't spoken for me."

"She took us away when I was 8, until school started. We were in some place - I don't remember where, and we were going to stay there hidden away until school started. She would train me herself, father had said. He made surprise visits and each time it always ended in me getting beat just to remind me that _he_ was the boss, he said."

Draco shivered, he had been dancing around the words for sometime. He had been trying to avoid them, but he was running out of ways to do that. He hadn't thought about it in a while, and he most certainly had never said it allowed. Not until this moment.

"I thought she was healing me," he whispered, "she told me to get undressed, I was cut up and bruised and sore and I thought she was going to heal me. She was supposed to, she's my mum after all." He paused and felt a tear roll down his cheek, taking his time to blow out his breath slowly and take a deep one in, "so I did, I was naked and she asked me if I wanted her to stop the pain. Of course I did, I was 8. Then she said the only way she could do that was if I..." he shook his head, his eyes shut tightly as he trailed off.

Harry shifted slowly, and reached up to thumb the tears away. He wasn't sure if he should say anything or not, he wasn't sure what to say if he had thought he should so instead he stayed quiet and looked.

Draco let out a breath, keeping his eyes closed.

"So I kissed her, and she healed a bruise and then another and she healed another and it went on until there was nothing left to heal and she let me go. I didn't know what to think, I was too young to know what it really meant but I knew it was wrong. I had seen father and mother kiss the way she had just kissed me, and I knew it was wrong." He shuddered, "she started telling lies to him so his surprise visits became weekly, every Friday he would visit and she would tell him I did things or said things and the beatings got worse and then he would leave and she would heal me."

"But as the beatings got worse there was more to heal and more to heal meant... more things I had to do," Draco wasn't even sure he was talking out loud now, he was just saying the words. Speaking through his tears as Harry held him. At some point the two shifted and Harry had pulled Draco to his chest and was rocking him. But the blonde didn't even realize it. He was lost, he was in his own world. He was in his memories.

"By a year the worst had happened, the only way she would heal me was if I - I did everything she asked and everything she asked involved it all..." A long pause wrapped around the two, "it was shortly after that, that she told my aunt. Bellatrix was ruthless, and just as lonely as my mother it seemed."

"After school started I was given a break, but as soon as summer rolled around it was there again and again and after 4th Year we offered the Manor to Voldemort who took it and everything in our life changed, the only good thing about it was the more people that were there meant the less time I had alone with mother. And, when I failed to... kill Dumbledore I had thought that was it for me and I won't lie I welcomed death but it wasn't, Voldemort knew. He knew about my mother and aunt and instead of killing me he watched."

Harry couldn't hold back the gasp this time, it was loud and sudden and he held Draco tightly in his arms, "oh baby," he whispered against the blonde's temple, "I am so, so sorry Draco," he breathed out kissing his pale skin.

But Draco didn't really register the words, he clutched to Harry tighter but he didn't register the words he was saying, "there was no coming back from that." He whispered in a quiet voice, a voice that was a cry for help as he grabbed to Harry trying to hold him as if he wanted to merge their bodies, to hide inside the man, to be safe. To be saved by Harry Potter, once again, "I'm not enough, I wasn't enough."

The two men were all clutches, arms and tears, Harry rocked Draco slowly while rubbing his back and nuzzling against his cheek and Draco was buried against his chest hiding his face as cried, sobbing against the other man.

Harry rocked him slowly, rubbing his bare back, "you _are_ enough, Draco, you _were_ enough."


	8. Chapter 7: Undivided

**A/n:** [PastelHair!Draco/Dom!Draco/Pierced!Harry] Guys, HUGE SHOUT OUT TO MY BETA. This person is legit amazing and I already dig them! Thanks:D ~kiz

 **Warnings:** Depression, drinking **Rated:** MA.

A/U. DracoxHarry. I don't own Harry Potter, how does the image of Draco making Harry scream make you feel though? Good? Got it!

"Do I get the gold chariot? Do I float through the ceiling? Do I divide and pull apart?" - _Jesus Christ_ , Brand New

* * *

"It's lonely," Harry groaned from the couch, he was talking to Kreacher and the elf was doing everything in his power to ignore the man as he walked around the house, "why'd he go back?" Kreacher looked over unsure if he should answer or not and decided against it making a beeline for the door when Harry caught him with a glance, "Kreacher?"

"I don't know, Harry," he sighed, "why didn't you ask him?"

"I didn't think he'd really go," Harry admitted and flopped back over giving the elf leeway to leave. Draco had only been gone a few hours, maybe 4. He left early Monday morning without a good-bye and only left a note that said: **_see you Friday, Potter. Don't drink too much please._**

So when Harry woke he was utterly alone, save the elf. And already four hours later he was going crazy. _I'll write him,_ he thought and jumped up, hurrying upstairs to the library. He took his time pulling out the paper, the letter already forming in his mind as he sat down and got to writing.

 _Why did you leave?_

He stared at the paper, crumpled it up and sighed. _I don't need to be this person! I got through 17 years of my life without him, I don't need him here now._ Granted he had grown used to having him around and more than that he liked having him around. He loved having him around. He wanted nothing more than to be able to go running out of the room and right at him and hug him. Just at the thought he blushed.

Harry pulled his lip ring into his mouth with a slow suck, a shiver coursed through his body starting at his shoulders and ending right there between his hips. He had the absolute intention of the two of them getting down to it this weekend but they had ended up sharing a different type of emotional weekend. One that involved a lot of oversharing, a lot of personal sharing.

Not that Harry didn't appreciate it, of course he did. He understood _his_ Malfoy better, now, way better. He understand that anger that came with him, and the controlling nature he always wore. The way Draco didn't like other people even looking at him, the way Draco shied away from close contact and hid himself and kept his distance.

It all made sense, it was all pieced together and Harry felt comfortable with the information. It meant he could take care of _his_ Draco better. He could make things a small bit easier for the man, for his boyfriend boyfriend. He could ease his doubts and be there for him.

He could focus on comforting Draco rather than the thoughts he had in his mind. He could focus on the fact Draco needed him rather than the fact he needed to address his own situation. He could... well, he could forget his shit. 4 hours down, going strong but how he planned on getting through the next 110 hours, or so, he wasn't sure. At all.

Harry picked up the quill and smoothed out a piece of fresh parchment, **_I miss you. Already. Xx Harry._**

The rest of the day was just as long as the first four hours and by bed time Harry was a mess. Currently he was staring at his flask and pacing back and forth in his bedroom. _I can do this._

 _No, you can't._

He cringed from the thought, it wasn't even his own voice that answered. It was.. Voldemort's, he knew it and after another hiss sounded he pressed his hand to his head. To his newest scar, it had healed up slightly only a little bit of a scab now and with a push he rubbed at the scab feeling it give way and a moment later a trickle of blood slid down his temple. _Ahh._ He breathed out and sagged back with a step.

In his right hand was Draco's response, not at all what Harry thought it would be. And if he was honest he was hurt by it, **_Calm down Potter. It's only five days._**

That was it, nothing else. Harry knew he shouldn't have sent the owl, but he had and that was all he got in response. Not even a signature. Just 7 simple words that Harry could hear in his head. Harry could hear how absolutely annoyed Draco sounded as he wrote it, how he rolled his eyes, and didn't even care enough to sign it with his name.

He felt pathetic.

 _You are pathetic._ His thoughts answered and he pushed harder with his left hand on the scar feeling more blood spill over the split skin. There it was, just forget. _You can't forget me Potter._

"Ugh!" Harry screamed and threw his hands out, chucking Draco's note away before gripping the flask in his hand tightly and taking a long drink. It wasn't until the burn in his throat stopped aching that he finally pulled the flask back and when he did he breathed out heavily, letting out a quiet sigh before falling to the bed.

He grabbed his wand and muttered a cleaning charm on his forehead. He could still feel it bleeding and after trying the healing charm he had a faint memory of Pomfrey saying something about 'dark wounds don't heal' and tossed his wand away in annoyance.

 _It'll just have to bleed._ He thought darkly and at the thought of it his mind went to Severus. As much as he didn't want it to - it did. He could see the man in his mind, dying, begging for him to approach. _You have your mother's eyes._ He had said, holding his face. Harry shut his own eyes and proceeded to pour more Fire Whisky down his throat.

 _Pastel hair,_ he started before taking another drink, _gray eyes._ _My Draco._

He could see him in his mind, he could see the man shaking his head at him. He could practically hear his disgust, _Merlin Potter, think you could manage a day without me?_ He flinched at the thought, he wanted to retort but couldn't think of anything to say so instead he took another drink. _You're so needy.. and you wonder why I left, hm?_ _Pathetic Potter._

Harry growled in anger, raising off the bed, "fuck you Malfoy!" He snapped at no one in particular, obviously since he was alone, and went walking to the library pulling out a piece of parchment as he slugged back another drink. "I'll show you!"

* * *

"Harry wrote again," Blaise smirked at his friend, nodding towards the owl that was swooping down to land.

"How's he doing?" Hermione asked quietly from where her head rested on Blaise's shoulder. Draco had a feeling a little bit more than conversation had happened in that abandoned classroom Friday night*. He shrugged and reached out grabbing the letter from the owl, trading him a piece of bacon.

 _Mundane Malfoy_ was written in the middle before it was scratched out, and _Dumb Draco_ was scribbled below it. Draco looked at the paper in question before opening it. The first thing he noticed was the few drops of blood, the second thing was the length. It was a fair bit longer than his sentimental sentences yesterday at dinner. Which admittedly Draco loved, it made his whole shitty day better.

"Is that blood?" Pansy asked with a point, "Draco, what's it say?"

"I'm about to read it," he snapped and scanned the first sentence.

 _I don't need you Draco!_

"He's mad about something," Draco mumbled, "'I don't need you Draco! Calling me pathetic? I'll bloody show you pathetic! I'll have you know I did just fine without you before and I don't need you now. I can manage more than a day without you, I can manage years. I already have. 17 of them!'"

Draco paused as he read the jumbled writing, "what is he talking about?" Hermione asked, having stood now and peering over the paper as he read, "Malfoy?"

"I don't know, I wasn't with him last night was I? I was here!" Draco answered before he continued, "'I can hear you in there, fuck you! You're a bloody prat. Years, Malfoy! Bloody years without you, I don't need you now!'" Draco shook his head, "I have to go." He said suddenly getting to his feet, "it's like _before_."

"Before?" Ron asked, looking up when Draco stood, "what are you talking about?"

"Before me, like him hearing Voldemort.. I'll let you know how he is," he added and hurried up towards the head table, the other four watching him worriedly. "Professor," he stood in front of the table, glancing at the others, "hey, uh, I need to get to Potter." He knew his voice shook as he said it, and he watched her face go from annoyance to worry within a second, "so, uhm, I don't know when I'll be back."

"Of course," she nodded and stood up, "come on, you can use my Floo." Draco and her hurried out of the Great Hall.

When he came to in the middle of the living room he found the whole place quiet, before a loud pop made him cringe and he saw Kreacher staring at him with two wide eyes, "I tried to calm him down," he said quietly, "but he sent the letter anyway."

"Where is he?"

"Upstairs," Kreacher answered in a quiet voice, "he hasn't been to sleep yet but he's not drinking anymore, I managed to get him to stop."

"Is he okay?" Draco sighed as he took a step forward, "I shouldn't have left him," he added as an afterthought.

"Remission is expected," Kreacher tried, but Draco knew it was just for something to say, he could tell when he looked over and saw Kreacher's worry.

"He'll be fine, I'll make him go back this time," Draco added not really believing himself but he said it anyway because just as much as Kreacher was looking for something to say so was he. Kreacher and him were outside the Library now and Draco glanced over at the elf, "he going to hex me?"

"He doesn't have his wand, he left it in the bedroom."

Draco knocked on the door, and waited, "go away Kreacher!"

"You going to open this door, Potter, or am I going to have to?"

"Draco?" Harry's voice was loud even behind the door and then the door was being thrown open and Draco saw him. He was bleeding, or had been. The dry blood was trickling down the side of his head, a few drops on his chest, Harry had his lip ring in his mouth, tugging at it as he stared.

Draco quirked a brow, "well?"

"Why are you here?"

"You were begging for attention," Draco answered, trying to keep his composure and took a step into the room before he shut the door behind him. Harry stared quietly, his face shading, "so here I am."

"I was drunk... I didn't mean to send that."

"You did mean to send it," Draco reached into his pocket and held out a hangover cure, "drink it."

Harry did, his hand gave a small shake as he reached for the potion and drank it, "thanks."

"I think I left pretty simple instructions, Potter, why couldn't you have just followed them?"

Harry sneered, "piss off."

"That wasn't nice," Draco sighed and stepped closer, closing the distance between the two, "why do you do this?"

"Why'd you leave me?"

"I don't think they're related," Draco answered, "and I didn't leave you, Potter. I went to school."

"Without me."

"Were you going to come?" The Slytherin asked, his eyebrow arched and he watched the man in front of him struggle for an answer, "I didn't think so. I think the more important question is why did you leave me? Why didn't you want to come back?"

"I hate that place," Harry shook his head, "we've already talked about this."

Draco chuckled softly, quietly and reached out taking Harry by the chin, "what do you need, Potter?"

"I need you to kiss me."

Harry always wanted that, he barely ever wanted anything other than that. Ever. It was all he could think about the moment Draco looked at him, that and very little else. Nothing was better than being kissed by Draco Malfoy, in his opinion. Very little. It had been so long, or at least it felt like it had been. A whole entire day, and granted the two had gone longer without kissing Harry couldn't pretend it didn't feel worse this time.

Draco leaned forward and pressed his lips to Harry in a small, sweet peck. "All good?"

"No," Harry shook his head, "I need more."

"You always need more."

Harry smiled, glancing down, "Draco."

"Harry," the man answered, "I need you to do something for me."

"Anything?"

"I need you to come back with me," Draco studied him as he spoke, "because I need you with me, there, I need you to be there and near me. I need you within eyesight, I need you sleeping next to me at night and I need you pissing me off in Potions and avoiding your coursework to read some book."

"No," Harry sighed, "I can't do that."

"What you can do is tell me what you need, Potter, that's what you can do like I just did."

"Draco!" Harry cried out in annoyance stepping back, "I need you here with me! I need you with me, I need you to be near me, and sleeping next to me and pissing me off with stupid conversations like this and.. I don't know, you pretending like you don't know what I'm _really_ asking for."

"What are you asking for?"

"You," Harry breathed out, "you, just like I have been all weekend."

Draco thought back to Sunday, the two of them spending the day together - awkwardly, he'd admit it. He had been an awkward arse, he had avoided getting too close and being too much because he had been embarrassed with himself. He thought back to Harry walking around practically naked, Harry lounging around the house like he owned the place - _and he did, sure, but he didn't have to_ act _like it!_

And Harry even offering to share his shower with Draco, and Harry who had started touching himself in the shower when Draco stood there contemplating. Harry who was attempting to push boundaries, and Merlin did Draco find it so attractive. So absolutely, 100% sexier than anything in the whole entire world. But he had hid from it all day and left without a goodbye.

"You didn't sleep last night?"

"I couldn't," Harry took the seat at the desk, hunching forward against his knees, "I kept hearing _him." And as he said that he ran his hand over his scar with a small probe, "whatever."_

Draco quietly watched his boyfriend and then with a heavy sigh he loosened his tie undoing it, "Harry," he started pulling his tie over his head, "why don't we take a shower?"

When Harry looked at him Draco was unbuttoning his shirt, the black button up was not tucked in and Draco was moving his fingers deftly over the buttons, "hm?"

"A shower," Draco said again, dragging his eyes over the other man, "you need to get cleaned up."

"O-oh," Harry nodded, and stayed still just watching. He had a course of nerves push through his body and he bit his bottom lip as he studied Draco.

Who was watching Harry flick his lip ring, the ring sliding through his skin, it was almost unnoticeable but Draco saw it, "now would be ideal."

"Right," Harry jumped up stumbling over his feet, which Draco pretended not to see but found adorable, and stepped to the door pulling it open, "a shower."

Draco followed pulling his undershirt out as he walked and when the two were in the bathroom together he started to undress completely, laying his shirt over the large sink and with nervous breath he closed his eyes and pulled his undershirt off. His last line of defense. Harry stared at the man, his mouth open and his face shading as his eyes roamed over the other's body, "Harry, you have to focus," Draco spoke up and Harry blinked jerking back realizing the man was much closer than just a moment ago.

 _Is he touching me?!_ Harry realized he was in fact, Draco's fingers wrapped around the waistband of his shorts about to pull them down. "Don't!" He screamed, much louder than he intended, and swatted at Draco's hands, "please don't!"

"What?" Draco smiled, he had seen. How could he not?

"I'm uh... hold on." Harry turned around and shut his eyes, trying to think of anything other than the fact Draco was practically naked in front of him. _Hagrid... beard... I wonder how Draco wou-_ Harry blew out his breath, his eyes still tightly shut and he shook his head, _uh... anything but, oh Ron._ He nodded, _Ron and his red hair and.. hell, he's really filled out la-. Oh no, stop._ "Maybe this wasn't a good idea!" Harry said over his shoulder, to see an amused Draco looking at him as he leaned against the counter.

"What were you doing?"

"Trying to distract myself," Harry admitted through a quiet voice.

"From?"

"You!"

Draco smirked, "what was it you thought of?"

"Hagrid."

Draco blinked, clearly not expecting that, "and that didn't work?" He was a little offended if he was honest.

"No, it was but then I thought about you with a beard and..." Harry flushed, rubbing his hands over his own chin as if he was picturing it right now, "it's cute."

The blonde laughed again, "and then what?"

"Ron."

Draco waited, as if there was going to be part two like there had with Hagrid but when Harry said nothing Draco's smile fell, "oh.. Weasley does it for you?!" He growled out, a bit angry. Harry started to talk but was shut up with one withering look from Draco, "get in the shower Harry."

"It wasn't like that!"

"Just _Weasel_ with his stupid red hair?" Draco continued, stepping closer to the man, "get in the shower."

"Draco," Harry was practically begging, "honestl-!"

"If you don't get undressed and in the shower Harry Potter I'm going to lose my cool," Draco whispered. When he pulled back Harry was doing just that, stripping his shorts off and without even a second to be embarrassed about his erection still growing, the more Draco talked, he jumped into the warm stream of water.

Not even two seconds later Draco was right behind him. Harry wanted to look, Draco had seen him naked so many times (or at least three times) but before he could even look Draco had his chin between his fingers. "You know what Potter," the blonde started, directing the man's eyes to his, "you're never going to think of him the same way again when I'm through with you."

"Draco I didn't mean to upset you," Harry tried, his nerves were back and even though it was awkward he was thinking about his best friend while being pressed up against the shower wall by his boyfriend he was hot and bothered.

"Upset me?" Draco laughed, though he didn't smile, "you didn't _upset_ me Potter," he said softly, "you did make me want to ruin every fucking image you have of that bloody man." Harry swallowed nervously and felt the shower wall behind him, Draco stretching his neck back so it was exposed and his lips pressed to Harry's throat giving it a playful kiss. "You're mine," Draco growled out against Harry's throat before sinking his teeth in with a rough bite and suck. Harry groaned loudly, shutting his eyes and feeling Draco's hand wrap around his length.

"Oh Merlin," Harry gasped, his legs giving way and if Draco hadn't been holding him he would have slipped to the ground. But Draco was, holding him right in place between his body and the wall. It was only the second time in his life he had been touched by someone else, both times by Draco Malfoy and Harry couldn't think of any better way to shower.

Draco stroked his length with a slow hand giving his wrist a small twist, he could feel Harry scrambling for his footing, "where did you fail to feel disgust?" Draco asked darkly, quietly, his lips against Harry's ear.

"It's not what I m-meant!" Harry tried, finally righting his feet again he shuddered into the wall trying to calm down.

"Tell me," Draco demanded, biting his earlobe, and stroking him faster.

"H-his chest!" Harry gasped out, his eyes were tightly shut and his neck was strained before the hold Draco had on him. And as he said it, it flashed into his mind making him blush again. He could feel Draco's eyes on him but it was too late, it was said and now that it was the image just kept flashing into his mind each time Draco let the warm water beat down on the head of his cock before his hand covered it.

"His chest?" Draco mused and nudged the man's jaw with his nose, tracing the distinct cut of it, "the way he filled out?" Despite disliking the man it was noticeable, muscle was where it hadn't been before. His chest had grown broader and it seemed he wasn't the only one that had noticed, granted Draco hadn't thought about it at length where as _his_ boyfriend had and that was enough to make him jealous.

Draco pressed his lips to Harry and took a kiss from him, sucking his lip ring into his mouth with a hard suck and grazed his teeth over the metal tugging lightly, he felt Harry moan rather than heard. His hands were finally gaining confidence and they slid over Draco's body clutching for him. "Open those eyes, baby," Draco demanded and they met. Two wild green eyes, and two dark gray eyes, "look at me when you cum." Harry nodded deftly and dug his nails into Draco's side trying to hang on. He was close, so close. Draco's strokes turned long, and his hand tightened just slightly as he moved up and down the length, "cum Harry."

And Harry did, just like Draco demanded. Their eyes locked, with Draco's name spilling from his lips just like his cum was spilling over the pale hand wrapped around him, "Draco," he breathed out loudly with a shudder.

"Mm," Draco kissed him softly, and dropped his hand thrusting it into the water to wash off the cum. He kept Harry against the wall, his left hand still stretching his neck and he ran his thumb over the side of Harry's throat, "I marked you." He said it rather nonchalantly, just in passing before he stepped back and let the other stand on his own, "so you understand just how much of mine you are."

Harry blushed, he felt he should be mad but instead he felt sexy, leaning forward he slid against Draco's chest, "do I get to touch you?"

"No," Draco shook his head, Harry could feel the weight of the answer and he peeked up in question, "I'm not ready for that."

"Oh," Harry nodded and shifted, leaning towards the water before letting Draco direct him to sit down, "Draco, can I ask you something?"

"Of course," Draco gave his shaggy hair a pet, "tilt back for me."

Harry did, shutting his eyes and letting Draco get his hair wet, he felt a large squeeze of shampoo join as well, "Pansy mentioned something about your past..."

"I remember."

"How come I'm different?"

"What do you mean?" Draco hadn't thought Harry was, over all, it all started the same way. The challenge, the past time and it had turned into more but he didn't think Harry was completely different. He still did things quite similar.

"Well, didn't you let other people touch you?" He asked with a quiet voice, looking up as Draco washed his locks. He was taking his time giving each section attention, his long pale fingers pulling through the thick mess and massaging his scalp.

"No," he shook his head, then frowned down at Harry, "I don't think we should talk about my past uh... relationships?"

"Why not? It's in the past, I don't mind."

"I _do_ mind."

"Oh," Harry nodded, "sure."

Draco watched him. Harry leaned back against his legs, unmoving and relaxing into his soft touches, "they were typically tied up." Draco sighed, speaking softly, one day he wouldn't give him everything he wanted. Today was not that day. "So they couldn't touch me."

"Why?"

"I didn't want them to, I didn't want to feel them," he shrugged, speaking honestly. "I wanted them to stay in their place, that's it." Draco leaned forward and turned off the overhead, before sinking down to join Harry. He pulled the brunette back against his body and then continued massaging his scalp.

"Why didn't you do that with me?"

Draco chuckled dropping his hands into the warm water that was filling in the tub now and found the washcloth, which he was using on Harry's hair to rinse. "It didn't feel right, I don't know. When I looked at you, Harry, I knew I wanted this to start but I didn't even think about any of that stuff with you. I didn't want to, you weren't meant for that."

"So, I _was_ different."

Draco smiled and rested his chin over Harry's hair, holding the man close to himself, "you've always been different, Potter, it was like looking at you from afar. You were so small and fragile and you needed me but I also needed you. I hadn't felt that before."

"I think I'll always need you," Harry said with a flushed face, glancing over his shoulder at the other.

"It always takes so long for you to tell me what you need," Draco answered, having shifted when Harry did.

Harry giggled quietly, and reached forward to turn the water off - the tub was rather full by now. "I'll go back with you, Draco."

"Are you sure?"

"It's where you want to be, and I want to be with you."

Draco frowned, "I don't need it, y'know? That place, I mean."

Harry shook his head, "no, you don't. I don't either. But, it'll be fine. I can deal with it for the year."

"You barely got through one month."

Harry frowned sitting silently a second, "I would literally rather face Voldemort again then go back to that place."

Draco ran his hands through Harry's hair and gave it a small tug, "why don't we take a break? From all of it?" He whispered while pressed right up against him, "we could go to France or Japan or Italy... Merlin, anywhere you want Potter. We could stay here, locked away from the world for all I care. I don't need some school to tell me I can do magic when I know perfectly well I can."

"What?" Harry turned around so fast water splashed over the sides of the tub and he looked at Draco with two wide, green eyes, "you mean that? Like, _with_ me?"

"Where else was this going?" Draco scoffed with an eye roll, "I hated one night without you, how am I supposed to do five of them?"

* * *

Harry's scream sounded through the whole house and had Draco to his feet and out of the chair before it even ended. He couldn't think straight, if he had been he wouldn't have yelled his name. He wouldn't have stood there in the dark of the hallway trying to think, trying to orient himself, he wouldn't have kicked the wrong door open as another scream sounded. And when he did get his bearings in order as another blood-curdling scream echoed through the house he wouldn't have practically matched it.

"Harry!" He yelled throwing the bedroom door open and flashing the light of his wand over the man who was in bed but the sound of everything had him on his own feet with his wand out as well.

" _Stupefy_!" Harry yelled immediately, as soon as the light hit him, and sent Draco flying back against the wall behind him.

Draco flopped down, unconscious.

The room grew quiet, Harry blinking a few times as he came to fully waking up, "oh shit," he whispered and ran forward, scrambling over the bed. " _Rennervate_!" He said pointing his wand at his unconscious boyfriend, who stirred slightly blinking a few times as he came to. "Draco, are you okay?" Harry jerked him up into his chest and held him tightly, "oh Merlin are you okay?"

"Stop shaking me," Draco growled and shoved at Harry with a hard push, jerking away.

"Draco, stop," Harry pleaded grabbing for him again, "please."

Draco heard his voice break, and turned to face him better pushing his hand through his own dyed hair as he studied him, he saw the tears falling and leaned out wiping one off his cheek, "I thought your go to spell was _Expelliarmus_?"

Harry laughed, despite himself, his smile breaking through immediately, "I'm so sorry."

"Are you okay?"

"I just... I heard yelling? Was that you too?"

"What?" Draco asked, his eyebrows hitching up, "I...?"

"Were you screaming?" Harry asked again, his eyes scanning over him, "are you okay?"

"Harry," Draco stared at him in shock, his voice betraying him. He was trying to think of something, anything, but it was failing him. "Wasn't uh... me," Draco shook his head, "must have just been in your head? Your dream?"

"Then why were you yelling my name? Why'd you kick in the door?" Draco mouthed, his eyes growing wide trying to think of anything to say. Harry spoke up, "Kreacher? Is he okay?"

"Everyone is fine, Potter," Draco quickly stood and reached out for Harry, "let's get you back to bed."

"I'm awake now," Harry muttered, taking his hand and standing.

Draco glanced at his wristwatch, "it's almost three in the morning."

"Haven't you been to bed yet?"

"I lost track of time," he said truthfully, glad the conversation had shifted, "but we should get some sleep." He pulled Harry closer, and directed him back to the bed. "Lemme get changed."

Harry looked at him quickly, smiling, "I could help you?"

"What?"

Harry was blushing, and he lifted a shoulder biting at his lip ring. "Uh, like... c-change?"

Draco laughed softly, "Merlin Potter, it's hard to believe just a month ago you were all innocent and uncorrupted."

"Look at what you've done to me."

"What I've done to you?" Draco rolled his eyes, shaking his head, "I haven't done anything, Potter, last I checked you were all sorts of dirty thoughts on your own." He leaned closer to the man, cupping his cheek, "ah, look at those adorable nerves the moment I touch you. You almost had me convinced."

Harry stuck his tongue out and turned around, "fine." Draco smirked after him, and pulled the sweater off of himself and laid it over the desk chair, "I bet Molly will make you one," Harry said watching Draco strip his jeans.

"Why would she?"

"Because you were wearing mine." He shrugged, "and it'll be your own."

Draco turned around, taking a pair of sleeping pants out of the drawer and pulling them on, over his boxers. "If you don't want me to wear your sweaters, I won't, Potter."

"I didn't say that!" Harry laughed and crawled up on the bed, laying back over the covers with a quiet hum as he watched.

Draco sighed softly, getting dressed before he joined him. He slid up next to Harry and after a short minute he reached out and pulled Harry towards him, "as annoying as it is.. I missed your humming."

Harry gasped, "you think my humming is annoying?"

"What do I do that annoys you? Make it even." The blonde suggested, dragging his thumb over Harry's face tracing his cheekbones and nose down across his lips.

"You hide things." Harry answered, shutting his eyes and shivering before pressing his lips out with a kiss to Draco's thumb. Draco drug his thumb over the lip ring and felt it give against his thumb as it rolled.

"I could see that being annoying," he murmured softly, his breath brushed against Harry's face which blushed instantly and he turned towards Draco, leaning towards him.

"Very annoying."

Draco smiled watching Harry, glad his eyes were closed so he couldn't see. As he looked down at him he thought back to the dream, _I should tell him the truth... I'm going to have to eventually. He's going to have to know about his dreams._

Draco, can I have a kiss?"

The blonde watched, his eyes still shut and he leaned forward his breath washing over his lips. Before his own pressed to Harry's and gave him a hard kiss. He pulled Harry closer, nuzzling their faces together. He rubbed his cheek against the others and dragged his lips along Harry's jaw.

The Gryffindor breathed out roughly with a small sigh, "you make me so happy," Harry whispered, blushing.

Draco faltered, pulling away slightly and quickly fell back into check, "that's what I'm for," he said softly lying on his back, "good night Potter."

Harry flashed his eyes open, his face shading and he stared after Draco, "good night?" He had thought they were making progress or at least making out. They hadn't done that in so long.. ever? Maybe? Harry wanted intimacy. He needed it. He needed something to fill the void in his chest, in his mind, he needed something to ease his thoughts but as he watched Draco pull away all he could do was think it, _pathetic Potter. Needy, clingy, pathetic Potter._

Harry laid back on his side, rolling away quietly and wrapping his arms around himself trying to quiet it all.

 _Pathetic Potter. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic._

He waited until the soft snore, that Draco swore he didn't do, escaped him and got up grabbing his glass flask sneaking out of the room.

 _Who could want you...? Pathetic Potter._

* * *

 **A/n:** ** Sooo the little asterisk _**might**_ just mean to be on the look out for a deleted scene of BlaisexHermionexRonald. Just might. Heh.


	9. Chapter 8: Imperforated

**A/N:** Yo. Be sure to check out my latest post, "Deleted Scenes From A Fanfic Kiz Wrote". The night in the abandoned classroom is there. I just had to write something, it was in the back of my mind.

 **Warnings:** Ah. Just the emotional roller coaster of depression for Harry.

A/U. HarryxDraco. I don't own Harry Potter or Draco Malfoy or the works, who knows just what I would do if I did. (I think all of you might, tbh.)

 _"'Cuz my bright, is too sly, to hold back all my dark..._ _"  
_ -Brand New, _Jesus Christ_

* * *

Draco had thought things would be better for Harry with him there, the man had only gone on and on for the past month and half about how much he just wanted Draco and now he had him and things seemed to be worse.

He was doing it again. Sneaking off to drink, like Draco didn't know and sneaking drinks throughout the day always riding the line between tipsy and sober and he did absolutely nothing productive. The man laid around in sweat pants sipping whisky and watching TV, he barely ate, and just after a week it was starting to show. Draco had even resorted to just offering ice cream but after a few times Harry started turning up his nose to that as well.

The only time Harry showed any resemblance of getting better was when Draco would pop in, just like he was doing now. He was peeking into the front room where Harry laid watching TV.

"Harry," Draco started and watched the man look up with a wide smile, "do you have plans tonight?"

"No?" He was laughing, something that always made Draco's heart skip a beat - or two.

"Well, I was wondering if I could take you out? On a proper date?"

Harry's smile grew wide and practically all his teeth showed, "yes! I've never been on a date before!"

"Really?" Draco lifted a brow, "well, then I will write Pansy and Blaise and tell them it's not going to be a group date."

"Everyone was gonna come?" Harry's smile was falling, "I uh.. that's okay," he shrugged before turning back to the TV.

Draco sighed and stepped into the room, looking down at Harry, "if you don't want them to, Harry, they won't. Pansy wrote this morning begging to see you and I figured you might want to?"

"It's fine, Draco." Harry didn't look at him, his eyes stayed on the TV and Draco watched him run his hands over his sweats dragging his nails against the material. "I miss her too."

"Well the five of them are going to be here this afternoon, their last class is at two - remember?"

"Yeah?"

"We could always hangout with them tomorrow?"

"Draco," Harry groaned, "shut up, it's fine."

The blonde blinked, before nodding, "right, okay, it's fine."

"Fine."

He sunk down on the couch, behind Harry and reached out for the man pulling him back against his chest, "c'mere, Potter?"

"What?"

"Let me hold you," Draco answered, pulling the man against his body. He ran his hands over his chest, tracing a finger across Harry's muscles, "so, you being shirtless is a thing, hm?"

"It is," Harry shivered into the touches, his eyes shutting.

"It's nice, you're quite attractive," Draco mused kissing his cheek before relaxing back. "Are you sure about this?"

"I'm sure," Harry nodded, "it'll be fine."

"You want to know something?"

Harry shifted carefully and glanced up at the other, "what?"

"I think Hermione and Weasley slept with Blaise."

"What?!" Harry's eyebrows raised in shock, his eyes grew wide, "are you serious?"

"Yeah, that night we came here I walked in on the two of them..." Draco started, "and then when I went to find you," he chuckled and met Harry's eyes with a playful smile, "Blaise snuck into the abandoned classroom they were in."

"Oh Merlin," Harry whispered, his whole face was red at just the very thought, Draco watched in amusement while stroking his hair, "how do you think that worked out?"

"I don't really want to imagine the three of them bent over a desk, Potter."

Harry giggled and ducked his head, "how were they? On Monday?"

"No one said anything," he twirled a piece of Harry's dark hair around his finger, "but Hermione was sitting between the two and she laid her head on Blaise's shoulder."

"I always thought Ron was the jealous type..." Harry was speaking quietly and gave Draco a shy look, "kinda like you."

"Don't compare me to that buffoon, Potter, seriously."

"He happens to be one of my friends!" The brunette gasped in defense.

"Some friend," Draco rolled his eyes and gave Harry's hair a tug, "he's not here for you, is he? He hasn't been writing to check on you, Hermione either. They demand you be better and when you aren't they leave you." Harry pulled back at the words the other was saying, his face shading and his eyes hard and dark. "You've even said so yourself they don't see you as a person, they see you as Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived."

Draco didn't know why he was saying it, as he said it he was wishing he could stop but he didn't. He just kept talking. He just kept saying it, it was coming out too fast. His mind drifting over Harry's friends and all they didn't do for him. All they weren't doing for him.

"You'd have thought, hanging out with me would have thrown them into overdrive but it didn't and when was the last time they asked you how you were? When was the last time the both of them took a moment out of their demanding and busy lives to check on you?" He asked, shaking his head, "I can't think of any, at least in the past month."

"Stop." Harry's voice was tight, quick and hit Draco like a truck. It was the only thing that could make him stop, not the fact Harry was recoiling, or the fact he was close to tears and shaking. The only thing that made him stop was the tone in Harry's voice, "they gave me everything, Malfoy."

"Did they?"

"A whole year of their lives, they gave that to me."

"Last I checked, Potter, you gave all of us your life."

"What is this about?" Harry growled, he could feel it building as they talked. The voices, the voices in the back of his head. He needed a drink and quick or they were going to be whispering in his ear.

Draco grabbed the flask before Harry could and held it tightly, "stop drinking and think."

"Piss off Malfoy," Harry sneered, scrambling to his feet and glancing around the room.

Pathetic Potter and his alcohol. The voice hissed and Harry shuddered from the sound, at just the mention of the war he could see it. It was like flash after flash. The bodies, the mangled environment, he could see the spells flying and he could hear the screaming. Give me Harry Potter... and no one will die.

But he hadn't given himself up, instead he ran. He hid. He fought from the back lines, Harry could have given himself up sooner and maybe more people would have lived. Maybe Tonks and Lupin would be there to raise their own son, and Molly wouldn't have lost a son and maybe he wouldn't be facing what he was.

And maybe Draco… Maybe they would have had a normal relationship and he wouldn't have fucked it all up.

You're a coward, Potter. The voice hissed, a coward that drinks to forget, a coward that pushes everyone away, a coward that is trying to destroy the only person he's ever loved.

I could have saved him, Harry thought softly turning two wide green eyes to Draco who was watching him quietly, I could have saved him.

Draco edged towards Harry and reached out, offering his arms, "Pot- Harry?" He wanted to apologize, he shouldn't have said it at all. Harry needed to hear it, just like he needs to hear about his dreams, but he shouldn't have said it or at least the way he did. Harry looked at him and then he fell into his hold with a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry, Harry, I shouldn't have said it."

Harry shook his head, burying his face against his neck. Draco could feel his tears already, Harry had been extra emotional lately almost irrationally so. "I could have saved you."

"What?"

"I could have saved you," he whispered, and gripped to the man tighter, "I'm so sorry."

"Stop, Potter that wasn't what it was at all."

"I could have."

"You couldn't have," Draco whispered, shutting his eyes with a frown, "that was nothing to do with you."

"I could have been better," Harry whispered, "I could have given myself up, I could have stopped fighting so hard and gave him what he wanted."

"That wouldn't have helped anyone," Draco shook his head, "we wouldn't be here being dysfunctional if you had done that."

"We could have been normal!"

"We wouldn't have been anything," he whispered against Harry's ear, "we would have been absolutely nothing. You would have been dead and I would have been living through that nightmare and I would have never known this feeling."

"What feeling?"

"This, right here," Draco whispered and held Harry tighter, "I would have never known just how amazing you feel in my arms and how much I can love someone. I would have never known I could love someone, and I'm sorry I said that about your friends, I shouldn't have."

Harry pulled back and glanced up, his eyes wide, "you love me?"

"What?"

"You said 'love someone'...? You love me?"

Draco felt himself blush and Harry watched the color flash over his pale skin, "uh, well?"

"You love me." Harry whispered, he felt elated at the words. It was like a shock to his system as if he had just jumped into an ice pond, he shuddered and closed his eyes with a small smile. A smile that slipped almost as soon as it formed, "why didn't they write?" He whispered to Draco, the emotion took him over almost instantly, "why do they always do this?"

"I don't know, baby," Draco whispered and pulled Harry back into his hold, hugging him tightly. Harry was so damn emotional and Draco didn't understand how to combat it, how to handle it. "I bet it's because Pansy has written every day," he started and shut his own eyes, forming another lie, "and I'm sure they thought she was adding in sentiment for them all, you know how self-centered she can be sometimes?"

Harry nodded deftly, "I love you too, Draco Malfoy."

"I know," Draco chuckled, laying his cheek against Harry's hair, "you talk in your sleep."

"What?"

"You said it the first night we slept together."

Harry was blushing more than he ever had, he was mortified, "I did not!"

"You did, I remember that night for very different reasons than you do." Draco whispered, kissing the re-healing scar that was resting over the old lightning bolt on Harry's forehead.

"What do you mean?" The brunette groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"I was pissed at first, when you started talking. It was all jumbled and soft and then you reached out for me," Draco paused and glanced down when he felt Harry looking at him, "I don't know if it was for me, or at least I didn't, I just thought you were looking for comfort so I took your hand and you said six words very clearly; pastel hair, gray eyes, Draco Malfoy."

Harry gasped and with a quick tug he had his lip in his mouth giving it a rough bite.

"Calm down," Draco shook his head, taking Harry by the chin and pulling his lip down to let the lip ring go. A small amount of blood pooled in the bottom of the piercing, "it was sweet, no one had ever said my name like that and then you rolled over to my chest and slept. I couldn't make out everything, and after you were on my chest you really started quieting down until the nightmares started. And they were loud, angry just mostly grunts. I didn't know what to do, so I just started brushing your hair back and you fell quiet almost instantly, but that's when you said it."

Harry was watching him closely, leaning against his hand and flushed, "you said my name a few times, they were quiet, just a lot of 'Draco' kept getting whispered and then you said, 'I love you'."

"Oh Merlin..."

"It was the best thing I'd heard in a long time." Draco smiled, despite himself, "it made me feel giddy, I couldn't go back to sleep."

"I remember I woke to you staring at me and stroking my hair."

Draco rolled his eyes, "one for romance, Potter."

"Lucky you, hm?"

"If you say so." Draco gave him a proper kiss, before leaning back into the seat, "you should go get dressed your friends will be here soon."

"Our friends," Harry answered but made no move to get up as he rested his chin against Draco's chest.

"Fine, our friends. Go get dressed."

"I'm comfortable."

"You're a brat," Draco smirked at the others flushed face, "I know what you're doing, it isn't going to work Potter."

"I'm not doing anything," Harry shrugged.

Draco smirked, "trying to show off for your boyfriend? He'll be here too, y'know."

"Wh-what?"

"Weasel. Don't tell me you already forgot?" Draco leaned forward and flashed a dark grin at Harry, "look at that face, all blushes and no words. He's into groups now, it seems, you might be able to work your way in?"

"Draco!" Harry blushed brightly and moved to get up, "stop it!"

Draco turned with him watching as he marched out of the room, "I won't stand in the way of your happiness, Potter, calm down," he winked when Harry turned to glare.

The five showed up just after three, Harry was still getting showered and dressed and Draco saw to entertaining the group. Well, everyone except Pansy who went up the stairs the moment she got inside for Harry. Draco smiled fondly at the gesture, and looked at Hermione and Ron who were making themselves comfortable in the front room without even asking about him, some friends...

"How's it been here?" Neville spoke up quietly, holding Pansy's jacket in one hand, his other shot out between himself and Draco and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"Quiet, Harry's been catching up on Muggle TV I guess."

"And you?" Blaise arched a brow, frowning softly.

"Cleaning and reading, I'll have to show you the library tomorrow..." Draco smiled at his friend, "it's amazing, I bet there are a few rare finds for Herbology as well, Longbottom."

"Really?" Neville smiled, "I'm in with that."

"How is Harry?"

"Honestly..." Draco paused to think it over, thinking through his wild erratic emotions that were getting more and more unstable and his dreams that were getting worse and how he was pulling away from Draco who was just trying to cling to him and keep him grounded. "He's been drinking again, but I think it's just stress. He's okay."

Neville frowned, nodding, "I'm gonna hit the head."

"Sure, on the left." When the other two were left alone in the parlor Draco gave Blaise a serious look, "he wants to know why Pansy is the only one that's wrote?"

Blaise glanced away, over to Hermione and Ron, and then with an uncharacteristically serious look he frowned, "I don't know Draco, they just don't?"

"That's bullshit." Draco practically growled.

"Alright boys," Pansy interrupted, stepping down the stairs, "let's go!"

"Where are we going?" Blaise questioned, giving her a raised brow and smirk. His mood changing, the seriousness of his previous conversation forgotten.

"Dinner, walking and maybe a movie, Harry mentioned a theater not far from here."

"Where is Harry?" Blaise asked slipping his arm over her shoulder as she joined their conversation.

Pansy glanced up the stairs, "coming, he was messing with his hair."

"Messing with his hair?" Neville asked, quirking a brow, "that's weird."

"Not everyone is such a natural beauty," Harry rolled his eyes as he came stomping down the stairs adjusting his leather jacket.

"Did you brush your hair?" Blaise laughed softly and reached out for Harry the moment he stepped off the last step and gave him a tight hug, "looks good Harry."

"Thanks," Harry shifted patting Blaise's back slowly, he wasn't really used to hugs and he most certainly wasn't used to them from Blaise. Draco and him didn't really hug all too often, as much as it was subtle touches especially in front of people. Pansy had hugged him, because she was always a touchy person.

"It was just a hairbrush," Draco reached out jerking the two apart, "and he doesn't need your arms around him to understand he looks good, Zabini."

Blaise laughed and glanced towards the front room, "'Ey you two!"

Ron jumped up, "'Arry!" He greeted the man and joined the others quickly, Hermione in tow, "place looks great."

"Thanks, Ron.. Draco's done most of the work actually." Harry shrugged and gave a small, fleeting smile to Hermione, "Hey 'Mione."

"Hey Harry," she smiled, "you doing okay?"

Draco tensed at the question, narrowing his eyes. How dare they? But before he could scream the question at her, Harry wrapped his hand around Draco's and gave his arm a tug, "perfect." Harry nodded his eyes on Draco, "you have a date to take me on, c'mon?"

The Slytherin smirked and pushed his free hand through his pastel colored hair, letting it fall over the side the of his face, "you're always so bossy when we have an audience." He whispered against Harry's ear, sliding his arm over Harry's shoulder and kissing his temple.

Harry chuckled, his face growing pink, "Draaaaco."

"There it is, all those nerves I love," he fell into step behind the others as Pansy led the way with Neville. "How about this? Feel better they're all here?"

"Sure," Harry gave a small smile, nuzzling against Draco as they walked, "it'll be a long night."

Draco agreed with that more than he wanted to, "look at that?" He asked in shock with a nod towards Hermione and Blaise hand-holding, "looks like I was right."

"Ron doesn't even care..." Harry whispered, seeing his oldest friend chatting with Neville. "Things are so different just after a week."

"Well," Draco grinned, "things have been different for a while, Potter."

"Yeah," Harry nodded and turned to Draco, pulling the two to a stop, he gave him a soft look his eyes growing wide. "We uh... we defeated a Dark Lord."

"You did," Draco whispered, giving him a curious look.

"It's a different world." Harry was speaking softly and he reached out for Draco's hand, "why can't I be happy?"

"You can," Draco chuckled, and leaned forward kissing him on the lips, letting his tongue slide over Harry's lip ring. "You got three great friends up there, two okay friends, and literally the world's best boyfriend, boyfriend right by your side. I think happiness is an okay thing to feel right now, Potter."

Harry laughed loudly, catching his friend's attentions that were almost at the end of the street. His head fell back with the laughter and his shoulders shook with it, "I do have the world's greatest boyfriend, boyfriend."

"Lucky you, Harry."

The man turned two bright green eyes to Draco, giving his lip ring a small flick, "I think Spain sounds lovely."

"Really?" Draco tilted his head excitedly, "I've never been, it'll be something we can share together."

"No one else?"

Draco smirked, taking Harry by the chin and giving him a serious look, "all mine Potter. Always."

* * *

Pansy was lying next to Harry, as soon as they got back from dinner and the movie the two had been inseparable. Neville was tucked into the library with Hermione, which Draco was going to join but two seconds with the girl he got annoyed and headed out, taking Blaise with him.

Harry and Pansy were laying on the couch together, now, both practically intertwined as she petted his hair and he laid his cheek against her chest, "I was worried about you."

"Why?" Harry asked shutting his eyes as they talked.

"I love Drake, but I was worried he wouldn't been treating you right." Harry scoffed, "no, no," she started quickly, "not him being bad, I just mean with your... problems. I didn't figure he'd handle it well at all."

"Oh," the brunette smiled, "sometimes he doesn't, I crave affection I know that about myself and he never gives it to me." He sighed, "but I'm trying to deal with it."

"Have you told him?" Pansy questioned as she stroked his hair, letting his wavy, and for once tamed, locks slide through her fingers slowly.

"That I want affection?" Harry laughed quietly, "hardly. We don't do that stuff."

"I thought you said you guys had been talking more?"

"Well sure," he shrugged, "he told me about his past and things but overall, being sweet isn't really his thing I don't think."

"I find that hard to believe," Pansy grinned, "he's very romantic, didn't he offer to take you to Spain the first time you two talked?" She glanced down feeling him blush and Harry looked up, "I think you're just too scared."

"I have a right to be!" He gasped quietly, dropping his voice, "Pans I have tried everything to come onto him! It's so maddening, and he's so... I don't know proper? Not at all like you said he was."

She laughed softly, pushing him back in place, "you're different, remember? When you wrote me about the shower... I don't know, I feel like he loves you?"

"He said he did today."

Pansy squealed loudly and jerked Harry up to look right at her so the two were nose to nose, chest to chest, "wh-?"

"Are you two okay?" Draco asked, peeking into the front room with Ron and Blaise in tow. The three men staring at the two intertwined on the couch with wide eyes.

"Uh..."

"...Oh."

Draco was across the room and had his arms around Harry; picking him up as if he was a child, he had lost a considerable amount of weight over the week again, and turning around to put him on his feet behind him, "get - your- own!"

Harry flushed bright red, "sorry Pans." He muttered, which was obviously the very wrong thing to say because Draco turned and fixed him with a glare and Harry backed up, "calm down."

"I'll show you calm, Potter," Draco snapped, "what were you two talking about that had her so excited."

Pansy laughed, using her foot she nudged Draco, "you love him."

Draco looked down at her and back at Harry, his dark gray eyes wide and he pushed his hair back, "uh... of course I do."

Harry chuckled and eased back around Draco and sat on the edge of the seat before lying back again, "and I thought I was the nervous one," Harry rolled his eyes snuggling back against Pansy, who had her arms around him tightly and back to playing with his hair again.

"Your hair is getting so long, Harry," she was saying completely ignoring Draco who was staring down at the two, watching Harry shut his eyes and smile, "it looks good."

"I was going to chop it all off, it's hot in Spain - right?"

"Spain?" Ron asked from the doorway, glancing from Blaise to Draco.

Draco sighed and sat down, not far at all from the couch as he sat on the coffee table right next to them, "we're going to visit for a while, take a break."

"I thought you were already taking a break?" Ron asked and the blonde could hear his voice hitch up, glancing over to see the red-head's eyes grow wide.

"From everyone," Draco answered, giving Ron a rather pointed look, "not that it'd be any interest to you Weasel."

Blaise shook his head, sighing, "Drake..."

"...maybe I'll keep it long, whatever Draco likes I guess."

Pansy wanted to address the growing argument, or the fact they were going to Spain, or even the fact Harry was ignoring what was happening around him but as she looked at him and saw that smile she didn't. Instead she ran her fingers through his hair again, "I think you should do what you like, Harry, it's your hair not his."

"True," Harry muttered, his smile still in place, "long, you know there is a picture of my father with Sirius," he was saying and that caught Draco's attention more than Ron being a shit friend, "Dad has longer hair in it, just a little longer than mine is now."

"Really? I bet you look just like him," Pansy was saying and her eyes met Draco's giving a subtle head shake when she saw the blonde start to talk. "Didn't Sirius have long hair?"

"Oh yeah," Harry chuckled and opened his eyes smiling up at her, "down a little past his shoulders."

Pansy grinned, "I could braid it!"

"Pansy," Harry groaned, still smiling.

"You'd have to brush it more than you do now, that was terrible today!" She added with a scolding tone, "and I'm not going to be there every day to take care of it."

Harry smirked, shutting his eyes again and then Draco heard it. His hum. He was humming again, it had been so long - well, a week. But a week was like a lifetime to him when it came to Harry. No matter what he did it wasn't enough, all week he had tried everything but here was the answer. Pansy wrapped around his Harry... just talking and then it hit him, what was it that made Harry smile all week when he had? Draco and him cuddled up together, talking, or at night before Draco had rolled away to go to sleep. Draco rubbing his back and holding him, Draco playing with his hair and caring for him, the two just chatting.

He glanced up at the doorway seeing Blaise and Ron both leaving, leaving Draco sitting on the coffee table and looking at Pansy and Harry.

"Harry, I bet if you just told him..." Pansy started, speaking softly.

"Maybe he'll be different when we're away," Harry answered, relaxing further into her hold, "this is fine for now, thank you." Pansy gave Draco a soft look and laid back holding Harry close, "you're a good friend, Pansy, you're the best. I wish I hadn't been so stupid and judgmental when I was younger."

"I wasn't any better," Pansy chuckled, "I'm sure you've heard about what it was like growing up?"

Draco stood silently and eased out of the room, leaving them to talk. "You okay?" Blaise asked as soon as he was through the doorway, "Ron went up to bed." He added with a nod towards the stairs.

"Fine," Draco shook his head, "I... I don't know, Blaise, I think I was misunderstanding things."

"Like...?"

"I just haven't been there for him, too much. I guess." Draco sighed, "he needs someone telling him he's okay, and he's taken care of, and he's needed. I didn't realize it."

"His emotions were crazy today," Blaise said, following Draco to the kitchen. "How long has that been going on?"

"Uh... A while," Draco shrugged, "been worst the last week, he just changes from freaking out and crying one second to smiles and happy the next. It's hard to keep up with."

"I would imagine," he sat at the table, watching Draco open a cabinet, "you cooking?"

"I've been learning," Draco smirked, "Kreacher has difficulty and Harry hasn't been eating much," the blonde frowned, "I just want a small something, a waffle? You want one?"

"Sure," Blaise grinned and leaned against the tabletop, "he'll bounce back eventually, y'know?"

"Will he?" Draco frowned, "he's been doing that stuff again, sneaking away to drink. Except he just sneaks to the front room, and not eating and he ignores me more often than he acknowledges me. This is the most I've heard from him all week, and we've been here together, by ourselves." He was mixing the ingredients together as he talked, "and his dreams... they are so much worse. Monday night he hit me with a stunner, set me through the doorway and knocked me out."

"Merlin," Blaise whispered and looked at Draco in concern, "do you need... help Draco, or I don't know, what can we do?"

"Nothing," Draco shrugged, "he'll bounce back - you just said that. I'm just trying to figure out what works and what doesn't."

"He needs a mind healer," Blaise said softly, keeping his eyes from Draco as he said it because he knew the look he was going to get from him, "maybe not a place but at least someone professionally trained in this."

"Harry has me," Draco answered haughtily, "he doesn't need someone picking through his mind and trying to change him, he'll be okay. We're going to take a break from the whole world and be tourists in Spain and it'll be good, great. Fine."

Blaise got up and walked over the ice box, grabbing a beer for himself and one for Draco, "when you get back from your small vacation, mate, maybe you should consider it if things don't change?"

"I can take care of him, Blaise!"

"I know, you do a great job... when you're here he's almost normal? And all that shit about him drinking again and avoiding you... just a phase, sure. But when you find yourself walking on eggshells rather than enjoying a vacation together well," he shrugged and slugged back a drink, "you should consider it."

Draco huffed, turning away and starting the cooking process.

"I noticed the fresh scar again, over his eye and the way he watches his words. The way certain words make him cringe," Blaise took a deep breath, "and the way you avoid them because you learned. Draco you danced around the word potion for five minutes when talking to Neville about a plant he was growing, and when Harry went to the bathroom how you quickly asked for a waiter change because the man's name was James. Draco he's going to meet people named James and Lilly and anyone else that died during the war, he's going to hear those words...you can't protect him from everyt-."

"I can try, Blaise, fuck!" Draco yelled, slamming the press down some of the waffle mix splattering over the counter and himself, "I can bloody try!"

Blaise frowned and stood up, waving his wand he cleaned the mess up before giving Draco a serious look, "don't lose yourself, please." Then he walked out of the kitchen, leaving Draco alone.


End file.
